Bildungsroman?! What's that? Can it be eaten?!

An Interview with an Undertaker: Distortion of Life from Death

2011-09-19T08:56:00.000-07:00

Before I go on, I would like to thank the people who have been reading this post and asking me questions. I really appreciate the feedback and discussion. I look forward to seeing you on my blog more often and discuss issues with me as I continue to post. I would also like to thank the undertaker for allowing me this interview and lastly, thank God for this to even happen. :)

From previous interviews, it is shared that we can find out from the Bible that death is certainly not a desirable outcome. It is a punishment from God due to man's evil doing. Having said that, the idea of heaven and hell is real and there is an afterlife whether we like it or not. In this final installment of the 4 part mini-series, it is explained that Death is certainly not supposed to be a natural process, contrary to what most people believe. In the end, we are presented with 2 choices through the interview of the undertaker at the end: To live or not to live. Everything I say from here on will be superfluous, so I will just leave it to the undertaker to do the talking.

Distortion of Life from Death

Do you think Death is a natural process? Why?

Death is not a natural process but a consequence of an ungodly choice by man. God has given a stern warning, “But of the tree of of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die”. Genesis 2:17. Sin is disobedience to Him. When Adam disobeyed God and took the fruit of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, which God commanded not to, he sinned against God and as a consequence death resulted. The wages of sin is death. Rpmans 6:23.

I can immediately see 3 things that Sin makes us do.

1. Sin will cost us more than we want to pay. Taking the example of the Israelites after the Battle of Jericho. One amongst them named Achan, in disobedience took and hid some silver and gold under his tent. The silver and gold was supposed to have gone to God’s treasury and the rest of the spoils in Jericho was to be destroyed. But Achan took and kept for himself. The consequence of his sin was that his sons and daughters, his belongings including his animals were stoned and burnt. It was certainly more than he wanted to pay for his sins. A criminal may be sentenced to a long imprisonment or even be put to death for his sins. When he committed the crime surely he did not expect to be caught and be made to pay for his crime, a price that he would not be willing to pay.

2. Sin will make you stay longer than you want to stay. The Israelites stayed forty more years going around in the wilderness because of their sins of not trusting God to lead them into the Promised Land. A drug addict gets stuck on his habit that he becomes enslaved to for many years and for many their lifetime; or an adulterer who thought that it was just going to be a one night stand developed a long term affair that destroys his entire family and trust of his loved ones. I have a friend who started flirting with a woman and then they started to have an affair and he lived more than twenty years in this sinful relationship and all these years of lying to his wife and family.

3. Sin makes you go further than you want to go. For example, in the Bible we read that King David saw Bathsheba bathing and he lusted over her and took her to bed. Then when she became pregnant, he started to devise her husband’s death. Sex leads to murder and later we also read that there was chaos in his palace and household. I think we will be familiar with telling a lie, then cover it with more and more lies. This is what it means when I say sin makes us go further than we want to go.

And sin leads to death. So death is a fruit of our sins and was never intended to be natural. It only came upon mankind when sin came into the picture. But if we view death from the already fallen nature of man, then death does seem to be a natural conclusion to life.

If you permit me, I would like to share some thoughts about how to avoid situations that might make us fall into sin. Let us visit the Garden of Eden.

In the Garden of Eden, God permits man to eat of any fruit except the fruit from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. His warning was that the day he eats of that forbidden fruit he shall surely die. But we noted that Adam and Eve were in the vicinity of that forbidden tree. In other words they were where they should not have been. Then we also noticed that there was Satan in the form of the serpent with them. They were in the wrong company. Then Satan started to talk with them. They were engaged in wrong talks with the wrong company. What happened?

Satan started to get their attention away from the great liberty and free life that God had lavished on them. He then focused on the one and only restriction and started to make them feel that God has shortchanged them. Satan lied to make them blind to God’s goodness and made them feel that God’s intentions for them were not good, that He did not want them to be like Him. To summarise, Satan blinded Man to God’s good will, then he planted the seeds of doubt that made them challenge God’s authority, and he robbed Man of life because he knew the penalty of breaking God’s law is Death.

No, Death was never meant to be a natural event in life. Unfortunately, Man chose death when he chose not to believe God. But we thank God that He did not just leave Man to die and be separated from Him forever. God sent His son Jesus to bear the death penalty on our behalf. As we have it now, our physical body will die, but we have eternal spiritual life with God when we believe and receive Jesus in our hearts.

“For God so loved the World that He gave His only Son that whosoever (you and me) believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life” John 3:16

Choose Life.

An Interview with an Undertaker: Destination after Death

2011-09-12T09:21:00.000-07:00

Last week, I shared about life and death, and whether it is a tabooed topic too unsavory for the dinner table. After much thought, I realised that not many people talk the idea of Death to begin with and so explains the popularity of these articles as I post them up on fb. Besides, it is about Christianity.

I will make no apologies to explicitly include my religion, because afterall, I'm not here to gloss over things and make the topic look pretty. While other preachers choose to tell believers that when they believe in Jesus they go to Heaven(and most of the time people take Jesus for a mere pass to Heaven and the Spirit an emotional high); I choose to tell them about death and it being a consequence of man's rebellion against the Lord and precisely why they should not consider between heaven or hell in the first place, but rather God or self/death. For I need no eloquent wisdom nor the wisdom of the world to spread the Word of God. It's believe in the death of Jesus as your way to salvation or Death. As simple as that.

Without further ado, let me share what the undertaker has to say about what the afterlife really holds for us according to the Bible.

Destination after Death?

Is Death the end of all things? Is there an afterlife?

I guess to most people Death would be the end of all things, although I should say that all things don’t end except the one who dies. So maybe the spirit of the question is “does he die to all things?” In the physical aspect, I would believe so. But in the spiritual aspect, I personally do not know except what I am told in the Bible. And that physical death closes a chapter in this physical world while it opens a new one in the spiritual world. What might this spiritual realm be? The Bible tells us there is Heaven and Hell. So who goes where? The Bible again tells us that in God’s hands there is a Book of Life. Anyone whose name is not registered there will be sent to Hell and those whose names are written in it will go to Heaven. Does this sound cruel what God is doing? Actually not, man is given a free will to choose. By not choosing life he has chosen to remain in death. John 3: 18 and 19 tells us that those who believe Jesus is not condemned but those who do not believe are condemned already. The condemnation is that we reject the Light and choose to remain in darkness (sin). How do we choose life so that our names will be written in the Book of Life? John 3: 16 of the Bible tells us, “For God so loved the world He gave His only Son, that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life” and in John 14:6 Jesus says,” I am the Way, the Truth and the Life; No man goes to the Father (God) but by me”. Is there an afterlife? Very much so, except that this afterlife can be an eternity of peace and joy in God’s presence or an eternity in Hell’s fire and suffering without God’s presence and in eternal separation from God.

During this very short lifespan on Earth, we have to make that important decision that will have an eternal consequence. I seriously urge everyone to seriously consider this carefully. Choose the only Way, the Truth and the Life, whom Jesus said He is.

Should Death be a mourning or celebration?

As I mentioned earlier, I believe all Death bring about a separation except the one death, that of Jesus that brings reconciliation. Death takes us away from our loved ones, or our loved ones from us and that makes us sad and gives us reason to grieve and mourn over our loss. It is very human to grieve and mourn over our loss of a loved one. I have seen some who actually throw such a huge celebration when their relative died because they inherit a huge estate and wealth. On the other hand I have also heard curses being hurled at the deceased because the only inheritance left to them is a huge debt. Whether to mourn or celebrate depends very much on several factors, like the ones just mentioned with regards to inheritance; or with regards to how close the deceased was with the surviving relatives. If their relationship had been good, they grieved the more and if not, lesser.

However, for those who have some religious bias or beliefs their reactions to death may differ. If they believe that their loved one who departed has gone to Heaven, there is much rejoicing and if not then there is apprehension, guilt and doubt.

I personally have grieved over the loss of my parents who were very dear to me, but I did not grieve hopelessly. I believe as Christians they have gone to be with a loving God. So while I was sad to have lost them I was actually glad they are now in a better place with Christ. To that, I celebrate.

Join me next week as I talk about the Distortion of Life from Death and the Death that our sins have created.

An Interview with an Undertaker: Definition of Death

2011-09-05T09:19:00.000-07:00

Last week, I introduced the background for my personal quest in this mini-series and introduced a christian undertaker and his Dealings with Death. Tonight I will be sharing about life and death, and whether it is a tabooed topic too unsavory for the dinner table.

Without further ado, here are the answers

Definition of Death

What are your personal views on life and death and its meaning?

There are 3 aspects of life that I would like to share about.

1) Life is a trust. I believe that the life we have and all the things we have are entrusted to us by God. Our life is God’s gift to us. God trusts us with this life. What we do and how we live this life is our gift back to God. The question I ask myself often is will God be satisfied with His investment in me.

2) Life is full of trials. I believe that God allow trials in our life to build our character and to refine us. An apt illustration will be that of the Silversmith. How does the silversmith know if the silver has been refined and pure? When he puts the ore to the fire, the dross and the impurities are burnt out and the silver will melt into a very shiny mass. When the silversmith looks at the silver, he can see his own image in it. Then he knows the silver is ready. When God is through with us by the trials He presents us, He will see His own image in us. That’s what it means when the Bible says we shall be like Him.

3) Life is temporary. As you know I am in the funeral service. You often see tombstones with markings like “Freddie Choo, Born 1954-Died 2012”. Here, life is marked as “-“between the dates for birth and death. It’s just a short dash, and that’s how temporary life is here on Earth. We were born without anything and we will die without anything. It is so sad to see people amassing great wealth and trying to build great empires as if they are going to be here forever. Then when they are about 70 years or maybe 80 years old, they die, bringing with them nothing. All their labor has come to nothing, a striving for the wind. The terrifying thing that comes next is that he will have to face God to be judged. This brings me to the next part of the question, what my personal views of death and its meaning are.

To me Death is a separation. I feel that to better illustrate what I mean, I should try to explain of my belief what being human is.

What is Man? The common answer we often hear is that Man is made up of Body, Soul and Spirit. What really does this mean?

1) Body – The human body has senses like sense of smell, taste, touch, hearing and sight. By these senses we get to know the world we are in.

2) The Soul- The soul has faculties like emotions and the soul allow us to know who we are.

3) The spirit- The spirit has a conscience that allows us to know who God is. In a certain sense, the spirit is like the heart of the soul, the part that connects us to God. Without the spirit we cannot connect with Him. It is this spirit that makes man searching for God, but unfortunately many went a looking at wrong places and turning to idols.

When physical death occurs, the soul (who we are) gets separated from the body. When spiritual death occurs the soul gets separated from God. That sounds so fatal does it not? Fortunately, there is such a thing as spiritual life, an eternal life. Scripture tells us that God who loved us so much gave His only Son, Jesus, who died for our sins and those who believe in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life. Wow! While all of us know death to separate people from their loved ones and their God, there is one death that actually reconciles us to our God and our loved ones. And that was the death of Jesus on the cross. He rose again to conquer death and to break the power of sin. Therefore, for those who trust God and accept His Son, when physical death occurs, their souls return to God to live this new spiritual triumphant eternal life.

Should Death be avoided and the topic of death be treated as a taboo?

No one can avoid death. Most, if not all people fear death but none can avoid it. There was a famous Hollywood actor and movie director who said, “I don’t fear death, I just don’t want to be there when it happens”. Death is not a probability but a certainty. “It is appointed unto Man once to die and then the judgment” Hebrews 9:27. Because of our fear Death becomes a taboo, and so we do not want to talk about it. Not talking about it does not mean it will not come. It will come for sure. When? We do not know but we know it will indeed come knocking at the door; earlier for some and for others later.

The sooner we acknowledge that death is real and death is certain, then we will learn to live our lives more meaningfully. I have heard it being suggested and I believe in it, that we should live our life as if this is our last day. Then we will truly want to do things that count, things that are meaningful. We would want to mend broken relationships and make things right. We want to smell the roses while they still bloom and say lovely words to our loved ones while we still may do so and while they may still hear us.

To live as if death will not come to us is to live in denial of the truth. When it does come, it will be such a shocking awakening.

Join me next week as I talk about the Destination of Death and what the afterlife really holds for us according to the Bible.

An Interview with an Undertaker: Dealing with Death

2011-08-29T10:17:00.000-07:00

Hungry Ghost Festival just ended, and all the talk of Death and afterlife is somewhat still in the air. What more a time such as this to talk about death and the afterlife?

Death is something that people fear because they do not know what happens after a person dies. Is it the end all of life? People around me would know that not too long ago, my grandma passed away. The idea of death is still fresh in my memory. Then just a months, my archery teammate's grandma passed away too. Both are not saved. Neither is my friend himself. Uncannily, recently someone newly close to my heart has to do a project on the topic of unsung heros of this funeral trade and I decided to tag along to find out more behind the scenes and how these people view death and mourning.

Many things happened before she passed away that made family ties estranged, so when she passed away, I was left hanging with a lot of personal issues. Furthermore, my grandma is not saved, which makes things more heartbreaking for me, as I have the hope of heaven that she did not have, and I will never see her again. Hence, I found that though I'm more or less moving on in life and happily serving the Lord, my heart still wants to reconcile certain things, and I realised that I may not be the only one facing such an issue within my circle of friends. I have a lot of ambivalent feelings in my heart and I know that I am and will not be in the only one. So I hope this in the process of interviewing, collecting information and writing the article, I can find some solace and answers that I can share with everyone in the same plight.

Background of the undertaker:
The undertaker is a strong Christian whose family members are also Christians. He and his family often helps out in the church as much as he can. Being in this line for so long, even as much as to be a big boss, he certainly has contemplated on life and death, and has placed his faith and trust in God for the salvation of his family and himself. In my face to face chat with him to request for an email interview, the strong idea that I got was that death is a natural process and it is by no means a glorious thing to be profiting from the deaths of others, but he certainly does this as a personal mission to do what others dare not do and providing funeral services so that the families of the deceased can mourn properly.

I realised that because of the fact that he enthusiastically replied my questions seriously, his answers were in no way deficient of content nor depth. Cutting out and editing on any words were difficult as it will not do him justice, so I will split up the interview into segments and do this posts in a 4 part series as follows:
1. Dealing with Death (This post)
2. Definition of Death
3. Destination after Death
4. Distortion of Life from Death

Without further ado, I bring you the first of the 4 part series of An Interview with an Undertaker.

Dealing with Death

Question: How have your religion and job influenced the way you view death?

I am a Christian. I believe what the Bible tells me. It says that when I believe in Jesus and accept Him as my Lord and Saviour, I will have eternal life when I die. As such, I do not fear death because when I die I go to Heaven. Why would I be fearful to go to Heaven? My job as a funeral director keeps me constantly reminded that death is so real. Everyday people die, people cry over them, and I hear stories of many things that were planned but not done because death cuts short his time to do so. This reality makes me sensitive to others, to treat them with love. To tell my family I love them and to do things that make people happy, things that count. Because I see death every day, it makes me treasure life the more, life of others and my own. I think it might be more appropriate if you asked me how I view life because of death. Yes, my life, how I live it and what I make it to be is my gift back to God and I hope He will not be disappointed investing in me.

Join me next week as I talk about the Definition of Death and what it means to him and most probably to me too.

Self Versus God: Are our hearts really on God?

2011-08-18T08:16:00.000-07:00

I just had a revelation, if not, reminder in a form of a big sized reasoning that I cannot ignore.

A commonly asked question is "Prove to me that God exist". My question to them is "You sure u wanna listen to my explanation? It's not going to be short like a snap nor is it going to be pleasing to ur ears." Humans have a finite form and therefore have finite mind and heart. How can we squeeze a infinite God that lived before time, and created time within time and our finite minds that is smaller than time? God does not need to prove his existence to us if we refuse to accept that he is bigger than us.

And to ask God to show his miracles like healing and uncommon signs to prove his glory and power or even satisfy our desire to be reaffirmed that he is real or just for the feel high is like asking a trained poodle to do stunts. God is no trained poodle, he will do miracles and heal as he pleases to and he will show his glory and power in his way and we must acknowledge it. In fact he has already shown his glory and power to us, in our being itself and in his son Jesus, the most innocent man who died the most horrifically humiliating and painful death for the sake of God's will which is to provide a way for our salvation through Jesus' death and resurrection.

This will indeed be mind boogling to people who have choosen from the start to ask for prove just for the sake of an intellectual debate and self-gratification that God doesn't exist. If we have our hearts full of ourselves, how can we have the space to let God in, let alone the people around us?

When we ask for his glory to be shown on earth? Is it for prove to the world that God is almighty or is it to prove to people that we are believing in the right thing and be proud(or even boostful about it)? When we ask for healing of people in general, is it for ourselves to get better or is it a cheap way to show people what God can do so that they can choose God?

Are our hearts really on God?

What I replied when a church leader asked me on fb msgs why I left church.

2011-08-05T21:18:00.000-07:00

"I guess the most bugging thing is the constant demands for spiritual gifts without the understanding of who God is. He is a God who loves to shower his children with gifts yet we may not think of it as gifts and constantly push for what we want. God has all right to refuse our request because he knows what is suitable for us though we constantly "seek and ask" from God. The lack of understanding of who God is makes us selfish and treat God as an ATM.

People often forget that the man with the leprosy got healed for that fact that miracles were needed to show God's power over the fallen world. Furthermore we must not forget to be like the man and first approach God with a humble heart "Lord if you may, heal me." This shows that the man understands God's sovereignty so much that he recognise that God may or may not heal him because he is a sinner. Though many say that now we are no longer called sinners but victors in Christ, we must bear in mind that we still cannot be brazen in our request in front of the almighty God or we might end up taking him for granted.

Having stated my view, I feel that this lack of understanding leads the the issue of people unknowingly and/or brazenly treating God like an ATM or sorts. When people do not get what they prayed for, it is often brushed off as having little faith. The result is people becoming disillusioned and fall into becoming nominal Christians.

Even before I became a leader, I have tried to address this issue, but nothing seems to get across. Besides, I feel like over the years I have not been edified because I thought that I have been faithless in my request. Half maybe true, but the other half is because I realised that I did not see God for who he is and not what he can do for us. Also, my position as a leader made it worst cause I was more aware that I couldn't cause people to be "slain by the spirit" even though I prayed for them and I feel bad because they didn't get the spiritual gift they wanted such as "tongues" or something else. But I know that I have touched the lives of others through normal prayer because by God's grace, 1 or 2 youths to be leaders because they told me that they felt convicted by the spirit to be leaders after I "prophesied" over them being leaders without me realising it. & though I have not directly been told so, it is implied that I lack the faith when I ask for spiritual gifts. Having said that, I am pointing out the amount of flourish and emphasis the church put into this gifts that physically manifest themselves and have became short sighted for quick results that they many fail to recognise that God is in the driver's seat and not us. Again, this leads back to people becoming disillusioned with God or brazen in front of God.

My argument may be weak and you may or may not agree with me but I feel that since I would be a rebel in church and would confuse the minds of the young ones if I continue to serve as a leader, I should quit. Also, as I did not feel fed in PLMC and get the necessary edification and/or exhortation, but get it from another church, I should move to pastures that are able to feed me and help me to grow healthly. I have talked to various leaders from church and from my NIE Bible study group and have prayed for years to come to this decision. Regardless, my family church will still be PLMC and I will still pray for the people as I do with other people.

Sorry for this long reply, but this is my long story in a capsule form. HAHA... Hope it didn't make you stunned and satisfy your curiosity."

Respect and honour authority as well as those who serve you.

2011-06-01T19:44:00.000-07:00

It's sad how stuck up and demanding this nation as become.

Recently, as I was tweeting around, I saw that someone commented on how Dr Ng Eng Hen got jeered up for coming to the air-show late. & the person was LOL-ing about it. Hmm... ... He is the Guest-Of-Honour right? But no applause? There was a link tagged to the tweet that directed me to another website, a forum and I read on about it. It seems that it was another person talking about the air show and how the audience barged their way in before the arriving of the Guest-Of-Honour. Smells like unreasonable Singaporean behaviour to me. The person later on added that it is seems that Singaporeans to not respect their ministers like they use to especially after GE2011.

This is not the first and only of it's kind. Almost in a rampage, the Singaporeans are demanding more and respecting less. More low cost housing, more higher paying jobs, more explanations to policies (reasonable enough, but not reasonable when you keep asking for it though it has already been explained countless times), more housing upgrading, more this more that... ... Hey, I'm not happy too that my salary is being deducted into CPF where the money goes to God knows where, but at least I try to respect those who are working hard to keeps things going in the nation and leading this bunch of demanding people. & I do not deny that I can be quite a demanding brat myself.

Whatever it is, it's clear that Singaporeans lack respect of any sort, especially now after GE2011, it seems like they are taking ministers for granted. & that's very worrying for ourselves and for our future generations. The Bible did tell us to honour those around us and honour our authority figures.

"... render to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s, and to God the things that are God’s.” ~Luke 20:25~
Though,this was said in respect to paying taxes, I believe that includes respect and honouring those who are in charge and not short changing them of what they deserve. I heard of the jest that out ministers of becoming corrupt and they do not deserve our respect. Ok... ... Fair enough... ... But did you think our level of corruption can much the corruption of the Roman Empire? If there is corruption, do you think you still can tweet about what just happened? Or even be keyboard warriors, complaining about policy over policy on your blogs, tweets, fb and what not. Most importantly, how do you expect your children to respect you if you do not respect others?

As said in my other blog post, it's pointless complaining about the government and doing nothing about the people and situation around you yourselves. & talking about complaining, stop complaining about maid's wages going higher. They do all the jobs you do not want to do and some of you even mistreat them and verbal abuse them. Hands up, how many of you with maids have complained before that your maid has not done a good job in something? I'm guilty once or twice and I'm still trying my best to gave her credit when due and thank her for her hard work or for small favours for me like sewing my torn sleeve or alter my jeans. Enough said, thank your domestic helpers and dun abuse them.

Oh and I must not forget this. Recently, there was a murder case of a maid in Woodlands and her body was found in the water tank at the top of the HDB. People are complaining to the Town Council and demanded an explanation from them at first. Then, they demand compensation. Ok you think it's all, after they found the murderer, instead of blaming the murderer, they want Town Council to take the blame and the word is, sack everyone in the office. Pardon me? Did I hear correctly? I dun see how the Town Council should be overturned because of this. True it's their fault for not checking daily, but checking water tanks daily is ridiculous and needs manpower. True it's their fault for hiring that Indian worker who murdered the maid, but then if all that's so, then how about we screen every single Indian worker and rule out the possibility of them commiting a crime, only to find out that all of them are potential murderers and dun hire Indian workers anymore shall we and start doing manual chores and labour yourselves. Singaporeans, dun be ridiculously unreasonable. The town council have tried their best to do their job over the years and just cause of this, you demand the office to be overturned? Just cause you are more aware of your rights after the GE2011 and you have more power in your voice does not mean you can abuse it. It then makes you no better than the people whom you are complaining about (the government). On a side note, I do empathise with the people of that block in Woodlands having to go through such trauma and my deep condolences to that poor maid. You are in my prayers.

By the way, all of us are potential murderers because our hearts are filled with evil, concordantly, all of us have the potential to be corrupt when even great power and responsibility. So don't complaint. Respect people and give credit when due and honour your authority figures(that includes appreciating what they have done for us) and you will find that life is a whole lot simpler. & of course be a good role model for the future of Singapore.

I do not deny that if everyone in Singapore were to be good role models and the kids acquire good behaviour, it will make my life as a teacher better. But of course, I too must do what I preach and be a good role model to the young lives around me.

With reference to my previous post

2011-05-11T01:33:00.000-07:00

After a watershed event in Singapore, it's time to get our act together.
Because as cheesy as it may seem, "Together, we make a difference".

After a watershed event in Singapore, it's time to get our act together.

2011-05-11T00:21:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry that I have to say this but seriously Singapore, stop whining about the elections and it's results and get down to doing what we are supposed to do to contribute to the betterment of the entire Singapore.

It's not the end of the our life that PAP is still the ruling party, Mr Chiam See Tong is no longer in Parliament, George Yeo is no longer in cabinet and Tin Pei Ling is now supposed to take care of my GRC. How about doing something for once to change the ugly scenes around you? To those around me, you know that I have something against what Nicole Seah said about the foreign workers in Singapore, and how it sounded like what Hitler would say to the Germans in Pre-WWII. Major moral land mine stepped on. If you think about it, many of us are not native to Singapore either, so what is up with the double standard? These people are only humans too, like our forefathers, they have come to Singapore to try to find a better life for themselves and possibly their children too. They did something about their lives and despite the derogatory comments coming for us.(yes I admit that I contribute to this ugliness sometimes too, & I'm only a human in flesh still in the process of being perfected by God) & the point? They did something to change their lives & try to strive for betterment. If you cannot stand something, some whining and start doing something to change it.

Need an example to get started? If you find that the government is not doing enough for the needy and elderly, and keep complaining about it, how about you take sometime of your job and comfortable lives to get down and dirty at the old folks home and homes for the disabled. You may say "oh I tithe every week with extra offerings to the church." or "I donate 50% of the salary to a charitable organisation every month", fair enough; but if everyone is donating money & nobody(honest) is there to collect it, use it to by the necessities and distribute it to the homes and centres or even feed the food bought for the physically disabled, what's the point of actually giving donations. In case if you did not know, the nurses in the homes and centers are hired Filipinos and PRCs. So your money can buy laborers and helpers in domestics and charitable organisations, but you don't want them to stay here. So how?

Need another example? One NSP member said that if elected, they will set up a patrol unit to help patrol the area and help keep the place safe, since these place seems unsafe. I guess that person have not lived in that area in his life before. My dad told me that there used to be a group of people helping to patrol the Marine Parade area and they disintegrated over time and disappeared not too long ago. The highly possible reason my dad could give is that people have no time for these kind of communal things anymore and they believed that the police was doing a fine job. So why not let the police do what they do best and concentrate on their own lives, earning their own money and doing their own things. So why then is this place now considered unsafe? The police are not doing a good job? Ok if the police are not doing a good job, why not organise yourselves once more to guard yourselves against danger? Why do we have to wait for the opposition to come in before any real change takes place? Why wait when you can do something about it now? After all, you are in responsible for your own safety, not the police nor the voluntary patrol vigilantes.

**Sorry if I seem to be only aiming at NSP, because I have only listened to them due to the fact that they were contesting for the area I live in, Marine Parade GRC. If any NSP members, wannabe members and supporters see this article, please do not take offence but rather take it as an advise to which it can pull you through. Too be honest I don't support any party, I only support the people whom I think it's worthy of support & recognition. If you want me to take a stand, I say "I'm pro-God/ I support the Kingdom of Heaven". **

So the point, start whining and start getting your act together. There may be things that you can change, so why not make that little difference

On an ending note, to the leaders of Singapore (MPs are what not) you better fulfill what you promised to the people in your talks to Singapore, be it opposition or ruling party in government. Do not forget why you were elected into your position; use it and not abuse it. Lives and resources are in your hands, your conscience will haunt you if you abuse it; if you do not have a conscience, the people will haunt you. I guess, if you are truly capable, we do not need to wait 5 years from now to see the results and repent, not talking cock in parliament nor feet stomping or even insincere apologies can save you from the power of the people, unless you are 88 years old and have build this nation up from slums & kampong to HDB & condos, with a team that is already passed on, don't think you can get away with what you say.(though some may argue that even so, if you continue talking like a God, when you are not, you really should retire early and chill).

So back to the title of this article, after a watershed event in Singpore called the General Elections 2011, it's time to stop whining and get our act together.

Last night, I dreamt of possibilities

2011-04-12T18:43:00.000-07:00

Last night, I dreamt of possibilities;
Today, I dwell in possibilities.
I'm no longer afraid of the future,
Because I know God is there guiding me.

An Emily Dickinson ("I dwell in possibility") inspired short poem.

How can this feel this wrong?

2011-04-09T20:29:00.000-07:00

How can anyone be touched by the Spirit without the Word of God? Isn't the Spirit the Word of God and the Word of God the Spirit?

It looks like there isn't a need for sermons anymore. Corporate mass worship with altar calls and a whole day of praying but no sermons. Most of all, those that crave to hear more of the Word are labelled or scorned as "thinkers" and not "worshipers".
From legalistic rules to following every single step in the Word without understanding to throwing away the need for the word of God in sermons. Sad. How did the pendulum swing this hard? I'm too tired mentally and physically to even bother about it anymore.

Lord give me the strength to immerse in your word and your true spirit and help me be more sensitive to what is truly right. Most of all show me what is really means to worship you...

Seriously, how can this feel this wrong, so wrong? Am I a heretic in my community? Or am I too much of a thinker that it "stifles" my journey with God? Is it wrong to even want to read the Bible and pray that he will reveal his will to me but not necessarily expecting him to make me feel any sort of physical signs? Am I being a Pharisee when I want to worship him with my heart and not with tongues?

I just want to worship the Lord in Spirit and in Truth. Not necessarily with emotions and amidst physical signs, unless God really calls for it.

& no, I don't go for fancy sermons. I go for the real word of God.

My God is greater, My God is overall

2011-04-02T09:53:00.000-07:00

I'm sleepy and tired, mentally, spiritually and physically. BUT I have to say this. MY GOD REIGNS!

Today, I realised how fallen the world is and how we need GOD even more. And I saw a few things over twitter and fb that made me realise even more how Godless this world is and how much Christians struggle more in terms of spirituality sinfu we are more aware of the sinful world and our sinful flesh.

Most importantly, I realised how easily I freaked out over ghost stories and what not. I am truly weak and I need to realise that God is still king. With all my heart.

Digital Story - These Four Walls

2011-03-24T19:19:00.000-07:00

The following was what I posted up on my academic group's discussion board. This is reposted over here, about 4 weeks after the post on the discussion board. & I was the only one... ... whao... ... I think I just spoiled the market.

This is the video I have selected. I do not know if this is considered a digital story or what, but I find myself being very attracted to this video that I just had to talk about it.

These Four Walls:

The words that appear in the beginning of the video:
"I once
had a dream

where my world
was bigger than
these four walls. "

This "story" is about a white pinwheel growing out of its pot and going around places and exploring, most of the time by itself. In my opinion, it "does" the things that people do not dare to do, like "eating" ice-cream and "riding" on a carousel alone and even taking a train by itself. So it does not just go beyond the four walls of its house but also going moving beyond the mental walls that prevent one from seeing the world outside and experiencing it.

To be honest, I'm very biased towards this video because firstly I love this group of youtubers(WongFu Productions), and secondly, I simply love this video because it is so inspirational and the music and visuals are fantastic. So I find it difficult to find anything to change about this video.

But as a fan(pun not intended), I find that the description is not enough and find myself wanting more of the description to supplement the video. I feel that if there was more explanation(even in the director's comment video) or description given, it will make the video more poignant. However at the same time, I feel that the part of the beauty of this video is in the fact that it does not say a lot and the directors themselves leave things up for interpretation. Also as a literature student, I guess that is how I am taught to look at text: to see an entity with a voice for a certain purpose for existence and style. So I feel that changing any bit of a text, will change the text's identity, style and purpose, and it will be a different thing altogether.

Last but not lest, this video definitely did educate me a bit about getting out of my comfort zone and inspired me to do things out of my comfort zone. Such inspiration includes pushing me to be the the first person to post something on blackboard when there is no time limit or marks given, something I would not normally do or have the gall to do.(hey, don't blame me, it's just the way I was socialised into, you know the Singaporean Culture right?).

I hope you all get inspired by the video too. Cheers and God Bless.

University names can make us go NUTS.

2011-03-01T22:15:00.000-08:00

Last night while I was brushing my teeth, I ROFL-ed so hard I nearly swallowed the toothpaste foam. I heard on Parliament Tonight that the new university will be called Singapore University of Technology and Design (SUTD). Pronounce SUTD & you will laugh along too.

While my dad & I were laughing together, he reminded me of the older name of NTU. He said Nanyang Technological University(NTU) used to be Nanyang University of Technology of Singapore(NUTS). We ROFL-ed even more. As if NUT was not enough, the adding of Singapore behind the name made it NUTS. My mum overheard us and added thereafter saying that SUTD sounds like STD when said wrongly or fast enough. My friend noted it too when I twitted it. My parents and I had ball (pun intended or not, up to u) of a time laughing at the university names.

Come to think of it, only NUS has a more appropriate name change, Malaya(n)? University, MU became NUS. I heard Singapore Management University, SMU nearly became SUM(which says a lot about the university specialising in business).

Honestly, I would rather NTU be called Nan Da if this was the case. I would rather sound cheena than crazy.

Education Against Trolls

2011-02-24T22:05:00.000-08:00

Yes I plan to do that... Recent events have led me to do something I consider by my own standards, drastic: a public blogging article and if I have time on my hands, a video of Education Against Trolls (EAT). I have came to realised that I have been feeding a troll on my fb... Yes my dear friends who know me well enough, you know who is it. I wonder if he knows that he is trolling. So yes, I'm gonna do my research and article now.

Coming Soon... ...

AKAN DATANG

Reflections

2011-02-18T19:09:00.000-08:00

What stops me from knowing God and even lettings him into my life to deal with my pain is the guilt and shame that I have. Sometimes, I am even aware that I am avoiding God because letting him deal with it would mean confronting the situation. Having said that, there are alot of things in my life that I need to be freed from and alot of hurt and pain; so it's really not an easy thing just thinking about it.

To make things easier for me, God knowing how indecisive and inconfident I am has helped me deal with decisions and situations. And God being God has been patienty waiting at the opportune moment for me to deal with all this issues in my life. One things for sure, I'm glad that he is always there for me and is someone I can always talk to regardless of situations.

Happy Lunar New Year! But... ... Do I need to worry about the pagan practices?

2011-02-04T07:15:00.000-08:00

It's the year of the Metal Rabbit! Happy Lunar New Year everyone! To everyone in the world be it Chinese, Malays, Koreans, Japs, Indians, Viets, Indons, English, French, etc...!*PEACE*

So here I am on the computer during Lunar New Year(or Chinese New Year or CNY in short in Singapore, the land of abbreviations) and I feel like a complete loser because I'm on the COMPUTER at HOME on CNY HOLIDAY! But still, I did have a quality conversation with my mum about the Bible and find out a few things about my own family.

1st: MY BROTHER ACTUALLY BELIEVES THAT LILITH IS REAL! WHAT HAPPENED TO THE CHRISTIAN UPBRINGING?! And to think he is a literature student. He cannot identify that Genesis is not really in chronological order and he converted to another religion. *pause here* What religion is it? Catholicism. BUT I THOUGHT IT'S THE SAME?! No it's not. While Catholics believe that apart from Jesus, there is other ways to talk to God, such as Mary and the Pope. How do I know it's wrong? Jesus said "I am the Way, the Truth and the Life; no one comes to the father except through me"(John 14:6) and fundamentally, Christians believe that. NOW THAT IS THE DIFFERENCE! For my brother to overlook this truth and believe in everything and doubting the Bible, his corruption is more serious than I though. I must seriously pray for him, this debate can go on and on but if I continue, the point will be lost.

*Note: The book of Genesis was written by Moses, inspired or some say dictated by God to crash the other creation myths circulating amongst the Jews that undermined the sovereignty of God.*

2nd: My mom was pre-occupied with the fact that she ate food offered to pagan gods during the time my grandma was alive; though she says that she is not bothered, I can sense the need to validate herself and the worry in the undertones of her words. To clear things up, I told her that what happens is the heart and the spirit of wanting to please God, furthermore, she really did wanted to show the graciousness of God through her living of her life in the past before she got jaded with/by my relatives. I remember my youth director telling me that it is fine to go through the Buddhist rituals because I am respecting my grandma and her last wish which is what the Lord our God wants us to do: Honour our parents(or grandparents for that matter). As long as we do not believe that the rituals or the breaking of it will have any effect on us and that God is still the Lord with Jesus as the only Saviour/way to God, I'm still a Child of God. But of course if you do not do go through the pagan practices, it's even better, devoted your time and mind to the Lord through other ways.

So that's about it, I only believe in the aspect of Feng Shui being a good practical way to optimise the space in the room will keeping it save and wholly practical in functionally of arrangements and economical.

Without further ado, Adieu! Shalom, may the peace and blessings of the Lord be with you.

After 1 month and an eternity

2011-01-28T19:37:00.001-08:00

On a day like this 1 month ago, my grandma passed away. Well, I can't say for sure that she is in a better place, because according to my believe, she is in hell for all eternity for not believing in God. That's my reality that I know and it's hurting me to know that I couldn't do much when she was alive. oh well, she is gone now and she now haunts my dreams, literally. This blog post is to commemorate her death anniversary for one month.

The reality of heaven and hell for all eternity has hit me within one month and it has made me realise how much I really want my family and friends to be saved. I want to see them in heaven. (As I'm typing this, my niece is somewhere dancing while I play Jai Ho on the mac for her to dance to. Ironically, "Jai Ho" means "long live" in Hindi) I have not much to say now except that I should now help the living and not brood over the dead. And that means taking care of my family and do what a disciple of God should do (preach the good news).

I can't say much about my grandma because I really didn't talk to her during her last days due to a family feud. Details shall not be revealed for the sake of privacy and propriety. Nonetheless, before the family feud, I enjoyed being with my grandma. She was the only grandparent I knew. and yes I really got nothing more constructive to say, and I better sign off now before I get bitchy over my relatives and say or even think like a Christian shouldn't.

Grandma if you can see this, I'm sorry, know that I still love you.

Signing off,
Your beloved Granddaughter.

Christmas isn't Christmas till you happen to know who died to open a pathway to heaven.

2010-12-24T04:50:00.000-08:00

Caroling and stuff don't make any sense to me nowadays. People have seemed to have forgotten the true spirit of Christmas. It's not about giving and sharing. It's about Jesus.

Devil, admit it. You have lost the war. Now stop acting like a sore loser. It's Jesus' party. Please don't ruin others party.

The true meaning for Christmas is Jesus.

"For to us a child is born, to us a son is given; and the government shall be upon his shoulder, and his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace." ~Isaiah 9:6 ~

Someone said this: He died so that you may live (again). *can't remember who said that*

Anyway, Blessed Christmas to one and all. Take care and God Bless you.

This song is dedicated to everyone on earth and to Jesus and God and the Holy Spirit.

The Insanity of Satan and the Sovereignty of God

2010-12-08T05:28:00.000-08:00

‎"Satanic temptation is irrational", therefore those who become tempted become irrational.

Your Humble Servant is commisioned and ready to serve you.

2010-10-31T07:44:00.000-07:00

On my 21st Birthday, as I went up for alter call. Isaiah 6 was revealed to me in a different perspective.

I do not wish to talk about the inherent problems that lies with such altar call; all I wish to say is that when one comes before God, one must be ready to be changed. Daddy God ain't an ATM of emotions and blessings, he can be if he wants to, but that might be undermining his sovereignty if he would to just do that everytime we want an emotional/spiritual high. We should always expect a change in our hearts and our minds renewed, and not go back to our old ways.

Having said that, I went up with a heart wanting a change, to see his will and ready to submit, trust and obey. And so I prostrated (nearly, due to lack of space), and imagine the scene of Isaiah being commissioned by God. Words cannot describe my feelings, it was overwhelming. Ultimately what mattered was that I now know that I must be careful with my words, and be ready to serve the Lord, putting his will above my pleasures.

I could go on and on... But I decided not to.

Playing around with some of the template stuff, changing my outlook

2010-08-10T20:44:00.000-07:00

As the title suggests... ... As those who like to regularly stalk my fb, hence my blog as well will know that I added a few interesting things on my blog, such as the share buttons and the rate buttons. Don't get me wrong, it ain't for a ego boost, it's more for playing around, I'll take it down after a while if I see that it cramps my style.

And the changing outlook bit... ... and policies too.

I'm official announcing that I allow certain things that people would not do out here so that u know my stand.

As some would know, I'm a trainee teacher, and students are desperately trying to get my fb and check out what nonsense I can be up to. I'm allowing my students to check out my nonsensical trash talk on fb. Now that I'm not on practicum and will not be teaching that school anymore, I feel that this is the only way I can be contacted personally without being spammed on my hp.

And as for adding strangers, I'll allow strangers to add me. Unless they seem fantasically dubious, I'll add strangers and if they approach me on the fb chat, I'll reply; unless I'm uber busy that is. The reason will be almost the same reason(the real one) as to why I would allow my students to add me. But I will not make it clear here for the fact that I'm a teacher, I will have to be impartial about religion. (Obvious enough?)

In any case, I hope that it will not offend anyone in the process. If there's anyone who will feel offended, please do speak up and I'll try to be more tactful.

And one more thing, I can't believe I'm actually saying this. I can't wait for school to start. I actually miss being a student. :s

Worthnoless

2010-07-19T05:57:00.000-07:00

NO! I dun ever wanna fall into darkness.
My hands wanna do some destructive work,
I wanna struggle some irresponsible teachers,
some annoying students,
and the whole damn school's facilities
except for the aircon in the classroom.
And I think of myself in a certain derogatory way,
and feel that I'll never be good enough to
excel in anything I do,
get attached and marry a good guy,
to be an awesome person.
NO! Enough is enough!
I should stop my self pity stuff!

Chaos

tis' strange, my thoughts are seemingly in coherence, though it is falling into incoherence, and I dunno why but I just gotta write it down some how.

Streams of consciousness. I wonder how Virginia Woolf did it and made it seem like order in chaos. If only....

tis the times that people should come together to congregate and share their woes to lift them up to God. Not only...

How now brown cow!
There is more to me than this,
cos we were meant to live,
with so much more than this.

Unsettled.

Vacillating from poem to prose
and back to the rows
of poem, without a meter
to follow, and no rhythm nor rhyme,
and can go on and on until I find myself running out of ....
of..... what is that word?
The word I need now?

Energy.

Thou art my Lord, is my shield, my portion and my deliverer.
My joy in thee is my strength,
and I shall offer my other cheek when others slap one side.
And all of my days I lift them up to you,
because Lord I'm tired and I need to rest in your promises.

Here are you

2010-07-11T06:19:00.000-07:00

And

it was so

suddenly

clear to me

what was I

looking for

all this time

There are you

over here

playing games

with my mind

Someone who

could talk to

It was you

This is getting sicker and more disgusting. Love people, where is it?

2010-06-29T21:13:00.000-07:00

To think that family ties can be screwed up over money and property is disgusting. Fine, it's normal according to the world's benchmark and level of greediness.

But for family ties to be screwed up on a whim of a matriarch. Now this is just sick and even more disgusting. I wonder who instigated all that crap. To those of u reading this, whether or not with ill-intentions, I pray that u will understand where I'm coming from.

Everyday, I see a situation right in front of me whereby family ties are estranged over money. and more to come I suppose. Screw the money. You want money, fat hope, u can't take the money. And I couldn't give two hoots about whether I'm the beneficiary or not. I'm giving all this money away to a charity when it comes to me. Sue me for it? Sure, go ahead. I'm pretty sure u can use ur excess to get more excess, rather than give it to people u needs it more. But I do what I want.

But if cos I can't, God would definitely not want me to have any ill feelings towards anyone, that's y he made me with a stronger conscience and a heart for the people than most do I guess. This verse came to me at an apt time when I was tossing and turning around in bed and decided to use the com.

"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling." ~ 1 Peter 4:8-9

Now I would just leave it as that for u to ponder over.

PS: I will, with God's help, forgive those who trespassed against me because the Lord told me so.

What I had gained through losing.

2010-06-27T09:58:00.000-07:00

Though I didn't win anything this competition, I gained a lot of experience, learnt new things, forged new friendships and strengthen existing bonds! Most of all, I hit my personal best and experienced God in this competition!

What I told someone on fb was that some people may say "they are just saying this to comfort themselves!" But they often forget that Archery is ultimately a battle with oneself to strive for further heights in one's journey. Some may win gold, but if they dun learn a thing about life as a whole or strive for new heights, they lose to their conceited selves.

To my lovely teammates, this was the best competition I ever had by far! It was awesome possum and we all hit our personal best despite the lack of time to train and what not! Thanks for the fun and love! Love u both!

And yes I wrote all this on fb, that's cos this IS my reflection!

Something I did not post on fb is that I noticed that their are alot of poor wretched souls who seem to base their existence on medals, trophies and achievements. How sad is that life... ... Oh poor wretched souls... ... Do u not know that man shall not live on bread alone, let alone MEDALS ANS TROPHIES? Whichever the case, God showed his sovereignty to me over this past one month and it was an awesome feeling. More awesome than anything else in the world. PRAISE THE LORD FOR HIS MERCY TO SHOW ME HOW WRETCHED I AM WITHOUT HIM! I hope I sound like Psalms 119 enough. okok I should stop that holier-than-thou attitude.

To think I was listening to Schuman's Death and the Maiden on Symphony before my rounds on sat... ... and had Satie's Gymnopedie stuck in my head especially for that motif in the starting. I dunno if that was a good thing, I just knew I did the best I ever did for a triple face. haha... ... oh and eating disgusting tuna subway... ... The worst subway I have eaten is at NUS... ... *pukes*

On the ending note, I truly enjoyed myself and I thank God for all the mercies he have showered upon me. Words cannot describe how overwhelmed I was and still is.

ONWARD LARKHILL!

2010-06-18T06:14:00.000-07:00

I really enjoyed the Larkhill camp! It was awesome! Before I continue, I would like to say, "OH YEAH NEW TEMPLATE! TOO BAD IF U HATE PINK!" Ok so anyway, I guess there's alot for me to say, but I'm gonna summarise it. It was awesome beyond words. The end! No I'm just kiddin'.

Of cos I'm gonna talk about it more! I'm such a chatterbox, if u take the chatter out of the chatterbox, it is just an ordinary empty box! So anyway(the real stuff), once more God revealed his will in an awesome way, this time in a flashy debate over BBQ dinner. The topics were on evalution and creationism (how can we miss this classic debate topics), all of which was concluded with a "It doesn't matter what the Scientist find out, as long as God wants to be found out, it has been and will be." Secularism in law and state and euthanasia also popped up, in fact it was the topic of secularism in law and state that got the conversation started and the outcome was "If it is God's will, it will be done and his glory shown." That's about it I can articulate for now.

Oh and I gave tuition today... ... It's gonna get tough... ...

I was from 1-3 Humility, 4 Gentleness and 5 & 6 Patience.

2010-06-12T17:41:00.001-07:00

I believe I was placed there for a reason and that reason has allowed me to understand certain things in my life. The reason is simple. God placed me there to do his will, and while he is at it, mould and groom me.

I posted the following on FB: " The learning point of the week: Be still and know that he is God. And while u r at it, pray according to his will. No use being a headless chicken running around, cursing and swearing and not accomplishing anything."

Recent events in my life has caused me to question my own character and other people's character. An avalanche of events thoughts from one social circle to another ad back again and to the next. I realised at the end of it all, it's all about pride and self. I asked myself, "What would Jesus do?" I do not wanna offend other and yet not allow him/her to get away with his/her misdeeds. My class placing in primary school says it all the Lord said.

1st: I must be humble to acknowledge my own transgressions and submit to the Lord, telling him that I have done wrong again have once again angered him. Please forgive me Lord and I pray that u will take me. My mistake was to be judgmental and condescend others. So what if other people lead a life of decadence and waste. Since they are my friends, I have can't just leave them alone while I feel disgusted from afar.

2nd: I must be gentle in my approach, after all that is what my name means. "Gentle strength" and "Meekness". Have I been living up to my name? On surface, yes. In fact, no. What am I going to do next? Enough said, it's time to plead to God for the spirit of Gentleness.

3rd: I must be patient with people and be more understanding and try to understand what they are going through. Patient with myself for not performing to expectations and patient to listen to God's instructions.

Having said that, I must also be gentle in the way I approach people and be patient with unwholesome comments and antics. I have indulged in few nonsense myself and in retrospect, shouldn't judge them for it. I also have to be gentle in rejecting certain nasty advances from people, explain things gently and be patient with them in understanding, and I have to do these all with humility.

Writing this reflection on a Sunday morning after a good night's rest from a disappointing day and a stress relieving evening, this weekend's reflection spills over from the weeks before and will be reflected upon again in future. Me being in a privileged position of being a Princess of the Kingdom of Heaven shouldn't act like I'm in hell. Get off my feet once more and start walking to the King my father. I'm bringing my brothers and sisters with me this time even if I have to push them.

I was placed in a class of Humility then taught in Gentleness and finally educated of Patience.

The evil one is getting desperate in the bid to spread his malice as these are the end times.

2010-05-21T01:28:00.000-07:00

He is going to drag alot of people to hell with him. Yes, and be careful of what u see or hear from the mass media.

Today's topic? The evils of the mass media and the entertainment industry. Blatantly shooting directly at certain actions done are rituals of satanic origins; 1st of the rack, Lady Gaga's Bad Romance. It is a ritual for the Babylonian God, Baal. That perverted goat do love his priestess naked prostitute and his offering a lavacious man just like him. *And yes I dare insult him without expecting any bad thing to happen to me as I'm a child of the one true God and he can't do anything to me. He would be too scared cos I have a battalion of angels from God guarding me.* Enough said, underlining meaning: BEWARE OF LADY GAGA. AND DUN SAY U WANNA BE MINDFREAKED OR MINDCONTROLLED AND ACT ALL TOUGH WHILE SAYING U WANNA SAW OFF UR LEG!

Today, more than ever, with the help of the mass media, many satanic images go through our head and minds without us even knowing it. The most classic example is the following song. I think this song is awesome, but I got kinda freaked out after my friend pointed something out to me.

See the eye in the beginning of the music video? That's the eye of Horus, the symbol of the illuminati. I didn't even notice it until my friend told me, I only thought this song was about taking drugs. geez... It's more than meets the eye.

Linking this back to Lady Gaga, I know people have said that Lady Gaga is the puppet of the illuminati cult and many fans off brushed it off. Well, the evidence is quite clear now that I have pointed to u about the eye of Horus. Look at almost all of Lady Gaga's music videos. Show me one that does not involve her closing one eye or her going into a weird trance of some sort in which she starts dancing. So all this evidence lead to one to each other, eventually it links the entertainment industry to the political ground. But I shall not go into details of that for today as the focus is on the entertainment industry.

The main idea here is that one should always be careful of what one is exposed to. So many blatant hints that are not obvious to the uneducated mind are the most dangerous. Cos one will not know what hit them until they die and see their life in retrospect. These are the end times, the evil one is appealing to our need for comfort and love by showing us casual sex and pornography, he also appeals to our need for any kind of self gratification by suggesting that "U are the most important thing in ur own life, and u should do what u want." This is not in line with what God says which is to "Love God above all other things" placing him the priority in ur life. That also means committing ur entire life and being to him and not to ur carnal desires. The entertainment scene is the devil's playground, u must ask urself, what is it that u r entertaining? and will it be eternal? What is it that u r trying to gratify? Does it make to feel whole?

U want orgasmic experience, here's a christian song to end off to allow u spiritual orgasmic. *sorry for the bad description God, can't find a better word to get attention*

You are ... cheesy lines

2010-05-04T10:00:00.000-07:00

Something random one of my BFF and I thought of... and it developed into 10 cheesy lines I decided to bring it further and compile it into a poem.

You are

the sugar to my candy,
the peanut of my tutu kueh,
the juice to my beef steak,
the coconut milk of my laksa,
the seasoning to my maggi mee,
the sun of my light,
the harmony to my melody,
the vitamin C of my orange,
the air to my balloon,
the sands of my hourglass.

Not Cheesy enough? Please help me add more?

I'm typing this post as I'm sitting on my bed feeling ambivalent knowing that it's my last day in hall.

2010-04-29T20:15:00.001-07:00

But a bit nostalgic though... ...

I wrote a note to my roomie, thanking her for allowing me to use her fridge and tolerating my nonsense. She is a PRC student, same age as me and she is pretty awesome and pretty too.

To think the year before I was rooming with my dad's friend's daughter whom I had been to the same school as her since young and practically all the way to uni, only getting to know her better as a roomie.

Clashes do occur, but oh well... we all kept quiet and tolerated.

The next roomie will be a vietnamese girl who is exactly one year older than me; she has the same birthday as me. How exciting is that! But that is if I get a place in hall.

It's been 2 years in the same room with different roomies and different toiletmates(there is a conjoined toilet in between every 2 rooms in where I'm staying), and different neighbours. Regardless, it's been nice knowing all of them.

ok signing off from this post to get packing and bathing. This is a memory to be noted down.

I'm a human afterall, but I wanna be a good human

2010-04-28T01:24:00.001-07:00

and while I'm trying to do that, I'll try to be a good child of God.

Exams are over and another reality sets in. I have to make choices and I dunno which one to decide on 1st... God will guide me... Step by step...

Ok I made the biggest mistake of my life... and I will not elaborate here. The point is that I need to be more tactful and I need to pray to God 1st before I do anything else...

ok and back to decisions... To be or not to be... ...

Leader or follower or supporter... ...

Marketplace ministry Vs Innercourt ministry... ...

God please help me make the right decisions and help me say the right thing?

Psalms 3

2010-04-14T06:42:00.000-07:00

I will blog about today's Bible Study cos I think it is very appropriate.

The background: I did something I shouldn't and I'm begining to scare myself.

Million Dollar question as asked by Darren: What keeps you awake at night?
We all agreed it is extreme emotions that keep us awake.

So yeah, I did something stupid and I'm feeling guilty about it. And I shouldn't even bother about it. Cos I'm just an idiot...

No I'm not an idiot, stop it devil. I'm a child of God. Do not attack my confidence and say that God will not deliever me; and do not stop me from shining as a beacon unto others. My sinful human nature tears me apart. But I will not give in. The Lord will guide me!

So yeah, I'm emoing and nobody actually realises the tears behind the smiles. and I'm openly writing this on my blog to see who actually will notice my blog and who actually notices. When someone emos, everybody will rush to one's side and superficially comfort them. No I do not need comfort, I need support and company. I'm almost doubting who I can even trust and I'm becoming paranoid.

*My real friends will stand by me through this. But does that mean those filtered out, who aren't my real friends are enemies? What do they say behind my back?*

There goes my confidence again. Snap out of it gal.

How are we coping with anxiety and how do/can we cope?
Read versus 3-6 of Psalms. The real foes are insecurities attacking our relationshop with God & not the personal grudge we have of other people.

What have I learnt?
God will always be there for us; as in seriously, if he chosen us, he will never forsake us. So he will deliever me from my sinful nature. God is the real friend that I have been looking for but he has actually been there for me the whole time.

Prayer requests:
I pray for all the lonely poor wretched souls in the world who have yet to feel God's love and has been tormenting and emotionally blackmailing people around them due to that emptiness. I also pray for the wisdom to deal with challenges in the world. And the discipline to get off fb or even the internet.

AND... The bible said, if a part of my body causes me to sin, cut it off; and since my addiction to the internet and connection to fb hence caused to me to be inappropriate, sin and be distracted, I WILL cut it off. In order to control myself, I have decided to cut myself off from the internet when I'm doing work. Most importantly, cut off from fb. So LAN cable, off u go after I post this up. Devil and sinful flesh u will not prevail.

Ok now back to Language Acquisition and Development.

Out of Some Weird Revelation comes Many Other Questions

2010-04-09T01:41:00.000-07:00

This week, I found out alot about a certain someone from my past, from a friend who was going around asking for numbers because he lost his hp. I questioned "How do I know it is not someone else hacking this com?" He replied "haha, good one. Cos I'm ur chem rep." ok passed. and yes, it was weird. He was the last few people to realise that there was someone that treacherous in our midst last time. hmm... ... Took him long enough, people are begining to forget about that person already.

But that was not the weirdest of my revelation. I begin to see things in different perspectives. Thanks or not to William Blake.RIP. I think he's semi-autistic or something. I really had to plough my brains inside out to figure this dead poet. He freaked me out quite abit initially. Then as I critically analyse the text, I found that I sympathsized with him. And no I ain't gonna be a anarchist anytime soon. or ever. I mean... Dude he is cool and revelutionary for his time. and still is today. He said things like "Excess of sorrow laughs and Excess of joy weeps."(from Marriage of Heaven and Hell, Proverbs from Hell)*now that title was shocking wasn't it?* He is a dissentent Christian, but still is a christian after all. I hope he got his peace in heaven.

Subsequently after that, I saw that it is interesting how one tries to assume superiority over another.(or other). The result is halocaust. To prevent this halocaust, I take a step back. and wait and see, if possible, walk away, if not run, as fast as u can. Imagine if such a thing happened between u and a friend. hoho... ... u can't run or walk away. Somebody please enlighten me? Somebody please remind me what Blake said about true friends? okok and what does the Bible say? When is it u fight, stay and be meek, or walk away?

My mind was in a frenzy yesterday and I couldn't quite do my Orientalism essay. But now I'm almost done. Sleep works wonders. Thank God for rest. :)

Now I'm wondering y some people would say things that did not happen? or maybe spread infomation that concerns a person but it does not directly reach the ears of the person in question. I wonder... Oh and maybe someone would like to tell me y I decided to do some really outrageous stuff and follow people that does not care much about others but themselves. Or is it me thinking too much? Am I really that insecure and paranoid? When do one stop caring? Or rather when do one START caring? Hmm... ...

I still dunno what I'm doing. or writing. or trying too hard to express.

The burdens that I carry in my heart are not as great as the burden of Jesus.

2010-04-04T05:51:00.000-07:00

And this I say in the light of my disobedience to the Lord and of lack of faith today. What a naughty girl/lil' sheep I have been.

I was supposed to bring my cell girls to macdonalds to celebrate one of the girl's birthday. But it was raining, and me of lil' faith decided to cancel it and hold it in the place where we would later have our chruch service as per usual. Why? cos I was afraid the rain would not stop and it would be heavy and that the girls would get wet and so would I. As I was about to gather them to go up, one of my girls told me that one delinquent wanted to come today, it was then when I realised my mistake of not setting the place at macs. Damn, I told myself and did not really set in deep in my heart. It was only when I settled down in the auditorium that I realised that the poor lost soul out there would join us if we had gone to macs, and could have followed us to service thereafter. I sat through the whole entire feeling that guilt. The service was also impactful and I was very very sure it would have touched her. Especially with the fact that she used to be a dancer for the youth service and the dance performance was excellent in terms of concept. I felt her pain, her loneliness flowing through me when I sat through service.

My greatest guilt lies in the fact that I've never donw anything, I've always been passion. It's time I got off my lazy butt and do something. No excuses for me of lil' faith.

I told my whole cell to pray for the girl and listen to the svc, but my heart was heavy laden to listen to the sermon carefully. Looking retrospectively, God was like saying to me, "see I told u not to rely on urself, I could have helped u but u just wanted it ur way. Now stop feeling guilty and pray for the next chance to come." And now this blog post is a post for me to lament over my guilt, and commit my whole entire christian ministry into God's hands. I have never fully felt the burden of being a leader until now. And I thank God better late than never. This new found leadership burden I have has never dawned upon me until today. The burden of shepharding his flock is tremendous, just a cell of at largest 6, and I'm already fretting. Compared to Jesus, my burdens are nothing. Jesus tends to a flock of billions (past & present) and counting(future) and he commits it to God. (The prayer at the Garden of Gethsemane) I better do that too. My cell leader answered alter call today and upon seeing so, I run up to her to pray for her. After that, I had my whole cell pray together for Bethia. Yes I would say her name here so that any Christian brother and sister who are reading my blog will pray for her. There's another, her name is Charlynn. She is very new to the faith.

So I better stop wallowing in self-pity and passiveness and start doing what God wants me to do.

Good Friday. SHALOM to the WORLD! & the men of my life?!

2010-04-02T05:57:00.000-07:00

and yoz I'm back bloggin', I guess it might be a weekly thing. Until exams are over... I guess... Seeing how fickle and uncommited I am... ...

So anyway, it's Good Friday. SHALOM to the WORLD! *peace* Gonna love JC! *puts up a Jesus freak sigh* JC! JC! JC! JC! u rock! Rocking rock of ages! I know I'm going to heaven cos of him, and I know I'm loved by God(that's the most important for a lonely soul for me to know).

So what if I'm unattached?! The man of my life is GOD! and of cos my earthly Dad too. haha... Speaking of which, I recently met my eye candy while going back to hall. Interestingly, I started a minor discussion on religious issues. He is not attending FCBC anymore and is attending NCC, a church I have my reservations about. But I'll not judge I hope. and there is this idea of radical grace that I'm not too sure about... and I'm really curious what it meant... I'll have to ask my Bible Study group and blog about it for people to see. My other eyecandy that I knew from some camp said that he is attending NCC too, and our conversation would have turned religious too if we didn't got interupted by the fact that we had to get out of the train and move out to where we were supposed to go respectively. Man... I can be radical... ... I guess like what my good friend Bettina said, if this pastor's church can save lives, we should not judge. In the 1st place, all human's shouldn't judge which other, we should embrace each other with love.

Love is God's greatest command to us. If we truly obey God we must love each other. Love, not lust nor sex. Love. That's y Jesus died on the cross for us. But I still have my reservations about that church. People say they see the light when they go there, but remember that Satan's name is Lucifer, meaning the angel of light; so please dun go to the wrong light.

So about me saying SHALOM to the World! It's about the recent bomb attacks over at Mascow. My dad said all Muslims who only think of dragging people down in misery with them should die 1st before they do so... NaStY... ... as far as I know, his Malay friends are chillax types, so are mine. We can sit down over dinner, tea or coffee with them and debate with them over religious issues and we are still chill, I even get more insights into the Muslim faith and find that it is not excatly the same God we are worshipping too. Why can't all the Muslims in the 3rd world countries take in the soft side of the Quran; why the Jihad?! It's so sad seeing others drag them down together in misery. Satan u shall not prevail! u hear me?! U WILL NOT PREVAIL SATAN! God's Justice will prevail. *LOVE BEAM!!!! ZAP!!!! ZAP!!!!*

And some must be thinking why am I so open about mentioning my eye candies?(action, extra, whatever u say...) Well, I've got my thinking sorted out already, I'm surrendering my love life to God, cos the loneliness from not having a bf is what's gripping me the past 1 year or so, and today's sermon is about surrending everything to God. Like how Abraham surrendered to God his only son Issac and told what God told him to. I realised that I do not feel ashamed about it anymore, though my loneliness is still there, that's cos I need time to adjust. I believe God will find me a good husband, and not just any super good looking peagent king or part-time model that comes along. Kind and strong in faith they maybe, but if God says no, it's no. I ain't gonna be stubborn, ergo desperate anymore. Having said that, I pray that my heart will not harden and I'll gain more understanding and not moral superiority over people who only got attached upon a week or 2 of knowing their partners.

So love for lust aside, it's love the world, ur neighbours and enemies, and most importantly, love God. Shalom!

PS: I love my family! :3 ~ <3

PSS: This is the 1st time after a long time I'm allowing people on my bf to see my blog again. Cos as one have read my past few blogs and with the title change, I'm shifting focus for this blog.

Nationalism is Patriotism repackaged for the post-colonial modern context

2010-03-25T20:51:00.000-07:00

So no, patriotism is not so passe after all... ...

and that was what I wrote for my lit in-class reflective assignment. It was a surprise in-class reflective assignment. My prof was smiling as he announced it. *faints* Everybody when to the toilet screaming and going "ZOMG!" So anyway, I wrote in my reflective essay that the Great Books and classics are still valid in today's context as they speak about universal truths, SEA regional literature is just stating the universal truths in a different way. Like Patriotism is repackaged in the modern sense and name Nationalism for the post-colonial context.

I dun really care if people agree with my or not, I just feel that the issues in the great classics can never go wrong, and so is the so called less acknowledged SEA regional lit. I mean if I acknowledge it, and the people in this region acknowledge it and the writers are acknowledge, it's all that matters. Message from the texts gotten and people reflect on themselves after reading the story, I think it good to go.

So anyway, speaking of Patriotism, I'm glad that I still can go to a university even though I'm a chinese but I'm in SEA. Oh actually, I'm kinda Peranakan Chinese from my mum's side... Local enough? I think I'm threading on political ground when I write my 10-page language policy comparison report. After reading some history material for background info, I figured that Lee Kwan Yew could have ruled Malaysia if Singapore didn't get kicked out of the the Federation. MM Lee is the bomb that Tunku was afraid of... AKA Lee Kwan Yew pwns the political scene in this region. and I'm glad cos if it wasn't for him, honestly, I could be in the slums and grovelling the ground for my food. So I'm proud to be a Singaporean.

Now now... this reminds me, I shouldn't be too proud... ... Singaporeans got to be humble and remember that we were a mess last time; stop complaining about that old man and his family. If it wasn't for him, u wouldn't even be here critising in English or having a computer to send ur hate mail. So peace. and stop digging in the PRC's, do remember that majority for us here originated from there. The raising dragon will swallow the up. Beware all u Americans. My roomie is a PRC, after the initial attrition, I found that she is an awesome. She allowed me to use the fridge even though I didn't pay for it. Like how cool is that!

So anyway, y m I here typing this.... I'm supposed to be doing my 10-page report! Gotta go! God Bless and peace!

UnSeTTleD

2010-03-18T21:49:00.001-07:00

Unsettling as it is, I saw something crazy... My ex-eyecandy seems to be a bit sad and stuff... & it seems as if it's about his relationship... I'm feeling kinda evil here but I'll be truthful and say that to begin with, their relationship seemed like a superficial one. But that aside, I still pray that he will walk closely with the Lord.

Ok so the MOST UNSETTLING THING: is over for now.

Just handed in an assignment tjhat is marked by a serious of mayhems and nervous luaghters... My poor groupmates are like so relieved. and so am I. I was like 5 mins before deadline: DUDE U BETTER STOP NOW AND SEND IT IN TO SAFE ASSIGNMENTS!

15 mins after the deadline: *nervously laughing while walking to the ELL office for hardcopy submission*

So anyway, that's life for now and I thank God that I'm still conscious and still have time to even nyom down my subway in a record timing of 10mins and whisk myself up to lit tutorial and catch 6 hours of sleep.

As I told my friend on fb, this is the uncensored and uncut life of a uni kia. Get them fresh and juicy on fb!

Welcome to life!

Now time to start on my 10 page report on comparing Singapore's and Malaysia's Language policy. Ganbatte to self!

My hopes and dreams just shattered in that instance in the shooting line when I found out my equipment failed on me...

2010-03-07T06:48:00.000-08:00

This is the 1st major competition in which I have never won a medal... Not just me, but my teammates, we were all in a panic when we found out my bow limbs split at the socket joints... Really crap man... So pissing! and I feel like I have let my teammates down!

There is a hope that burns within my soul... ...

There is a drive to get that Gold medal plus trophy back burning within my soul too... ...

I was so screwed! I can't believe it happened to me!!!! Like RAWR!!!! WHY GOD? I wanna know why! Why my equipment fail on me during competition?! My world is sinking into an abyss! NO!!!! and I was so embarassed when that happened! All the negetive feelings mixed into one. The worst thing is I lost a battle without fighting it!

*sniffles* ... ... ... ... And those stuck up people... ... They should just stop being so stuck up and encourage fellow archers though we are opponents.

Freak accidents happen... ... This is the ultimate freak accident that happened to me in my whole entire life!

That was the very 1st arrow I shot and the last arrow I shot with that pair of bow limbs. I'll never get cheap stuff ever again for Archery.

NEVER BUY CYBOW POWERFULL LIMBS! LEST IT FAILS AND SPLITS ON YOU DURING COMPETITION!
And God, I still wanna know why it happened... ... :(

In the light of trials and competition, I pray that I will not lose sight of God's actual will for me.

2010-02-18T21:35:00.000-08:00

Inklings of Faith: There Is A Hope:
"THERE IS A HOPE"
by Stuart Townend and Mark Edwards
Copyright (c) 2007 Thankyou Music.

There is a hope that burns within my heart,
That gives me strength for ev'ry passing day;
a glimpse of glory now revealed in meager part,
Yet drives all doubt away:
I stand in Christ, with sins forgiv'n;
and Christ in me, the hope of heav'n!
My highest calling and my deepest joy,
to make His will my home.

There is a hope that lifts my weary head,
A consolation strong against despair,
That when the world has plunged me in its deepest pit,
I find the Savior there!
Through present sufferings, future's fear,
He whispers, 'Courage!' in my ear.
For I am safe in everlasting arms,
And they will lead me home.

There is a hope that stands the test of time,
That lifts my eyes beyond the beckoning grave,
To see the matchless beauty of a day divine
When I behold His face!
When sufferings cease and sorrows die,
and every longing satisfied,
then joy unspeakable will flood my soul,
For I am truly home."

I had the weirdest dream I ever had in my entire life thus far

2010-02-18T20:41:00.001-08:00

So yeah... this is the documentation of my dream, note that I was in hall napping after my dad fetch me back to hall. Both dreams were almost to real.

The 1st dream was like I woke up and yeah I was in hall, I on my laptop and began to do my work. Then just then my roomie said bye to me and went for lesson, my granny came to visit me in hall, I suspect she was running away from home. I was shocked to find her already in my room. And then, I asked her, y did she do all those crazy things suing my dad over property and say I caused her to fall when she clearly fell down by herself and then now trying to scream for me and always asking where am I, while still blaming me for her fall. She didn't reply, she just looked away... gee... ... then I didn't know what happened next.

Before I knew it, I was in my 2nd dream... like this time, I dreamt that I woke up from the previous dream thinking how creepy it was.(a dream within a dream?!!!!) I was on my parents' bed slowly stirring and thinking something is wrong with this waking. And then I went to my room to put down my blanket and do my bed then I approached the stairs cos I hear tv sounds from downstairs. I saw my mum in front of the tv, my sister's voice from the corner of the house screaming at me saying how early I have woken up and my granny at her usual place where the wheel chair is parked before she pissed off everyone in the house and confined herself to her room before my dad could confine her. I couldn't see my sister, and I could only see my granny's legs but not full body cos the stairs is blocking the full view because I didn't descend the stairs completely. I just turned back and when to the toilet to bathe. And somehow I ended up looking at myself in the mirror and thinking something is wrong then washed my undergarments. Now the freaky thing is that all this seemed so real and clear its stuck in my head as a memory and not in anyway dream like. Then my mum came to me to tell me I have to wash my other undergarments as well and I thought in that dream I heard it before though now when I think about it, I have never heard of it before. I asked my mum what day is it today(in the dream) and before she could reply I saw the calendar was 2008 september I think, and I screamed and said I'm from 2009! What am I doing in 2008?! Then I cooled myself down after my mum run to tell dunno who, and I took my blanket from dunno where and then tried to go back to my parents' bed and laid there like how I was before I woke up. I tried to sleep myself into it, but I couldn't, then I focused my mind that I should be in hall waking now.

I slowly woke up and found myself back in hall... When I woke up I felt creeped out and I realised, I'm in 2010 not 2009. and y on earth did I wake up from one dream to another? I refuse to comtemplate over this further for I'm afraid of it being another prophetic dream, cos most of the dreams that cause me to freak out or cause me to worry are prophetic. Or maybe God is trying to tell me something and I'm too freaked out to listen. God if there is something u need to tell me, can it be in something less freaky?

My God Reigns - Abundant Life Church

2009-12-12T23:25:00.000-08:00

My God Reigns
- Matt Hooper & Jock James

(Verse 1)
I have a hope so sure
An anchor for my soul
My peace in the worst of times
I trust in God alone

(Pre Chorus)
Let every voice declare it now

(Chorus)
My God reigns
His love will never fail me
My God reigns – He’s ruling over all
In all my Life
In every situation I know
My God is greater
My God is over all

(Verse 2)
By faith I have believed
And on this truth I stand
No power in life or death
Can take me from His hand

(pre chorus)
Let every voice declare it now

(Chorus 2)
My God reigns
His love will never fail me
My God reigns – He’s ruling over all
In all my Life
In every situation I know
My God is greater

(Coda)
My God is greater, my God is greater
My God is greater, my God is greater
(My God is greater, my God is over all)

(Bridge)
Above all sickness, above all fear
Above every heartache here
In earth and heav’n – My God reigns!
Above all power, above all thrones
The greatest love I’ve ever known
Today, forever, my God reigns!

(Chorus X 2)

Lovely trip to Marina Barrage

2009-12-12T22:41:00.000-08:00

It was an awesome time together taking pictures and such, soaking into the wind and the losing the rose on my hairpin and random chat here and there.

Mark, Selwyn, Lizzie, Winnie and I just sat down and about to chill... ...

And it all ended when the announcement "will the car owner of SXXXXXX please move away your car, *we were thinking who was that irresponsible fella arh?" I repeat, will the car owner of of SXXXXXX *Selwyn points to himself and says "that's my car!"* please move away your car. Thank you."

And then we rushed down the stairs and rushed all the way to the car.

And there it goes with an anticlimax ending of our lovely trip to the Marina Barrage.

Classic.

NewsNote: The Hypersocialized Generation

2009-11-18T06:15:00.000-08:00

NewsNote: The Hypersocialized Generation

I woke up with a very bad headache, sore throat, blocked nose and slight fever.

2009-11-16T04:08:00.000-08:00

On FB: "But I still went for driving lesson anyway. Strange thing is how I forgot to renew my PDL and was confined to the circuit.... I couldnt have imagined myself out onto the roads... ... God worked in a lil' strange way once more.

And I studied and studied despite my half concious state and a burning throat. I feel like I could breathe fire anytime now... ..."

Welcome to the world my Noble Princess!

2009-11-11T09:58:00.000-08:00

I'm late in saying this... ... But better than nothing! LOVE U LOTS TOO!!!! Both u and Angel of Good News! Auntie Mil will shower u will lots of love!

Welcoming the Angel of Good News!

2009-10-10T10:05:00.001-07:00

Welcome to this world lovely! I will take care of u for as long as I live and love u dearly! Now we r just waiting for the Bright and Noble one so that u can have a life long friend. Lotsa loves, hugs and kisses!

~Love Auntie Mil~

The Children's Day of my few days close to 20th year of existence

2009-10-01T01:50:00.000-07:00

On Children's Day, a letter and a certificate was posted into my mailbox marking the end to what binds me to my childhood. I'm finally free. I can make music the way music was meant to be in my innocent childlike mind. And currently, I can't stop singing songs of praise.

Hallellujah!

My outlook on string making... ...

2009-08-21T06:56:00.001-07:00

Making bowstring can be, what is that word... colourless, despite the variety colours of the string. ehh... Also, that word that describes an emotional state experienced during periods lacking activity for those who r bystanders or learners who r not in the activity. But nonetheless I conclude that it is a very very useful knowledge!

Friends and experiences.

2009-07-14T07:36:00.000-07:00

Thank God for all of them.

Love ya who stood by me while I'm down and still standing by me!

PS: I wouldn't say people whom I dislike or people whom dislike me as enemies. I supposed to pray for them. So I rename them as "experiences".

PSS: No matter what happens next, I know true friends like God and the friends he placed beside me will be there for me.

PSSS: Please pray for Punggol Secondary School, the kids are a lost bunch. The school is in the middle of nowhere, in more ways then one.

PSSSS: Bitching on my job is now known as Critical Inquisition. I think it sounds cool and professional.

PSSSSS: Seeing this kids, primary or secondary has made me realised alot of truths in a new light, ergo the feeling that I'm growing to be a teacher, which actually is a pleasant thing. *Stable Income and Good government Incentives are the material things that make one stay when they feel jaded with the job.* *I hope I dun get jaded... ... *

PSSSSSS: Last but not least, God rocks!

It's up to u to decide whether what happens to u is good or bad.

2009-07-07T07:47:00.000-07:00

There's a reason y I posted this up on facebook and on my blog. After so much that has happened to me over the years and recently, I can only say God is good. All the time.
People may betray ur secrets, even when u think they r mature, people may have backstabbed u when u were younger, but as u grow older, u will realise that such things dun matter anymore. It's in the past. Besides, whatever wrongs that people do to u is their problem. They have God and themselves to answer to. So I'll just concentrate on becoming the child the the Lord wants me to be.
God give us just nice amount of watever we need in the world to survive. Anymore and you've gotta ask, but if he doesn't give it to u, it just means it's bad for u. Now for those of u who have read this, it's up to u to decide whether u wanna continue living the life that u have been living or u can decide to try to change and lead a life more worthy of a human who is made in the image of God.

OK I dunno if I'm making enough sense here or not.

The meaning of my name Mildred (Pronunciation:/mɪldrəd/)

2009-07-03T07:58:00.000-07:00

My mum used to say, "gentle counsellor behind the throne". That means, I would be a good wife.

Now my friends, do let me tell u what I found out about my name. (For those who recently know me, it's not surprising that u will find my name most laughed at especially when I break it up)

As I look through the websites over the years, I realised it was old english.
Mildred -> Mil-dred (mind u it's pronounced as Mil-dred, /mɪldrəd/ not Mild-red)
Mil/ Mild -> Mild, Meek, Gentle
dred -> strength, strong

Ergo the meaning Gentle Strength or Meekness.

This is the verse from the Bible that some baby names book said it's supposed to be associated to my name, though I dunno how it was related, I just thought it very nice and decided to post it up as well.(enlighten me if u will)

1 John 4:7
Dear friends, let us love another, for love comes from God Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.

As I type this, I think I'm enlighten. Meekness is not weakness. It is strength from inside. And one of the things about strength is the strength to love and forgive. I think I know where this is heading too.
(Please do continue reading even if u r not a christian)

My name is not about becoming a good wife. It's about learning to go against the ways of this world and to forgive people where other's can't, it's about learning to stand up for the Lord and his people, even if someone slaps or kick me for it I must offer my other cheek to the assaulter and do as Jesus did, love and forgive. Love unconditionally forgives the other party, and meekness comes in when u r being trampled on and u know u can't forgive the person, but u must find the strength as Jesus did to love and forgive the person. Enough said, I know what I must do now. All I need is u Lord, to guide me to be a beacon and demostrate this meekness that Jesus embodied and to do ur will.

PS: To those who made a joke outta my name and what colour bow I'm buying, this is an announcement to u all. Yes, I'm buying a red bow, it's the closes to pink, and yes, after much thought about my name yes well... ... Dun worry, I forgive u for the joke! ;p

Note: This was written on the 18 June 2009 at 10:46. On the next day, my teammate says she is getting a dark red bow too. On the 29 June I had an allegation that I had no individuality cos I cos the same colour as my teammate. Now that's God really testing me to see if this revelation got into my heart and not just into my mind.

Perspectives

2009-06-29T10:28:00.000-07:00

They always change. So do impressions. Can't really say for sure if the change is the good or bad thing. Talk about change, it is the not constant. Ironically.

This month, I really had an altogether big life-changing experiences. One fact to confirm, Humans do show their ugly sides under different lights. Another fact to confirm, all Humans do have insecurities, just like I do. The 2 facts combined, when 2 or more people having their own insecurites clash, they bring out the ugly side of each other, more so for 1 than another. This ugliness and insecurities will only be suppressed or eliminated once the love of God comes in between. Differences and insecurities will be seen as a step to understanding at least the maniscule level of another and to accept each other; ergo, God coming in as a common understanding of how humans should learn to live with one another and a greater and higher calling comes in to distract us from our insecurities. *sounds like some essay* And this I've learnt in a difficult way. U can beg to differ with me if u wanna, but this is my understanding of my life, and maybe u should try look at it from my perspective. If u do, then u will see much-needed timely God's intervention in my life everytime I need it.

On my last official night in hall for this semester, I ponder on such things. Alone in the room really can do ur reflection times good. And there goes another msn popup of some pics or advert scam. The thing that cos me to ponder about this. Someone I have much respect for last time fell victim to this and he told me that I was in the hit list. I really wondered, y he was so flustered about the pics. Oh so the pics were really personal. Yup what happens in the bedroom should remain in the bedroom. The body is the sacred temple of God strickly speaking not just to girls. It's not the problem with the pics, like I say, do what u want with ur life and pics, the issue is how the he reacted in a convo to someone who looks up to u as a mentor. I would not say further what added on to this irony, I would just say it's making me sick *the induce vomit kind*... ... I guess adults need to remember what they taught us. Ok I think I should stop here before I reveal more. *no pun intended*

Oh and I still think Family bonds are the strongest no matter how u try to break up. The breaking-up of the bonds is the hardest and the most painful, especially to the one who is still clearer-minded, ergo more sensitive to the pain.

So much talk about saving the Earth and humanitarian efforts

2009-06-27T10:36:00.000-07:00

Watch this few video clips and see what really needs to be done for this quickly degrading World.

Please try to finish your food at all times
http://www.cultureunplugged.com/play/1081/Chicken-a-la-Carte

People think more than advertisments of cute lil' children when u talk of "Saving Gaia"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N7JYS7My6nU

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=31T3do2h2DM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vpYzwJ732HQ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7FVZSUsT-Ws&feature=related

Child Labour
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2YHL2azUSEw

There are still many many more clips on Youtube. But the point is, did u touch ur heartstrings?

Michael Jackson's song "Heal the World" is the best song to play in the background right now.

A special blog post tribute to the King of Pop Michael Jackson

2009-06-25T22:23:00.000-07:00

I loved this song for as long as I can remember. Just wanna make u get off ur butts and onto ur feet and dance. Dun worry Michael Jackson, ur body maybe died, but ur name and songs will be remembered and live on for as long as people hear ur songs.

I give u Rockin' Robin.

Blog Revamp

2009-06-22T08:04:00.000-07:00

I decided to revamp my blog... ... It's not much... ... Still pretty much the same colours, except in different shades. haha... ... PINK PINK AND MORE PINK!!!! As for the profile pic, I'll just leave my cosplay photo there until I can find a better picture... ... I wonder if I'm gonna revamp my blog afterwhile... ... Oh well... ... *grins* Highly likely yes!

SAFRA INDOOR OPEN

2009-06-21T09:11:00.000-07:00

I didn't win any trophy or medals... ... But I did gain a lifetime of experience... ... Like so totally. Priceless. I also ended up 'babysitting' the RJ girl who shot on the same lane as me. Kinda reminds me of myself at my 1st competition(AAS) and how there was once I shot a 10 then my teammate shot a miss and landed on the outerrim of my target and it cut the line, and I kinda overreacted, and I feel bad about it after that. Most of all, I learnt to control my feelings on the shooting line. Most of all, we are all more or less in the standard class and yet we join the open class. The odds were on us, but we still did our best anyway. And one teammate manage to play until semifinals. That's an amazing feat for standard class archers.

Bleh Bleh Bleh Bleh... ... ... ... It can go on about how the day went, but I'm really too tired to think. From 8am to 8pm. How's that for a full day event... ... This is really hardcore and I'm totally wiped out. haha... ... But still, I'm thinking that I still need to blog about this to do reflections. Like in AAS. Been typing and retyping stuff here to make it sound politically correct. Ok that's it, I'm totally falling asleep in front of my com just thinking and reflecting about it.

The number 24

2009-06-14T07:06:00.000-07:00

24. My lucky number... ... eh no. My unlucky number, cos I was born on that day. Eh no wait. it should be lucky, unless I'm a really unlucky person... Hey wait a min. Why am I talking about luck and unluck when I'm supposed to be a christian, and believing in God? Ok so the number 24 is a blessed. I was born on the 24, and there are 24 hours in a day.

whao... ... and For the NUS indoor, my land and detail is 24A. Nice. And despite the whatever nonsense, I got a bronze and a horrible backache. To God be the Glory! I survived thrugh these. I never thought I could even get a bronze. HONESTLY, my morale was super low... ... Again like my facebook shoutout says " Thanks Jing Wen and Rose for the precious bronze medal! :) Even though it was only bronze,(to some people) it meant alot to me!(and I'm sure to u too) Love u 2 lots! *hugs and kisses* XOXO!!!! "

The medal meant alot to me in different ways, afew I can declare on blog for my friends to read, a few is to keep silently in my heart. A few of them that I can declare is dedicating this medal to Winnie and Liz for the times I couldn't spend with them due to training when Liz was still in Singapore. Another was to prove to the world that the underdogs, such as ur truly can strive hard. Another was to be able to show God's glory in this competition. I did my best, and God did the rest. And also, cos it's Rose's and Jing Wen's 1st time doing TKO, and I wanna give it my best so that I wouldn't let them down when they are trying their best too.

I thank the Lord for wonderful teammates who cover up my sorry arse when I didn't shoot well in this competition! And thanks for those who prayed for/with me and/or keep me in their hearts! Love ya lots!

PS: My team number is 10, NTU 10. I'm born in October, the tenth month. haha... ...

Ironies. I'm B-ing myself oncemore. And I ain't ashame of it.

2009-06-01T02:04:00.000-07:00

Though I'm in despair for not doing well again. It's ironic how I was watching jungle book while my friend told me that the exam results r out. The biggest hidden irony? The lyrics for bare nessecities were in a text that we were tested on for one module. Nice one going dude... U r B-ing urself. Once more. Well, at least these sem, my GPA is higher cos another irony happened. While I was expecting myself to do badly for a few modules, I've got B- for one (expected) one and A- for another one (unexpected), and the rest r B-ing as per normal. I think one of my prof was being very linent on my research paper... ... Well, as for the B-... ... Wat can u expect of someone who wrote a 1 liner for 8 and 10 mark questions? There I go again rumbling off... In future if I still have this blog and my students see it, I think they can take comfort in the fact that their teacher ain't so smart. So if I can do it, so can they. The same friend who informed me of D-day also shouted out in Facebook that "the EIGHT BEST WORDS OF ANY NIE TEACHER- Permitted to proceed to next stage of course...YEAH BABY. thats all i need to hear". Yup, I agree with u Izzan.

Oh and another irony. Facbook quiz result for What's your geek level? quiz and the result is Studious. Remarks: "Slowly getting there. Its all about hard work and owning that next mechanics test." This is hilarious... ... If I'm studious, I wouldn't be doing so badly for my exams. Oh and I dun do mechanics. I do language and literature.

The Ultimate phrases of the day.

2009-05-25T08:19:00.000-07:00

"I didn't take anything from u!"
A phrase of not acknowledging how much ur son has done for u. A phrase that made a grand-daughter horribly disappointed. Alright! Pissed it is. Damn pissed. On my sister's wedding, who was the person who locked my granny in the house and made my brothers wait for about 1 hour outside the house for someone to open the dorr so that my brothers can take her to my sister's church wedding? And now, who says they were not invited? Who says we did not want granny to come? Again I say, fresh out of a Channel 8 drama serial.

Imagine waking up early in the morning hearing words of accusation coming from ur granny's mouth to ur dad accusing him of not taking care of her when he spent his savings on her. I woke up to that noise this morning. My heart ached at such a horrible noise... ...

If u all money grabbers(and yes it is if not y r u suing ur bro who have used his OWN money to feed his mother and claiming that he have taken her money) insist on calculating down to the single cent, ok fine! I earn $250 from my 5 day part-time job last time and I gave u $50 from it. I cooked fried rice for u, accompany u to the hair dresser(my dad fetched), accompany u to the clinic(my dad fetched), sew ur buttons and sleeves for u, wat else... I dunno... ... I can't calculate anymore, I'm not that sort of person. I rather be me and just heck the calculating part and just move on. I wondered who was the one who started with the calculating in the 1st place... ...

I even cried the time I realised that u were turning ur back against us. I guess tears ain't money... ... So it doesn't count to u right?

Enough is enough... ... I cannot bear such anger for too long... ... I can't continue like that... It will sap the happiness out of me. I need the peace of God with me... ...

And yes, u take alot away from me. U took away the trustI had in u. Sorry Granny, but u broke my heart by hurting my dad and mum who cared for me more than u care for us.

I wonder if the others know the liability of this situation and this old lady. (Dun bother to brainwash her, she has nothing that she can offer u to show her appreciation for taking sides with her if u r looking for money and property)

OK, all the blabbering is over now... time to calm down and think rationally and not stoop to their level and name calling... ... I can't even remember the phrases she used on us...

Daddy, Mummy, dun be sad, u still have us ur natural children to keep u company. Daddy, dun gloom the whole day cos it's making me even sadder too... U still have us! *hugs*

My disappointment is beyond tears now. I'm past caring or crying for u and over u. Unless u show me even once that u really did care for ur grandchildren at te very least, even if it is not me.

To those who r reading this cos u r checking up on my internet accounts to spy on my family:
After reading this and u feel insulted, it means u r guilty of whatever evilness I mention in this post. Instead of getting angry, I appeal to ur conscience to please put a stop to this craziness. AND STOP STALKING OUR FACEBOOK ACCOUNTS. Take care and May the peace of God that surpasses all understanding be with you, and God Bless you.

In Loving memory to 2 of my beloved arrows...

2009-05-14T08:42:00.000-07:00

**See the original collection**

Oh yes... ... It's hard for me to explain... Seeing is believing what shooting indoors can do to ur arrows when u miss the board. *Points below*

So as one can see, there is 1 arrow which seems to be in a somewhat flower shape and another which is bent. (note that I make it alternate with those which arrow points merely got dislodged; I prefer to think of it as being artistic) Those r the ones I can't use anymore, unless I take drastic actions to do something about it.(I dunno what r the drastic actions I can take) *sniffles*... ...

The horror of it all... ... That's when u realise u rather stand under the hot sun whole day to train and let the arrow fly into the ground when it misses the board.

Most of all, it was not the problem with my form... The folly lies with the overused sponge turning soft and holey (not my problem the the arrow when through the board), and the 2 most fatal ones that killed my arrow and injured some was my sight(not my problem that the sight is lose and keeps dropping, but my problem for not constantly checking the sight).

Lesson learnt. Take aim and make sure that the arrow lands on the hard part of the board(though difficult to pull, the muscle aches is more worth then a heartache); and most importantly, check the sighting. Oh and yes, the importance of commiting to the shot(I hate to admit this, but yeah... ... There is much truth in this undeniable fact).

Applying New Criticism to everyday life! AAA101! (Oh man I think I studied too much! Somebody stop me!!!)

2009-05-13T00:57:00.001-07:00

Yet another post from my facebook notes that I deem interesting to be mentioned here. My take on S-factor.

*WARNING!*
*It is some highly intellectual critque. If u r looking for some gormless rantings, please do not bother to bore urself out! Do skip to the next blog or something.*

*~NOTE~*
*This was posted in facebook before the last day of my exams.*

The following was sparked by reading a post on Kevin's take on feminism in S-factor:

S-factor is not reflective of true feminism though it has feministic undertones.S-factor no doubts celebrates the beauty of the female and individuality, but it reduces the ladies to mere sexual commodities in which the media can maek use of for socio-economic purposes. Hence, the ideological fantasy behind it is to mass sell beauty of the female and individuality which is highly ironic.

{ok that sounds like the paper I'm going take for tmr... ...}

Ergo, the ideal viewer of this show would be woman who desires to be like this women on screen to follow the trend they set and I, the resisting viewer, views that it degrades woman and make them in sexual commodities.

{ok that's it, I think I'm studying too much for New Criticism(Marxism)... Oh well, hope the same thing happens tmr morning! Prof Matlida! Ain't ya proud?! Correct me if I'm wrong on analysis people. Ok dun hit me!}

The following are the links to the S-factor clip I saw that helped me destress and yet bring out this geek in me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fma987m0wqs&NR=1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ydZHy_KRXE

Kevin, ya wanna talk about feminism? Bring it on... ... Out of the 7 texts we have to study, 6 are pro-feminist. haha... ... ok just kidding! I'm just lamenting the fact that feminism and modernism is actually easier to do then criticisms, narratology and structurlism[semiotics]! and we lit students like to do it the emo way... ... ok maybe not all... ... right?! ok dun hit me again!

Kudos and Credits to Kevin for the inspiration... ... and bringing out the geek in me.

*So for the rest of u who read this, did ur brain explode? If it didn't, good for u. Welcome to uni life.*

The moment exams are over.

2009-05-11T01:54:00.000-07:00

Ok I took quite along time to write this. EXAMS ARE OVER!!!! (2-weeks-ago kinda annoucement)

Oh well, what I would find the most challenging post exam activity is... ...

*flashback to doing post-exam-to-do list*
1. Practise Piano
2. Archery Training
3. Driving lessons
4. Cellgroup Outing
5. Clean my room at home
6. Teach Mum how to use the computer
*snaps back to present times*

The Most challenging post exam activity is... not practising Piano to pass the exams, nor going for Archery Training to swipe all the medals possible at NUS indoor, not even learning to steer the wheel properly not organise an outing for 5 kids, all of whom have different interest. NOT EVEN CLEANING MY DUST-FILLED-CANNOT-EVEN-SEE-THE-FLOOR-BECAUSE-OF-ALL-THE-BOOKS-I-BROUGHT-BACK-FROM-HALL ROOM AT HOME!

*flashback to skype conversion with da ge*
"Must teach Mummy how to use the computer so that she can do up her own little business."
**Note the use of imperatives**
*snaps back to present times*

I'm an english language and literature teacher; not an IT teacher! SOMEBODY!!!! HELP ME!!!!

Note: Watching Anime isn't in the list anymore... **sniffles** NO TIME FOR MARATHONS LIKE I USED TOO!

An Ode to someone :) Guess who!

2009-05-03T10:54:00.000-07:00

The little Bird who became a Phoenix

Following the path that she must take
The little Bird is waiting for her last break
Through, walking down that path is the final
Beside her a Cow and a Mouse stood
Supporting her and walking that last path
Before she takes her flight
That is what friends are for
Throughout good and bad times
The animals have stood by each other
Tears of parting are shed amongst them
Now as the little Bird stands firmly
With wings eager to soar
Her feathers bloom as she flaps hard
Up she goes and beyond the horizon
To a new place that the Father has called her too
There she goes fearless and majestic
The little Bird who become a Phoenix.

On my way to the lighthouse (Based on a true story)

2009-04-21T08:31:00.000-07:00

I posted the following up on facbook.

On my way to the lighthouse, I got lost along the way and couldn't even find the coast to get a boat. Just then, I met the respectable ladies of our study, Jane, Evelina, Moll, Margery, Mrs Ramsay, Miss Youghal sais, and the whole gang of them. It was a no-man event gathering. aka husbands, lovers, brothers, brother-lovers and what not are not allowed. They said they were going to the lightouse too. So I hopped on the bandwagon. We were going to discuss feminism and modernism when Margery decided to talk about fop rock because she saw how cute the leader singer was(even though he wasn't at all). Moll seemed interested and decided to talk about her great love life and the conversation got dominated them. Lily Briscoe seemed disinterested and took put her sketchbook to draw and Evelina and Jane thought that Moll and Margery was being too explicit so they decided to start their own converstion. The event was getting to nowhere and I tried to seem interested in what everyone was doing, but it was getting too boring for me. Mrs Ramsay was not happy with such a sight and she decided to head the discussions. She made the girls gather together to prepare dinner and such. After that everyone gathered to have dinner and talked a great deal. Sadly to me, I still found it a bit boring and even confusing especially when someone mention modernism again. But since I really needed to go to the lighthouse I had to bear with it and tried my best to listen and be entertained. In the end, I wonder if I'm on the right track to the lighthouse.

Yeah right... ... It's actually a story on how I can't read "To the Lighthouse" and various Literature text of this semester without falling asleep...

When Sanity Hanges on a thin thread

2009-03-31T05:06:00.000-07:00

When Sanity hangs on a thin thread,
Will you wait to see it break?
Hear the thread snap
and recoil,
and continue to hang loose as if Sanity wasn't on it before, as if
Sanity
was not part of it?

Or

Will you turn away,
face your back on it
And not see it.
Will you turn away, cover your two ears
And not hear
anything.
the object that hangs
loose is a part of you
Will you scream if Sanity wasn't there?
Will you?
Will you hear Sanity scream
In your head as it is detached from you?
Will you?

What will you do?
What do you think?

Emo and gloominess... ... Heal the world, make it a better place.

2009-03-26T17:39:00.000-07:00

The following is what I wrote on facebook... ...

*Disclaimer*
*This is not another one of those save the earth and campaigns to champion a cause*
*If issues mentioned seems to be relating to you, you must be either thinking too much or you are the guilty party.*

Hey Hey! I say to my conciousness, whose fault is it anyway that the world is so gloomy? Just today, Stef sms-ed me in the morning saying that Sylvia Plath's son passed away. Oh yeah, that family has a history of depression. Do u blame Ted Hughes for having an affair and leaving the kids to the charge of their depressed mum? Or do u blame her genes? Oh u could blame himself for studying too hard and getting a Ph.D, Permanent Head Damage, in our Singaporean lingo. This suddenly reminded me of the 2 incidents at NTU. 'nuff said... ... Freaky man... ... So many things like that happening around the world. God didn't live us our life and freewill so that we can take it lightly and kill otherselves. Period. I wonder if those people know that God loves them.

There are so many deaths out there and there are people out there lying to each other and worst to old people and suing each other over property that should be settled 20 years ago. If there is anything worse, it is to disown blood relations over the temporary physical things of this world and fabricating false conciousness fresh from a over-matured mind out for selfish cause. Being jealous over another person's accomplishments and hankering over it and well as betrayal of trust is another. But such things do draw a fine line, don't they. If Civics and Moral Education was that easy to draw a line and teach, that u wouldn't be getting spoilt brats calling their elders 'stupid' and children for slapping their teacher for not letting it have their way. The world is SOOOOO bleak.

DAMN U SATAN! I will not let u have it ur way! I WILL PRAY FOR THE BETTERMENT OF THE WORLD! And Lord! I pray for that I wouldn't be so judgemental... ... I'm letting my e-learning assignment get to me... ... But oh well, no matter how goth (or puesdo goth) I can be, emo is a bit too much for me, let alone do something stupid like cut themselves. I'm glad my close sisters lighten up and stop doing stupid things to themselves.Let Justice and Praise become my embrace, to love you from the inside out, oh Lord! One thing I have learnt from the cell leader's retreat is that everytime u breath, u are breathing out praise to the Lord! I always knew that life equals breath. But this is so cool! Ok everybody! Let's praise the Lord! BREATH IN! BREATH OUT! The first thing a bady learns when it comes out of the mother's womb is to breath, and it does that by crying. Even cooler revelations, the first thing a bady learns to do the moment it comes into these world is to praise the Lord! So ok Lord, I will continue to breath and live for your glory and praise! With your guidance, I'll teach your people to breath and live for Your Glory. BREATH IN BREATH OUT!

Group project.

2009-03-20T23:48:00.000-07:00

The following is my group project... ... I just thought I'll put it up here, for memory sake or for people to know that trainee teachers ain't slacking... ... Oh and picture is the banner. I think it's sweet... ... I thank Hazel my group mate for it. *peace*

http://shakespearenotes.blogspot.com/

Enjoy!

What I've achieved in December

2008-12-28T07:12:00.000-08:00

I'm like so totally drained! Just came back from AAS Competition, thought I would do my reflections here. Even though I didn't do relatively well vis-a-vis the other competitors cos I'm still novice, my missing the target face dropped from 10 over to 7 on 1st round and 2 on my 2nd round. Most of all, I didn't even miss the target board which I normally do during trainings! And my scores were like 100 over which was rare during training! I totally dragged my friend to one corner to pray before competition. God really pulled me through this. Most of all, I learn the way of the Archery fraternity and gained experienced. Not just me, but my team too! Yosh!

Then going back a few days was Christmas which I spent time with Arumugamuthuparapap after Christmas service! and despite the split, we are still bonded. Awesome stuff. and then Mark when and post the pictures taken on Facebook and Arumugamuthuparapap totally filled my inbox in a record time of 20 msgs/half an hr! haha... ...

The Archery camp before, I met new friends, bonded with the seniors, saw more bishonens than bishojous, actually just 1 bishonen, and many more, the only learning point was rediscovering definition of the the club motto, "Every Shot Counts." and added confidence. I also learnt that I still have not learnt to control myself from gossiping.

And then before, it was the church camp! But due to the fact that I'm feeling a bit sleepy, I shall continue my long church camp story for another day! Besides, this entry is more for commemorating the fact that I achieved my expectations with God's help at AAS! haha... ... Signing off sleepily... ... ... ... ZzZzZzZz... ... ... ...

'Production' then and now

2008-11-16T23:22:00.000-08:00

This was something that I dug out from my diaryland, well, DIARY. I posted in up on diaryland *duh* and I thought I would post it up here now. This poem is the one that I love the most so far. Below is also the description that came with it as I posted it up on my diaryland diary. It will tell u where I'm coming from when I wrote that poem.

I wrote a poem during the principal's rally... ... Haf to admit I wasn't listening much. The bugger is a nice guy, he means well, but he juz talks nonsense sometimes. Anyway, the following will be the poem. Inspired by my geog teacher during a human geog lesson talking about mass production. but the poem didn't formulate in my mind until my lit teacher told my friend and I to try writing a poem keeping closely to the style of Sylvia Plath, the poet whose book of poems 'Ariel' we r doing a close reading on. Be warn, those who r attempting to do her poems, u must know her background to understand how those weird things came out of her. still, she still must be respected and I attempted to delve into her mind and style to write this poem. So this poem is dedicated to my geog and lit teachers and Homage to Sylvia Plath.

Production

This is the factory where
dolls in similiar outfit,
marching in to join in the great
Production.
Now this is exciting!

Everbody has to run in by
half past seven
or else
the masters will get even.
Detention that is would be mention

Sitting in stacks of boxes with two doors
one in front and one at the back
Little dark windows
to let some air in
Lest the dolls get suffocated.

Breathe in Breath out
the dolls melt under the sun
Masters push them
The sun shining it's spiteful rays on them.
Pant, Pant, Pant, Pant.
They long to run out

The noise the noise
hammering down on them.
Words, words, words, words
Squirming through their heads.
Their brains are made bigger.

Then the quality check.
the dolls move throught a torture chamber
compressed by time and space
After that,
the defunct dolls has to go.

Some cry to relieve their pain
of not being able to go thought the next rein.
It's the survival of the fittest.
Only the strong can move on
to the next stage of oblivion

Education

2008-11-15T10:18:00.000-08:00

A long and arduous Journey
Like a Pilgrimage
We all have to go through
As students.

Along the way
We learn Subjects
that are important
At least for exams
To get the grades
for our certification.

Yet we do not use them throughout our lives
Like that funny thing called Adverbial.
Adverbial is inconsequential at times,
Yet without them sometimes
The sentence is incomplete
Or not make any sense. Like this.

Likewise
During examinations
If we omit Subjects
We get Objects
Coming after us
like enjambments, line over line, line after line, and it spills on over and over, running after us, over us, it runs on to the next line and after.
Not so nice

After all
We wonder
what examinations
are for
they have Subjects
and attached to it, Objects.
Definitely not Adverbials
What are they?

The destination?
Examination
Does it equal to
Education?

It’s a wonder
my sanity still reminds
Or is it?
after all that trekking up hill
of the horrible Journey.
This makes no sense to me at all!

I really hope this is a learning journey!

2008-11-14T04:55:00.000-08:00

SERIOUSLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm in the midst of my exams and I dunno why I'm here on my blog! haha... but then again its friday night! I'm de-stressing by blogging it out! It's ironic that I put my blog title as Maia Chryseis's Bildungsroman, when Bildungsroman truly means a story it which the main character grows up in he process. *that's for lit* I first heard that word when my lecturer was introducing or rather RE-introducing Narratives to us. Since we are in uni, everything we learn though same as before, has to be somewhat different in approach. So we got to learn new terms. Bildungsroman... I like the ring of the word... So anyway, Speaking of Narrative module was cool. The headaches and morale crushers are the english papers! GRAMMAR TOTALLY MESSED ME UP! And Linguistics was like regurgitation of what we learnt! and I thought it was about application! okok I did the last years papers. BUT. It didn't occur to me the extend of vomit-on-paper I had to do until I reached end of the paper. *bangs head against the wall* BAH!

Introducion to the Study of Language. Then... Speaking of Narrative. Then... Exploring the Grammar of English. All back to back 3 days straight in the mornings. and I've got sore eyes! haha... Oh my... and I got insomnia *I sleep late but can't help waking up at 5 or so* it's a wonder my sanity is still intact! or is it?... ... Oh well, whatever the matter, there's still 1 more paper. SURVEY OF BRITISH LITERATURE I!!!! All the Middle English and stuff! ~>.<~

OK Mildred! u can do it! Like what the title of the entry suggests... I really do hope I learnt something!

On a lighter note, My cousin-in-laws, one on my mum's side and one on my dad's side, just gave birth recently. 2 lovelys born into this world! Welcome to the stage of fools! Welcome to Insanity! Delirium awaits u! ok, just kidding... ... hehe... ... I love children, that y I wanna be a teacher! *peace* (I must remind myself y the hell I'm in NIE!)

Feeling loved... The Unforgettable Birthday Experience!

2008-11-02T18:47:00.000-08:00

I feel loved! Thank you my friends for giving me such a nice a wonderful b-day experience.

1st was on 23 oct with my NIE lit class. Thank you Piggy(Adeline), Bunny(Melody), Kitty(Bernice), Froggy(Jonathan) and Goaty(Elson) for organising the Fish & Co outing. Thank you Azizah, Charmaine, Izzan and Yin Wei for coming along. :) Nvm the fact they made me stand on the chair during the birthday song, I loved the food! Glutton me! SNAKEY SENDS OUT HER LOVE.(to Sam too for the nice Birthday card!) Happy Halloween cum Birthday, SAM the Halloween gal!

2nd was 24th oct on the day of my b-day itself, Kai Jian coming down to NIE campus to help me celebrate my birthday on the day itself! and the nicest thing was that Huda was the one who coordinated with him! Thanks alot sensei and Huda!!

3rd was with my SRJC friends on 25th oct: Celebrating not just mine but Kai's birthday as well. I dun care what present was given to me, I care most about the company! *GROUP HUG* Steffy, Clare-sama, Fairy Rui Min, Lydia-sama/ Shi Mu(sensei's wife)... Angel. Thank you Kitty Tim and David Denise for organising it! Well done David and Kai! u 2 were sporting! haha! Mind's cafe(does matter which branch it is) is filled up in my mind as THE Hang Out Place for us!

and last but not least... 1 nov... After my dreaded Music theory exam... Outing with MOO AND LIZZAY(BIRD)! My childhood buddies! okok... To make myself look less out here... From a cow, a bird and a human becomes A Cow, A Bird and A Rat(although I would very much like a Snake). Why u maybe wondering a rat? Longstory dating back to the times in Primary school Sunday School... No thanks to Uncle Bernard making fun of our names as forfeit when we couldn't get the number right in the game of 7-up... I kept losing...So I leave it up to the readers' imagination to figure out what became of my name. What does a Cow produce? and wat was the animal mentioned above to refer to me? hehe... sad childhood for me... Anyway, nice jap restaurant and nice desserts(oh mudpie... drools) at NYDC. Though we didn't cam whore too much, cos it was night time, I still had a wonderful time! *hugs* Many bad things might have happened to me over the week (last week of oct), I dare say that it was the thought of enjoying this outing with Bird and Moo that kept me going for the week.

On the side line... Other than me, for the birthdays IN THE MONTH OF OCT, according to chronological order, there's Clive(JC Schoolmate), Hillary(Sec1-2 classmate), my granny, Jeanie(P1-P3 classmate)Izzan, Kai Jian, Wen Xin(Sec1-2 classmate), my second brother and Samantha. Happy Birthday DuDes!

I thank God for such wonderful friends around me! Snakey/ Mil-Chan/ Milk-Rat sends her love to all these people who made her life more enjoyable and fulfilling, & for giving her The Unforgettable Birthday Experience!

Blood and Greed

2008-10-09T17:05:00.000-07:00

Cover up the putrefaction,
And stop the overflowing wounds, from which blood runs over excessively.
Red is the colour of our blood,
Warm as it is supposed to be.
Red is the colour of our blood,
Bonds of love it represents.
Red is the colour of our blood,
Kinship and ties it represents.
Kinship and ties it represents. Kinship and ties it is
Supposed to represent.
Kinship and ties it represents
No more.
Wars. Fights. Hurt. Death. Wounds. Seperation.
And what not.
Red is the colour of our blood.
Red is the colour of our blood.
No more warmth, bonds, kinship, and ties.
The same blood which runs in us
is now the thing that I despise.
My heart. It bleeds from the sorrow
Of the hurt, and agony
Man inflict upon another
Just for the sake of
Property
and
Money
Greed has overtaken them all.
My heart bleeds for the downfall of
Mankind.
The word itself becoming an irony.
Cover up the putrefaction,
And stop the over flowing wounds, from which blood runs over excessively.
Red is the colour of our blood,
Warm as it is supposed to be.
Red is the colour of our blood,
Bonds of love it represents.
Red is the colour of our blood,
Kin
ship and ties it represents.
Kin
ship and
ties it represents. Kin ship and ties it is
Supposed
to represent.
Kin
ship and
ties it represents
No more.

I dunno which is worse, irresponsible people in a project group or greediness over money.

2008-10-08T06:06:00.000-07:00

I think I need a therapy pretty soon... So many things have happened recently and I dunno where to start from... ... Before I start my ranting, I have to count my blessings and thank God for the good things in my life, so that I will remember to thank God amidst the mess in my life.

My uni life is filled with good and bad things, I thank God for the new friends I have made in uni most importantly. Especially with the fact that my friend found NIE Christian Fellowship and now I have friends there that I can hold accountable too I guide me along with my life and for younglings like my roomie and I, being with the elder and more mature people both in mentality and spiritually, I truly thank God for guiding me. Also, in hall, I'm happy to find a few people who are Christians and one of them, Zhong Yi,(I must mention this) Student Union Pageant king, is a very devoted Christian and decided to initiate a night time prayer meeting every Monday night. Though I must say I felt quite weird that he wanted to hold it in my room, as I thought about it, it was better; I can imagine the messiness of a boy's room and most importantly, I would feel even more weird in a boy's room. haha... Then comes CCA, I got into the NTU Archery School Team and just recently, after an interview that I was unsure and not confident of, I got into the main comm. I got wat I wanted, the Publications Officer post. On top of it, I met many friends in archery, more like-minded anime fans! and I found a fellow cosplayer! Plus another wannabe cosplayer! haha... ...

Now to the drama which most are anticipating. I'm super pissed at some people as mentioned about last post. Now compare this to wat I'm about to tell u. My relatives r fighting over property. Now that's some drama that I thought would only exist on the tv drama serial. When I came home from school just now, thinking about how I would survive piano lesson the next day, I got a rude shock from my mum...
she told me that my relatives are fighting with my dad over property. For a moment, I thought I just thought I heard something fresh out of a lousy Channel 8 drama serial. Not that all the drama's on Channel 8 is lousy, but some is really too cliche or just plain lousy. So anyway, i was telling my dad, I have a pair of hands, a pair of legs, I'm in NIE now, and will soon become a teacher and I have my own brains. I dun need that money. In fact, we never needed that money. My dad is capable of us supporting as since we were young anyway. God has always blessed our family in one way or another, and my dad acknowledges that fact. The money is becoming dirty. I dun wanna be associated to such a dirty thing... It makes me sick how people can fight with another family member over money. It's infantile and it makes me nauseous. My siblings talked about it before, we foresaw this scenario and we were praying to God that we would never haf to deal with such a thing. I guess I would rather donate the money to charity. If those relatives really want that money so badly, here take it, it's dirtied by ur hands and deeds already. Take it away from my sight. It disgusts me more than the people who have pissed me over the past 18 and come 24th October, 19 years of my insignificant life. I pray that I would forgive my relatives for being as such. I am peeved most at the fact that I was close to them when i was younger. Wat happened then? Was it all an act? Wat in the world or beyond could cos them to turn so ugly in the face of money? Why have all the aunties and uncle that I respected since young turn to become someone whose actions now disgusts me? God please help them find peace in their hearts. They need it more than me... I guess. I pray that all will find the peace in God.

My hair is lessening... ...

2008-10-03T10:42:00.001-07:00

Just a few moments ago, my dad asked me wat I was doing. I told him I'm trying to rush up my assignment and stay wake at the same time.He replied that I should tie my hair up to the ceiling. I was like no thanks dad my hair is already falling off from all the stress I'm accumulating. *I'll leave it to ur imagination if it was me pulling my hair due to stress or if it was because my hair is really dropping due to the stress*

I WANNA COMPLAIN!
Some people are just tooooo much! I mean it's like dude! u r part of the project aren't u, if u had something to say previously please say it before it is finalise. That's 1. 2, dude, You r not even bothering to expand or improvise on the part YOU are presenting! 3, comon dude, u meant to say to didn't really collect info and data right, that's y u can't come up with the referencing and bibliography for me to put up on slides. 4, Oh perrleese sweetie! Da world dun revolve around u n ur whims. I stayed up all the way to 4 to do the presentation slides for my other group despite my gastric, bad cough and drowsiness from medicine. I got complain, but did I inconvenience anybody? Did I contribute? 5, Oh DUDE! U have done it this time! Nice one! U didn't turn up for meetings and u didn't even tell us! and u insisted that u wanted that timing! That was really a nice one... Somebody was waiting for u for 2 hrs, called u and smsed u. But u didn't reply sms, call back or contact any of us. U would also last min say that u r not free to come for meetings! Nice one!

1, 2, 3, 4, 5... etc... If I continue, I could go now forever, but I decided to not be a lil' B**** and just stop there. Disclaimer here, the 'YOU' in here is not just 1 person, it is a compilation of irresponsible people that I know into one character for purposes that will ensure that people dun try to go find out who the person(s) are unless the characteristic is really prominent. *or maybe it's for my own literary purposes...* Oh well, I dun understand how people can dun care about their project work at all. I mean it's like that topic is urs, ur parts it's ur slide, ur marks... but u r not only not bothering, u r dragging all of our marks down with u cos u didn't give ur own input and that makes the presentation looks horrible. okok... I shouldn't be too judgemental, I admit that I was such an a** to make such a big deal out of the fact that u look like u got nothing to do or did nothing and I'm doing all the slides/report. If I'm such as ass, trying to do so much things, hands up anyone who would like to share my burden or even better swap places with me.

I must acknowledge the effort of a few people here. *can't say names either for fear of connection. SORRY!* Thanks for being responsible and trying to care for not just ur own marks but my health. u have my sincere gratitude. Without u people, I would have already fainted.I really mean it, I nearly fainted today. Back to back, oh no wait, overlapping timeslots, no wait, similiar timeslots for 2 project-based modules. I nearly fainted from hunger and stress... i really could think during the meetings, especially the 2 meeting. My 3rd meeting didn't materialise. So my 4th meeting considered as my 3rd meeting. I would also like the thank those people who have been listening to my rants. THANKS FOR UR KINDNESS AND UNDERSTANDING!

I would like to end of with morals of the story:
- I SHOULD HAVE JUST GONE WITH MY FRIEND AND ARCHERY SENIOR TO THE GYM.
- At the very least, I know I have done my best, so if there's anything wrong, I know it isn't my fault.
- I must always thank the people who have been there for me.*listening to my rants*
- I know that at the end of all this, I'm a stronger person.

My roomie has a line of lyrics as her messenger personnel message. It's the song 'Stronger' by Kenya West. "That that that don't kill me, can only make me stronger."
I was thinking of that Britney Spears song 'Stronger' and Christina's 'Fighter' also.

B**** Time is now over.

A spoonful of Sugar makes the Medicine go down!

2008-09-23T08:34:00.001-07:00

Personally, I feel that there is a time to play and there is a time to work but I would not always be motivated to work when I’m down. Students do know how to study by themselves, however, they most need to get motivated and get into the mood. I’m guilty of such a mentality myself before. It wasn’t until I rediscover my childhood by watching ‘Mary Poppins’ that I remember to put the ‘play and fun in the work’ (a spoonful of sugar makes the medicine goes down). I find this the best analogy because studying is like medicine, it tastes awful but it makes you better; studying is tedious at first but u will be cured of ignorance and you will feel very satisfied after you have completed it. Studying is always seen as a serious task, hence, to the younger students (this I include secondary students), gets turned off when they hear the word ‘studying’. The worst case scenario would be forcing the students to go for constant remedial lessons when they are already tired and the remedial lessons are just the same as normal class lessons. Instead getting the results from them, we will end up getting poorer results from them as they have lost their motivation to study. Hence we must put the fun into studying if not the students will lose interest in learning altogether.

In my opinion, making the students sing nursery rhymes in class is part of fun. I loved it as a child, so do my friends. In Secondary school or even in Junior College, I was lucky to have some teachers who would try to make lessons fun and they would be my inspiration for this discussion. During geography, occasionally my teachers would show us breath-taking documentary films. My classmates and I have agreed that we tend to remember what is said in the documentary, even if we watched it once. During literature, my teachers would instead a bit of interesting facts here and there. My lit teachers in JC often make us act out the drama text in modern local context to help us get a better picture of the situation in the text. Also, allowing the students to joke around a bit in class would keep the students interested and awake! My math teacher in sec 2 knows how we hate math and so she will come up with jokes related to math or the likes to liven p the atmosphere and keep us awake in class. Though I must admit that some jokes would be a bit lewd, if it is related to the subject in question, why not? Even if the jokes gets out of hand, that’s when the teacher comes in to guide the situation back on track or even advise them on the consequences of say such out-of-hand jokes; after all mistakes must be made for the lesson to be learnt. So after all this real-life examples, who say we can’t put the fun in learning. After all, the directors of Mary Poppins would not be singing that song if it wasn’t true.

I guess thought I would post my Educational Psychology e-learning essay up here to let my friends know what I wrote. So that they understand what I am talking about in future. I truly mean what I say here by the way... Forgive me for any grammatical mistakes. Just to let you know. It's COPYRIGHT! No plagiarism please. Credits go to Miss Mildred Chew from National Institute of Education 2008. I mean it.

Finally

2008-09-15T11:00:00.000-07:00

Finally,
the fair Maiden declares to the West Wind
that she is ready to start afresh.
The only thing she needs from her past are
her friends, and her God.
Her God is her best friend,
her friends were sent by God.
She no longer needs the West Wind,
There wasn't a need for
the Winds in the past,
neither will she need it again.
She has God to lay the path for her,
this path she will walk on.
She is down to earth.
But her heart and soul is in Heaven with God.
She no longer needs the Wanderer
who weaved in and out of her heart.
She is able to walk now,
she doesn't need the Winds.
This is
A Time to Remember.
A Time to Forget.

I know this poem maybe cheesy, but oh well, this is the encapsulation of my thoughts for the moment. I hope I do better next time... ... hehe... ...

No More PONDING?

2008-09-13T03:07:00.000-07:00

A e-mail from the hall office came in... ... The following is the contents of the e-mail addressing the issue of ponding that I mentioned in my previous post.

1. It is reported that quite a number of students are having fun dunking their friends into the pond at Hall 6 at midnight to celebrate birthdays (birthday song is sung as they swing the birthday boy/girl into the pond). Please note that this is a very dangerous act. A lot of debris such as broken bottles, pebbles, soil and sand are being washed down from higher grounds to the pond. The student who is being dunked may be injured or worse, sustain spinal injury since the pond is shallow and has a concrete base. The senseless act of dunking and throwing friends into the pond must stop to prevent any accident from happening. Student Affairs Office takes a serious view of the matter and will not hesitate to take actions against those who do not heed this warning.

Whao... I wonder who complained... ... haha... whatever the case is, I'm kinda glad that they address the issue, cos it would have been me that they ponded, and I know it's no joke remembering how my dad's friend was so distraught when his youngest son broke his spine while being pushed into the shallow part of the pool by his friends in the name of fun. That poor fella was never right again, I remember seeing him in the wheelchair trying to shake hands with the guests during Chinese New Year. What a sad sight. He just can't control his movements, let alone his hands. When he ate, he couldn't shallow his food properly, he was dribbling and drooling all over the place . Luckily or not, he didn't break the spinal cord; if he did, snap, his dad who is a big shot would sue those kids one by one.*sorry for the bad pun* Anyway, if my memory serves me right, that uncle did sue his son's friends, the only difference would be the degree of compensation I guess.

Well, I'm not saying that it is not fun to be the onlooker... hehe... Sometimes, it's all in the name of fun, but ya'know, life is unpredictable; u will never know when the fun will turn nasty. My dad had to keep reminding me that I broke my arm once, so I have to stay out of such things. He also keeps reminding me of the plight of his friend's son, and well I would feel bad for the people who got ponded. I'm just reasoning it out inside me... Forgive me if I am abit incoherent on this matter.

Blah Bleh Blah Bleh... ... Randomness... ...

2008-09-10T07:13:00.000-07:00

I dunno what to name this post so I guess I would just leave it as that... ... Life is the same as usual... HWHWHWHWHWHWHWHW... ... The diff about hw in uni is that not only the work becomes suddenly more difficult and leaves u feeling mushy in the brains, the workload is phenomenal. Ok... Why m I even wasting time posting what I feel on the blog I do not know... Seriously, I've been sleeping during english lectures; no thanks to the droning voice of the lecturer. Despite the avalanche of booksand hw, *drowns*, I still found time to actually join my hall people in some fella's b-day and even watch him and other people get dunked in the pond... Let me just mention something, the extend and frequency of dunking people in the pond is so great that the word 'pond' turns from noun to verb... So just imagine a mob of nearly drunk-by-going-high-on-laughter-and-endorphins screaming as they carry the victim to the pond, 'POND POND POND POND PONDING PONDING PONDING PONDING *splash*PONDED!' haha... ... What a mayhem! GeeZ... ... Sometimes, things like that attract me, I love getting into the action of the overlooking crowd it's fun seeing people get into this kinda awkward acts. But I dun like to be a good sport and get myself into the mayhem.
Oh... and I must mention, my lit lecturer was pissed on Monday and when we were abit too noisy during lesson, he told the class to shut the f*** up. NaStY!! He must haf been ReAllY pissed at certain higher ups... ... but then he is going to leave after this sem, so I think he really doesn't care, in fact I think he is just staying until the end even though he has one more month of contract cos he is really fufilling his responsiblity. Well, I dunno, I could be wrong. 1 thing for sure, he sure woke the class up afer that... HAHAHAHA! LOL!
ok... I better go do my hw now!

New Blog and new to the blogging arena

2008-09-07T07:30:00.000-07:00

I have another online diary.... At diaryland.com, but I dun always go there... I'm new to the blogging arena... ... and the most interesting thing I can think of is that as I'm typing this, I am in hall now... ... I'm in NTU hall 1 by the way, my course is NIE... yup... see my profile... student teacher... but hall life is fun! Just yesterday, I went for hall ball. FUN! Photos on facebook... I get to interact with people from this kinda events and I think it's fun meeting new people, though yesterday I only meet one new person-in-my-life. Feel free to go to my facebook to see my photos. The reason for me setting up this log is that I just wanna randomly see what blogging is like. and the reason why I 1st signed up for a blogging account was because of NIE's E-learning week... oh that's just great... I can't say what I want cos I'm a student teacher... As a student teacher, I see the perspectives of both teacher and student, and I'm lucky that I wasn't a delinquent last time. I'm good girl. Seriously. I think I have one of the cleanest records. Not cos I'm the goody goody sort, but becuase I really dun see the need for breaking of school rules, though I must admit to being caught for snacking and talking in class... Cheating in ting xie maybe? *sheepish grins* comon' who is not guilty of it! But I never got caught for anything more serious than that... I learn to keep my nose clean. I mean it metaphorically... lol... Ok... I got nothing to say already... Signing off!