An Interview with an Undertaker: Distortion of Life from Death

Before I go on, I would like to thank the people who have been reading this post and asking me questions. I really appreciate the feedback and discussion. I look forward to seeing you on my blog more often and discuss issues with me as I continue to post. I would also like to thank the undertaker for allowing me this interview and lastly, thank God for this to even happen. :)

From previous interviews, it is shared that we can find out from the Bible that death is certainly not a desirable outcome. It is a punishment from God due to man's evil doing. Having said that, the idea of heaven and hell is real and there is an afterlife whether we like it or not. In this final installment of the 4 part mini-series, it is explained that Death is certainly not supposed to be a natural process, contrary to what most people believe. In the end, we are presented with 2 choices through the interview of the undertaker at the end: To live or not to live. Everything I say from here on will be superfluous, so I will just leave it to the undertaker to do the talking. 

Distortion of Life from Death

Do you think Death is a natural process? Why?

Death is not a natural process but a consequence of an ungodly choice by man. God has given a stern warning, “But of the tree of of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die”. Genesis 2:17. Sin is disobedience to Him. When Adam disobeyed God and took the fruit of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, which God commanded not to, he sinned against God and as a consequence death resulted. The wages of sin is death. Rpmans 6:23.     

I can immediately see 3 things that Sin makes us do.

1.      Sin will cost us more than we want to pay. Taking the example of the Israelites after the Battle of Jericho. One amongst them named Achan, in disobedience took and hid some silver and gold under his tent. The silver and gold was supposed to have gone to God’s treasury and the rest of the spoils in Jericho was to be destroyed.  But Achan took  and kept for himself. The consequence of his sin was that his sons and daughters, his belongings including his animals were stoned and burnt. It was certainly more than he wanted to pay for his sins. A criminal may be sentenced to a long imprisonment or even be put to death for his sins. When he committed the crime surely he did not expect to be caught and be made to pay for his crime, a price that he would not be willing to pay.

2.      Sin will make you stay longer than you want to stay. The Israelites stayed forty more years going around in the wilderness because of their sins of not trusting God to lead them into the Promised Land. A drug addict gets stuck on his habit that he becomes enslaved to for many years and for many their lifetime; or an adulterer who thought that it was just going to be a one night stand developed a long term affair that destroys his entire family and trust of his loved ones. I have a friend who started flirting with a woman and then they started to have an affair and he lived more than twenty years in this sinful relationship and all these years of lying to his wife and family.

3.      Sin makes you go further than you want to go. For example, in the Bible we read that King David saw Bathsheba bathing and he lusted over her and took her to bed. Then when she became pregnant, he started to devise her husband’s death. Sex leads to murder and later we also read that there was chaos in his palace and household. I think we will be familiar with telling a lie, then cover it with more and more lies. This is what it means when I say sin makes us go further than we want to go.

And sin leads to death. So death is a fruit of our sins and was never intended to be natural. It only came upon mankind when sin came into the picture. But if we view death from the already fallen nature of man, then death does seem to be a natural conclusion to life.    

If you permit me, I would like to share some thoughts about how to avoid situations that might make us fall into sin. Let us visit the Garden of Eden.

In the Garden of Eden, God permits man to eat of any fruit except the fruit from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. His warning was that the day he eats of that forbidden fruit he shall surely die. But we noted that Adam and Eve were in the vicinity of that forbidden tree. In other words they were where they should not have been. Then we also noticed that there was Satan in the form of the serpent with them. They were in the wrong company. Then Satan started to talk with them. They were engaged in wrong talks with the wrong company. What happened?

Satan started to get their attention away from the great liberty and free life that God had lavished on them. He then focused on the one and only restriction and started to make them feel that God has shortchanged them. Satan lied to make them blind to God’s goodness and made them feel that God’s intentions for them were not good, that He did not want them to be like Him. To summarise, Satan blinded Man to God’s good will, then he planted the seeds of doubt that made them challenge God’s authority, and he robbed Man of life because he knew the penalty of breaking God’s law is Death.

No, Death was never meant to be a natural event in life. Unfortunately, Man chose death when he chose not to believe God. But we thank God that He did not just leave Man to die and be separated from Him forever. God sent His son Jesus to bear the death penalty on our behalf. As we have it now, our physical body will die, but we have eternal spiritual life with God when we believe and receive Jesus in our hearts.

“For God so loved the World that He gave His only Son that whosoever (you and me) believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life” John 3:16

Choose Life.

An Interview with an Undertaker: Destination after Death

Last week, I shared about life and death, and whether it is a tabooed topic too unsavory for the dinner table. After much thought, I realised that not many people talk the idea of Death to begin with and so explains the popularity of these articles as I post them up on fb. Besides, it is about Christianity.

I will make no apologies to explicitly include my religion, because afterall, I'm not here to gloss over things and make the topic look pretty. While other preachers choose to tell believers that when they believe in Jesus they go to Heaven(and most of the time people take Jesus for a mere pass to Heaven and the Spirit an emotional high); I choose to tell them about death and it being a consequence of man's rebellion against the Lord and precisely why they should not consider between heaven or hell in the first place, but rather God or self/death. For I need no eloquent wisdom nor the wisdom of the world to spread the Word of God. It's believe in the death of Jesus as your way to salvation or Death. As simple as that.

Without further ado, let me share what the undertaker has to say about what the afterlife really holds for us according to the Bible.

Destination after Death?

Is Death the end of all things? Is there an afterlife?

I guess to most people Death would be the end of all things, although I should say that all things don’t end except the one who dies. So maybe the spirit of the question is “does he die to all things?” In the physical aspect, I would believe so. But in the spiritual aspect, I personally do not know except what I am told in the Bible. And that physical death closes a chapter in this physical world while it opens a new one in the spiritual world. What might this spiritual realm be? The Bible tells us there is Heaven and Hell. So who goes where? The Bible again tells us that in God’s hands there is a Book of Life. Anyone whose name is not registered there will be sent to Hell and those whose names are written in it will go to Heaven. Does this sound cruel what God is doing? Actually not, man is given a free will to choose. By not choosing life he has chosen to remain in death. John 3: 18 and 19 tells us that those who believe Jesus is not condemned but those who do not believe are condemned already. The condemnation is that we reject the Light and choose to remain in darkness (sin). How do we choose life so that our names will be written in the Book of Life? John 3: 16 of the Bible tells us, “For God so loved the world He gave His only Son, that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life” and in John 14:6 Jesus says,” I am the Way, the Truth and the Life; No man goes to the Father (God) but by me”. Is there an afterlife? Very much so, except that this afterlife can be an eternity of peace and joy in God’s presence or an eternity in Hell’s fire and suffering without God’s presence and in eternal separation from God.

During this very short lifespan on Earth, we have to make that important decision that will have an eternal consequence. I seriously urge everyone to seriously consider this carefully. Choose the only Way, the Truth and the Life, whom Jesus said He is.



Should Death be a mourning or celebration?

As I mentioned earlier, I believe all Death bring about a separation except the one death, that of Jesus that brings reconciliation. Death takes us away from our loved ones, or our loved ones from us and that makes us sad and gives us reason to grieve and mourn over our loss. It is very human to grieve and mourn over our loss of a loved one. I have seen some who actually throw such a huge celebration when their relative died because they inherit a huge estate and wealth. On the other hand I have also heard curses being hurled at the deceased because the only inheritance left to them is a huge debt. Whether to mourn or celebrate depends very much on several factors, like the ones just mentioned with regards to inheritance; or with regards to how close the deceased was with the surviving relatives. If their relationship had been good, they grieved the more and if not, lesser.


However, for those who have some religious bias or beliefs their reactions to death may differ. If they believe that their loved one who departed has gone to Heaven, there is much rejoicing and if not then there is apprehension, guilt and doubt.


I personally have grieved over the loss of my parents who were very dear to me, but I did not grieve hopelessly. I believe as Christians they have gone to be with a loving God. So while I was sad to have lost them I was actually glad they are now in a better place with Christ. To that, I celebrate.



Join me next week as I talk about the Distortion of Life from Death  and the Death that our sins have created.

An Interview with an Undertaker: Definition of Death

Last week, I introduced the background for my personal quest in this mini-series and introduced a christian undertaker and his Dealings with Death. Tonight I will be sharing about life and death, and whether it is a tabooed topic too unsavory for the dinner table.

Without further ado, here are the answers

Definition of Death

What are your personal views on life and death and its meaning?

There are 3 aspects of life that I would like to share about.

1)      Life is a trust. I believe that the life we have and all the things we have are entrusted to us by God. Our life is God’s gift to us. God trusts us with this life. What we do and how we live this life is our gift back to God. The question I ask myself often is will God be satisfied with His investment in me.

2)      Life is full of trials. I believe that God allow trials in our life to build our character and to refine us. An apt illustration will be that of the Silversmith. How does the silversmith know if the silver has been refined and pure? When he puts the ore to the fire, the dross and the impurities are burnt out and the silver will melt into a very shiny mass. When the silversmith looks at the silver, he can see his own image in it. Then he knows the silver is ready. When God is through with us by the trials He presents us, He will see His own image in us. That’s what it means when the Bible says we shall be like Him.

3)      Life is temporary. As you know I am in the funeral service. You often see tombstones with markings like “Freddie Choo, Born 1954-Died 2012”. Here, life is marked as “-“between the dates for birth and death. It’s just a short dash, and that’s how temporary life is here on Earth. We were born without anything and we will die without anything. It is so sad to see people amassing great wealth and trying to build great empires as if they are going to be here forever. Then when they are about 70 years or maybe 80 years old, they die, bringing with them nothing. All their labor has come to nothing, a striving for the wind. The terrifying thing that comes next is that he will have to face God to be judged. This brings me to the next part of the question, what my personal views of death and its meaning are.

To me Death is a separation. I feel that to better illustrate what I mean, I should try to explain of my belief what being human is.

What is Man? The common answer we often hear is that Man is made up of Body, Soul and Spirit. What really does this mean?

1)      Body – The human body has senses like sense of smell, taste, touch, hearing and sight. By these senses we get to know the world we are in.

2)      The Soul- The soul has faculties like emotions and the soul allow us to know who we are.

3)      The spirit- The spirit has a conscience that allows us to know who God is. In a certain sense, the spirit is like the heart of the soul, the part that connects us to God. Without the spirit we cannot connect with Him. It is this spirit that makes man searching for God, but unfortunately many went a looking at wrong places and turning to idols.

When physical death occurs, the soul (who we are) gets separated from the body. When spiritual death occurs the soul gets separated from God. That sounds so fatal does it not? Fortunately, there is such a thing as spiritual life, an eternal life. Scripture tells us that God who loved us so much gave His only Son, Jesus, who died for our sins and those who believe in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life. Wow! While all of us know death to separate people from their loved ones and their God, there is one death that actually reconciles us to our God and our loved ones. And that was the death of Jesus on the cross. He rose again to conquer death and to break the power of sin.  Therefore, for those who trust God and accept His Son, when physical death occurs, their souls return to God to live this new spiritual triumphant eternal life.

Should Death be avoided and the topic of death be treated as a taboo?

No one can avoid death. Most, if not all people fear death but none can avoid it. There was a famous Hollywood actor and movie director who said, “I don’t fear death, I just don’t want to be there when it happens”. Death is not a probability but a certainty. “It is appointed unto Man once to die and then the judgment” Hebrews 9:27.  Because of our fear Death becomes a taboo, and so we do not want to talk about it. Not talking about it does not mean it will not come. It will come for sure. When? We do not know but we know it will indeed come knocking at the door; earlier for some and for others later. 

The sooner we acknowledge that death is real and death is certain, then we will learn to live our lives more meaningfully. I have heard it being suggested and I believe in it, that we should live our life as if this is our last day. Then we will truly want to do things that count, things that are meaningful. We would want to mend broken relationships and make things right. We want to smell the roses while they still bloom and say lovely words to our loved ones while we still may do so and while they may still hear us.

To live as if death will not come to us is to live in denial of the truth. When it does come, it will be such a shocking awakening.


Join me next week as I talk about the Destination of Death and what the afterlife really holds for us according to the Bible.

Self Versus God: Are our hearts really on God?

I just had a revelation, if not, reminder in a form of a big sized reasoning that I cannot ignore.

A commonly asked question is "Prove to me that God exist". My question to them is "You sure u wanna listen to my explanation? It's not going to be short like a snap nor is it going to be pleasing to ur ears." Humans have a finite form and therefore have finite mind and heart. How can we squeeze a infinite God that lived before time, and created time within time and our finite minds that is smaller than time? God does not need to prove his existence to us if we refuse to accept that he is bigger than us.

And to ask God to show his miracles like healing and uncommon signs to prove his glory and power or even satisfy our desire to be reaffirmed that he is real or just for the feel high is like asking a trained poodle to do stunts. God is no trained poodle, he will do miracles and heal as he pleases to and he will show his glory and power in his way and we must acknowledge it. In fact he has already shown his glory and power to us, in our being itself and in his son Jesus, the most innocent man who died the most horrifically humiliating and painful death for the sake of God's will which is to provide a way for our salvation through Jesus' death and resurrection.

This will indeed be mind boogling to people who have choosen from the start to ask for prove just for the sake of an intellectual debate and self-gratification that God doesn't exist. If we have our hearts full of ourselves, how can we have the space to let God in, let alone the people around us?

When we ask for his glory to be shown on earth? Is it for prove to the world that God is almighty or is it to prove to people that we are believing in the right thing and be proud(or even boostful about it)? When we ask for healing of people in general, is it for ourselves to get better or is it a cheap way to show people what God can do so that they can choose God?

Are our hearts really on God?

Respect and honour authority as well as those who serve you.

It's sad how stuck up and demanding this nation as become.

Recently, as I was tweeting around, I saw that someone commented on how Dr Ng Eng Hen got jeered up for coming to the air-show late. & the person was LOL-ing about it. Hmm... ... He is the Guest-Of-Honour right? But no applause? There was a link tagged to the tweet that directed me to another website, a forum and I read on about it. It seems that it was another person talking about the air show and how the audience barged their way in before the arriving of the Guest-Of-Honour. Smells like unreasonable Singaporean behaviour to me. The person later on added that it is seems that Singaporeans to not respect their ministers like they use to especially after GE2011.

This is not the first and only of it's kind. Almost in a rampage, the Singaporeans are demanding more and respecting less. More low cost housing, more higher paying jobs, more explanations to policies (reasonable enough, but not reasonable when you keep asking for it though it has already been explained countless times), more housing upgrading, more this more that... ... Hey, I'm not happy too that my salary is being deducted into CPF where the money goes to God knows where, but at least I try to respect those who are working hard to keeps things going in the nation and leading this bunch of demanding people. & I do not deny that I can be quite a demanding brat myself.

Whatever it is, it's clear that Singaporeans lack respect of any sort, especially now after GE2011, it seems like they are taking ministers for granted. & that's very worrying for ourselves and for our future generations. The Bible did tell us to honour those around us and honour our authority figures.

"... render to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s, and to God the things that are God’s.” ~Luke 20:25~
Though,this was said in respect to paying taxes, I believe that includes respect and honouring those who are in charge and not short changing them of what they deserve. I heard of the jest that out ministers of becoming corrupt and they do not deserve our respect. Ok... ... Fair enough... ... But did you think our level of corruption can much the corruption of the Roman Empire? If there is corruption, do you think you still can tweet about what just happened? Or even be keyboard warriors, complaining about policy over policy on your blogs, tweets, fb and what not. Most importantly, how do you expect your children to respect you if you do not respect others?

As said in my other blog post, it's pointless complaining about the government and doing nothing about the people and situation around you yourselves. & talking about complaining, stop complaining about maid's wages going higher. They do all the jobs you do not want to do and some of you even mistreat them and verbal abuse them. Hands up, how many of you with maids have complained before that your maid has not done a good job in something? I'm guilty once or twice and I'm still trying my best to gave her credit when due and thank her for her hard work or for small favours for me like sewing my torn sleeve or alter my jeans. Enough said, thank your domestic helpers and dun abuse them.

Oh and I must not forget this. Recently, there was a murder case of a maid in Woodlands and her body was found in the water tank at the top of the HDB. People are complaining to the Town Council and demanded an explanation from them at first. Then, they demand compensation. Ok you think it's all, after they found the murderer, instead of blaming the murderer, they want Town Council to take the blame and the word is, sack everyone in the office. Pardon me? Did I hear correctly? I dun see how the Town Council should be overturned because of this. True it's their fault for not checking daily, but checking water tanks daily is ridiculous and needs manpower. True it's their fault for hiring that Indian worker who murdered the maid, but then if all that's so, then how about we screen every single Indian worker and rule out the possibility of them commiting a crime, only to find out that all of them are potential murderers and dun hire Indian workers anymore shall we and start doing manual chores and labour yourselves. Singaporeans, dun be ridiculously unreasonable. The town council have tried their best to do their job over the years and just cause of this, you demand the office to be overturned? Just cause you are more aware of your rights after the GE2011 and you have more power in your voice does not mean you can abuse it. It then makes you no better than the people whom you are complaining about (the government). On a side note, I do empathise with the people of that block in Woodlands having to go through such trauma and my deep condolences to that poor maid. You are in my prayers.

By the way, all of us are potential murderers because our hearts are filled with evil, concordantly, all of us have the potential to be corrupt when even great power and responsibility. So don't complaint. Respect people and give credit when due and honour your authority figures(that includes appreciating what they have done for us) and you will find that life is a whole lot simpler. & of course be a good role model for the future of Singapore.

I do not deny that if everyone in Singapore were to be good role models and the kids acquire good behaviour, it will make my life as a teacher better. But of course, I too must do what I preach and be a good role model to the young lives around me.

How can this feel this wrong?

How can anyone be touched by the Spirit without the Word of God? Isn't the Spirit the Word of God and the Word of God the Spirit?

It looks like there isn't a need for sermons anymore. Corporate mass worship with altar calls and a whole day of praying but no sermons. Most of all, those that crave to hear more of the Word are labelled or scorned as "thinkers" and not "worshipers".
From legalistic rules to following every single step in the Word without understanding to throwing away the need for the word of God in sermons. Sad. How did the pendulum swing this hard? I'm too tired mentally and physically to even bother about it anymore.

Lord give me the strength to immerse in your word and your true spirit and help me be more sensitive to what is truly right. Most of all show me what is really means to worship you...

Seriously, how can this feel this wrong, so wrong? Am I a heretic in my community? Or am I too much of a thinker that it "stifles" my journey with God? Is it wrong to even want to read the Bible and pray that he will reveal his will to me but not necessarily expecting him to make me feel any sort of physical signs? Am I being a Pharisee when I want to worship him with my heart and not with tongues?

I just want to worship the Lord in Spirit and in Truth. Not necessarily with emotions and amidst physical signs, unless God really calls for it.

& no, I don't go for fancy sermons. I go for the real word of God.

University names can make us go NUTS.

Last night while I was brushing my teeth, I ROFL-ed so hard I nearly swallowed the toothpaste foam. I heard on Parliament Tonight that the new university will be called Singapore University of Technology and Design (SUTD). Pronounce SUTD & you will laugh along too.

While my dad & I were laughing together, he reminded me of the older name of NTU. He said Nanyang Technological University(NTU) used to be Nanyang University of Technology of Singapore(NUTS). We ROFL-ed even more. As if NUT was not enough, the adding of Singapore behind the name made it NUTS. My mum overheard us and added thereafter saying that SUTD sounds like STD when said wrongly or fast enough. My friend noted it too when I twitted it. My parents and I had ball (pun intended or not, up to u) of a time laughing at the university names.

Come to think of it, only NUS has a more appropriate name change, Malaya(n)? University, MU became NUS. I heard Singapore Management University, SMU nearly became SUM(which says a lot about the university specialising in business).

Honestly, I would rather NTU be called Nan Da if this was the case. I would rather sound cheena than crazy.

Education Against Trolls

Yes I plan to do that... Recent events have led me to do something I consider by my own standards, drastic: a public blogging article and if I have time on my hands, a video of Education Against Trolls (EAT). I have came to realised that I have been feeding a troll on my fb... Yes my dear friends who know me well enough, you know who is it. I wonder if he knows that he is trolling. So yes, I'm gonna do my research and article now.

Coming Soon... ...

AKAN DATANG

Happy Lunar New Year! But... ... Do I need to worry about the pagan practices?

It's the year of the Metal Rabbit! Happy Lunar New Year everyone! To everyone in the world be it Chinese, Malays, Koreans, Japs, Indians, Viets, Indons, English, French, etc...!*PEACE*

So here I am on the computer during Lunar New Year(or Chinese New Year or CNY in short in Singapore, the land of abbreviations) and I feel like a complete loser because I'm on the COMPUTER at HOME on CNY HOLIDAY! But still, I did have a quality conversation with my mum about the Bible and find out a few things about my own family.

1st: MY BROTHER ACTUALLY BELIEVES THAT LILITH IS REAL! WHAT HAPPENED TO THE CHRISTIAN UPBRINGING?! And to think he is a literature student. He cannot identify that Genesis is not really in chronological order and he converted to another religion. *pause here* What religion is it? Catholicism. BUT I THOUGHT IT'S THE SAME?! No it's not. While Catholics believe that apart from Jesus, there is other ways to talk to God, such as Mary and the Pope. How do I know it's wrong? Jesus said "I am the Way, the Truth and the Life; no one comes to the father except through me"(John 14:6) and fundamentally, Christians believe that. NOW THAT IS THE DIFFERENCE! For my brother to overlook this truth and believe in everything and doubting the Bible, his corruption is more serious than I though. I must seriously pray for him, this debate can go on and on but if I continue, the point will be lost.

*Note: The book of Genesis was written by Moses, inspired or some say dictated by God to crash the other creation myths circulating amongst the Jews that undermined the sovereignty of God.*

2nd: My mom was pre-occupied with the fact that she ate food offered to pagan gods during the time my grandma was alive; though she says that she is not bothered, I can sense the need to validate herself and the worry in the undertones of her words. To clear things up, I told her that what happens is the heart and the spirit of wanting to please God, furthermore, she really did wanted to show the graciousness of God through her living of her life in the past before she got jaded with/by my relatives. I remember my youth director telling me that it is fine to go through the Buddhist rituals because I am respecting my grandma and her last wish which is what the Lord our God wants us to do: Honour our parents(or grandparents for that matter). As long as we do not believe that the rituals or the breaking of it will have any effect on us and that God is still the Lord with Jesus as the only Saviour/way to God, I'm still a Child of God. But of course if you do not do go through the pagan practices, it's even better, devoted your time and mind to the Lord through other ways.

So that's about it, I only believe in the aspect of Feng Shui being a good practical way to optimise the space in the room will keeping it save and wholly practical in functionally of arrangements and economical.

Without further ado, Adieu! Shalom, may the peace and blessings of the Lord be with you.

Christmas isn't Christmas till you happen to know who died to open a pathway to heaven.

Caroling and stuff don't make any sense to me nowadays. People have seemed to have forgotten the true spirit of Christmas. It's not about giving and sharing. It's about Jesus.

Devil, admit it. You have lost the war. Now stop acting like a sore loser. It's Jesus' party. Please don't ruin others party.

The true meaning for Christmas is Jesus.

"For to us a child is born, to us a son is given; and the government shall be upon his shoulder, and his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace." ~Isaiah 9:6 ~

Someone said this: He died so that you may live (again). *can't remember who said that*

Anyway, Blessed Christmas to one and all. Take care and God Bless you.

This song is dedicated to everyone on earth and to Jesus and God and the Holy Spirit.

Playing around with some of the template stuff, changing my outlook

As the title suggests... ... As those who like to regularly stalk my fb, hence my blog as well will know that I added a few interesting things on my blog, such as the share buttons and the rate buttons. Don't get me wrong, it ain't for a ego boost, it's more for playing around, I'll take it down after a while if I see that it cramps my style.

And the changing outlook bit... ... and policies too.

I'm official announcing that I allow certain things that people would not do out here so that u know my stand.

As some would know, I'm a trainee teacher, and students are desperately trying to get my fb and check out what nonsense I can be up to. I'm allowing my students to check out my nonsensical trash talk on fb. Now that I'm not on practicum and will not be teaching that school anymore, I feel that this is the only way I can be contacted personally without being spammed on my hp.

And as for adding strangers, I'll allow strangers to add me. Unless they seem fantasically dubious, I'll add strangers and if they approach me on the fb chat, I'll reply; unless I'm uber busy that is. The reason will be almost the same reason(the real one) as to why I would allow my students to add me. But I will not make it clear here for the fact that I'm a teacher, I will have to be impartial about religion. (Obvious enough?)

In any case, I hope that it will not offend anyone in the process. If there's anyone who will feel offended, please do speak up and I'll try to be more tactful.


And one more thing, I can't believe I'm actually saying this. I can't wait for school to start. I actually miss being a student. :s

Worthnoless

NO! I dun ever wanna fall into darkness.
My hands wanna do some destructive work,
I wanna struggle some irresponsible teachers,
some annoying students,
and the whole damn school's facilities
except for the aircon in the classroom.
And I think of myself in a certain derogatory way,
and feel that I'll never be good enough to
excel in anything I do,
get attached and marry a good guy,
to be an awesome person.
NO! Enough is enough!
I should stop my self pity stuff!

Chaos

tis' strange, my thoughts are seemingly in coherence, though it is falling into incoherence, and I dunno why but I just gotta write it down some how.

Streams of consciousness. I wonder how Virginia Woolf did it and made it seem like order in chaos. If only....

tis the times that people should come together to congregate and share their woes to lift them up to God. Not only...

How now brown cow!
There is more to me than this,
cos we were meant to live,
with so much more than this.

Unsettled.

Vacillating from poem to prose
and back to the rows
of poem, without a meter
to follow, and no rhythm nor rhyme,
and can go on and on until I find myself running out of ....
of..... what is that word?
The word I need now?

Energy.

Thou art my Lord, is my shield, my portion and my deliverer.
My joy in thee is my strength,
and I shall offer my other cheek when others slap one side.
And all of my days I lift them up to you,
because Lord I'm tired and I need to rest in your promises.

Here are you

And

it was so

suddenly

clear to me

what was I

looking for

all this time

There are you

over here

playing games

with my mind

Someone who

could talk to

me

It was you

This is getting sicker and more disgusting. Love people, where is it?

To think that family ties can be screwed up over money and property is disgusting. Fine, it's normal according to the world's benchmark and level of greediness.

But for family ties to be screwed up on a whim of a matriarch. Now this is just sick and even more disgusting. I wonder who instigated all that crap. To those of u reading this, whether or not with ill-intentions, I pray that u will understand where I'm coming from.

Everyday, I see a situation right in front of me whereby family ties are estranged over money. and more to come I suppose. Screw the money. You want money, fat hope, u can't take the money. And I couldn't give two hoots about whether I'm the beneficiary or not. I'm giving all this money away to a charity when it comes to me. Sue me for it? Sure, go ahead. I'm pretty sure u can use ur excess to get more excess, rather than give it to people u needs it more. But I do what I want.

But if cos I can't, God would definitely not want me to have any ill feelings towards anyone, that's y he made me with a stronger conscience and a heart for the people than most do I guess. This verse came to me at an apt time when I was tossing and turning around in bed and decided to use the com.

"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling." ~ 1 Peter 4:8-9

Now I would just leave it as that for u to ponder over.

PS: I will, with God's help, forgive those who trespassed against me because the Lord told me so.

ONWARD LARKHILL!

I really enjoyed the Larkhill camp! It was awesome! Before I continue, I would like to say, "OH YEAH NEW TEMPLATE! TOO BAD IF U HATE PINK!" Ok so anyway, I guess there's alot for me to say, but I'm gonna summarise it. It was awesome beyond words. The end! No I'm just kiddin'.

Of cos I'm gonna talk about it more! I'm such a chatterbox, if u take the chatter out of the chatterbox, it is just an ordinary empty box! So anyway(the real stuff), once more God revealed his will in an awesome way, this time in a flashy debate over BBQ dinner. The topics were on evalution and creationism (how can we miss this classic debate topics), all of which was concluded with a "It doesn't matter what the Scientist find out, as long as God wants to be found out, it has been and will be." Secularism in law and state and euthanasia also popped up, in fact it was the topic of secularism in law and state that got the conversation started and the outcome was "If it is God's will, it will be done and his glory shown." That's about it I can articulate for now.

Oh and I gave tuition today... ... It's gonna get tough... ...

I was from 1-3 Humility, 4 Gentleness and 5 & 6 Patience.

I believe I was placed there for a reason and that reason has allowed me to understand certain things in my life. The reason is simple. God placed me there to do his will, and while he is at it, mould and groom me.

I posted the following on FB: " The learning point of the week: Be still and know that he is God. And while u r at it, pray according to his will. No use being a headless chicken running around, cursing and swearing and not accomplishing anything."

Recent events in my life has caused me to question my own character and other people's character. An avalanche of events thoughts from one social circle to another ad back again and to the next. I realised at the end of it all, it's all about pride and self. I asked myself, "What would Jesus do?" I do not wanna offend other and yet not allow him/her to get away with his/her misdeeds. My class placing in primary school says it all the Lord said.

1st: I must be humble to acknowledge my own transgressions and submit to the Lord, telling him that I have done wrong again have once again angered him. Please forgive me Lord and I pray that u will take me. My mistake was to be judgmental and condescend others. So what if other people lead a life of decadence and waste. Since they are my friends, I have can't just leave them alone while I feel disgusted from afar.

2nd: I must be gentle in my approach, after all that is what my name means. "Gentle strength" and "Meekness". Have I been living up to my name? On surface, yes. In fact, no. What am I going to do next? Enough said, it's time to plead to God for the spirit of Gentleness.

3rd: I must be patient with people and be more understanding and try to understand what they are going through. Patient with myself for not performing to expectations and patient to listen to God's instructions.

Having said that, I must also be gentle in the way I approach people and be patient with unwholesome comments and antics. I have indulged in few nonsense myself and in retrospect, shouldn't judge them for it. I also have to be gentle in rejecting certain nasty advances from people, explain things gently and be patient with them in understanding, and I have to do these all with humility.

Writing this reflection on a Sunday morning after a good night's rest from a disappointing day and a stress relieving evening, this weekend's reflection spills over from the weeks before and will be reflected upon again in future. Me being in a privileged position of being a Princess of the Kingdom of Heaven shouldn't act like I'm in hell. Get off my feet once more and start walking to the King my father. I'm bringing my brothers and sisters with me this time even if I have to push them.

I was placed in a class of Humility then taught in Gentleness and finally educated of Patience.

Out of Some Weird Revelation comes Many Other Questions

This week, I found out alot about a certain someone from my past, from a friend who was going around asking for numbers because he lost his hp. I questioned "How do I know it is not someone else hacking this com?" He replied "haha, good one. Cos I'm ur chem rep." ok passed. and yes, it was weird. He was the last few people to realise that there was someone that treacherous in our midst last time. hmm... ... Took him long enough, people are begining to forget about that person already.

But that was not the weirdest of my revelation. I begin to see things in different perspectives. Thanks or not to William Blake.RIP. I think he's semi-autistic or something. I really had to plough my brains inside out to figure this dead poet. He freaked me out quite abit initially. Then as I critically analyse the text, I found that I sympathsized with him. And no I ain't gonna be a anarchist anytime soon. or ever. I mean... Dude he is cool and revelutionary for his time. and still is today. He said things like "Excess of sorrow laughs and Excess of joy weeps."(from Marriage of Heaven and Hell, Proverbs from Hell)*now that title was shocking wasn't it?* He is a dissentent Christian, but still is a christian after all. I hope he got his peace in heaven.

Subsequently after that, I saw that it is interesting how one tries to assume superiority over another.(or other). The result is halocaust. To prevent this halocaust, I take a step back. and wait and see, if possible, walk away, if not run, as fast as u can. Imagine if such a thing happened between u and a friend. hoho... ... u can't run or walk away. Somebody please enlighten me? Somebody please remind me what Blake said about true friends? okok and what does the Bible say? When is it u fight, stay and be meek, or walk away?

My mind was in a frenzy yesterday and I couldn't quite do my Orientalism essay. But now I'm almost done. Sleep works wonders. Thank God for rest. :)

Now I'm wondering y some people would say things that did not happen? or maybe spread infomation that concerns a person but it does not directly reach the ears of the person in question. I wonder... Oh and maybe someone would like to tell me y I decided to do some really outrageous stuff and follow people that does not care much about others but themselves. Or is it me thinking too much? Am I really that insecure and paranoid? When do one stop caring? Or rather when do one START caring? Hmm... ...




I still dunno what I'm doing. or writing. or trying too hard to express.

The burdens that I carry in my heart are not as great as the burden of Jesus.

And this I say in the light of my disobedience to the Lord and of lack of faith today. What a naughty girl/lil' sheep I have been.

I was supposed to bring my cell girls to macdonalds to celebrate one of the girl's birthday. But it was raining, and me of lil' faith decided to cancel it and hold it in the place where we would later have our chruch service as per usual. Why? cos I was afraid the rain would not stop and it would be heavy and that the girls would get wet and so would I. As I was about to gather them to go up, one of my girls told me that one delinquent wanted to come today, it was then when I realised my mistake of not setting the place at macs. Damn, I told myself and did not really set in deep in my heart. It was only when I settled down in the auditorium that I realised that the poor lost soul out there would join us if we had gone to macs, and could have followed us to service thereafter. I sat through the whole entire feeling that guilt. The service was also impactful and I was very very sure it would have touched her. Especially with the fact that she used to be a dancer for the youth service and the dance performance was excellent in terms of concept. I felt her pain, her loneliness flowing through me when I sat through service.

My greatest guilt lies in the fact that I've never donw anything, I've always been passion. It's time I got off my lazy butt and do something. No excuses for me of lil' faith.

I told my whole cell to pray for the girl and listen to the svc, but my heart was heavy laden to listen to the sermon carefully. Looking retrospectively, God was like saying to me, "see I told u not to rely on urself, I could have helped u but u just wanted it ur way. Now stop feeling guilty and pray for the next chance to come." And now this blog post is a post for me to lament over my guilt, and commit my whole entire christian ministry into God's hands. I have never fully felt the burden of being a leader until now. And I thank God better late than never. This new found leadership burden I have has never dawned upon me until today. The burden of shepharding his flock is tremendous, just a cell of at largest 6, and I'm already fretting. Compared to Jesus, my burdens are nothing. Jesus tends to a flock of billions (past & present) and counting(future) and he commits it to God. (The prayer at the Garden of Gethsemane) I better do that too. My cell leader answered alter call today and upon seeing so, I run up to her to pray for her. After that, I had my whole cell pray together for Bethia. Yes I would say her name here so that any Christian brother and sister who are reading my blog will pray for her. There's another, her name is Charlynn. She is very new to the faith.


So I better stop wallowing in self-pity and passiveness and start doing what God wants me to do.

Good Friday. SHALOM to the WORLD! & the men of my life?!

and yoz I'm back bloggin', I guess it might be a weekly thing. Until exams are over... I guess... Seeing how fickle and uncommited I am... ...


So anyway, it's Good Friday. SHALOM to the WORLD! *peace* Gonna love JC! *puts up a Jesus freak sigh* JC! JC! JC! JC! u rock! Rocking rock of ages! I know I'm going to heaven cos of him, and I know I'm loved by God(that's the most important for a lonely soul for me to know).

So what if I'm unattached?! The man of my life is GOD! and of cos my earthly Dad too. haha... Speaking of which, I recently met my eye candy while going back to hall. Interestingly, I started a minor discussion on religious issues. He is not attending FCBC anymore and is attending NCC, a church I have my reservations about. But I'll not judge I hope. and there is this idea of radical grace that I'm not too sure about... and I'm really curious what it meant... I'll have to ask my Bible Study group and blog about it for people to see. My other eyecandy that I knew from some camp said that he is attending NCC too, and our conversation would have turned religious too if we didn't got interupted by the fact that we had to get out of the train and move out to where we were supposed to go respectively. Man... I can be radical... ... I guess like what my good friend Bettina said, if this pastor's church can save lives, we should not judge. In the 1st place, all human's shouldn't judge which other, we should embrace each other with love.

Love is God's greatest command to us. If we truly obey God we must love each other. Love, not lust nor sex. Love. That's y Jesus died on the cross for us. But I still have my reservations about that church. People say they see the light when they go there, but remember that Satan's name is Lucifer, meaning the angel of light; so please dun go to the wrong light.

So about me saying SHALOM to the World! It's about the recent bomb attacks over at Mascow. My dad said all Muslims who only think of dragging people down in misery with them should die 1st before they do so... NaStY... ... as far as I know, his Malay friends are chillax types, so are mine. We can sit down over dinner, tea or coffee with them and debate with them over religious issues and we are still chill, I even get more insights into the Muslim faith and find that it is not excatly the same God we are worshipping too. Why can't all the Muslims in the 3rd world countries take in the soft side of the Quran; why the Jihad?! It's so sad seeing others drag them down together in misery. Satan u shall not prevail! u hear me?! U WILL NOT PREVAIL SATAN! God's Justice will prevail. *LOVE BEAM!!!! ZAP!!!! ZAP!!!!*

And some must be thinking why am I so open about mentioning my eye candies?(action, extra, whatever u say...) Well, I've got my thinking sorted out already, I'm surrendering my love life to God, cos the loneliness from not having a bf is what's gripping me the past 1 year or so, and today's sermon is about surrending everything to God. Like how Abraham surrendered to God his only son Issac and told what God told him to. I realised that I do not feel ashamed about it anymore, though my loneliness is still there, that's cos I need time to adjust. I believe God will find me a good husband, and not just any super good looking peagent king or part-time model that comes along. Kind and strong in faith they maybe, but if God says no, it's no. I ain't gonna be stubborn, ergo desperate anymore. Having said that, I pray that my heart will not harden and I'll gain more understanding and not moral superiority over people who only got attached upon a week or 2 of knowing their partners.

So love for lust aside, it's love the world, ur neighbours and enemies, and most importantly, love God. Shalom!

PS: I love my family! :3 ~ <3

PSS: This is the 1st time after a long time I'm allowing people on my bf to see my blog again. Cos as one have read my past few blogs and with the title change, I'm shifting focus for this blog.

Nationalism is Patriotism repackaged for the post-colonial modern context

So no, patriotism is not so passe after all... ...

and that was what I wrote for my lit in-class reflective assignment. It was a surprise in-class reflective assignment. My prof was smiling as he announced it. *faints* Everybody when to the toilet screaming and going "ZOMG!" So anyway, I wrote in my reflective essay that the Great Books and classics are still valid in today's context as they speak about universal truths, SEA regional literature is just stating the universal truths in a different way. Like Patriotism is repackaged in the modern sense and name Nationalism for the post-colonial context.

I dun really care if people agree with my or not, I just feel that the issues in the great classics can never go wrong, and so is the so called less acknowledged SEA regional lit. I mean if I acknowledge it, and the people in this region acknowledge it and the writers are acknowledge, it's all that matters. Message from the texts gotten and people reflect on themselves after reading the story, I think it good to go.

So anyway, speaking of Patriotism, I'm glad that I still can go to a university even though I'm a chinese but I'm in SEA. Oh actually, I'm kinda Peranakan Chinese from my mum's side... Local enough? I think I'm threading on political ground when I write my 10-page language policy comparison report. After reading some history material for background info, I figured that Lee Kwan Yew could have ruled Malaysia if Singapore didn't get kicked out of the the Federation. MM Lee is the bomb that Tunku was afraid of... AKA Lee Kwan Yew pwns the political scene in this region. and I'm glad cos if it wasn't for him, honestly, I could be in the slums and grovelling the ground for my food. So I'm proud to be a Singaporean.

Now now... this reminds me, I shouldn't be too proud... ... Singaporeans got to be humble and remember that we were a mess last time; stop complaining about that old man and his family. If it wasn't for him, u wouldn't even be here critising in English or having a computer to send ur hate mail. So peace. and stop digging in the PRC's, do remember that majority for us here originated from there. The raising dragon will swallow the up. Beware all u Americans. My roomie is a PRC, after the initial attrition, I found that she is an awesome. She allowed me to use the fridge even though I didn't pay for it. Like how cool is that!

So anyway, y m I here typing this.... I'm supposed to be doing my 10-page report! Gotta go! God Bless and peace!