Worthnoless

NO! I dun ever wanna fall into darkness.
My hands wanna do some destructive work,
I wanna struggle some irresponsible teachers,
some annoying students,
and the whole damn school's facilities
except for the aircon in the classroom.
And I think of myself in a certain derogatory way,
and feel that I'll never be good enough to
excel in anything I do,
get attached and marry a good guy,
to be an awesome person.
NO! Enough is enough!
I should stop my self pity stuff!

Chaos

tis' strange, my thoughts are seemingly in coherence, though it is falling into incoherence, and I dunno why but I just gotta write it down some how.

Streams of consciousness. I wonder how Virginia Woolf did it and made it seem like order in chaos. If only....

tis the times that people should come together to congregate and share their woes to lift them up to God. Not only...

How now brown cow!
There is more to me than this,
cos we were meant to live,
with so much more than this.

Unsettled.

Vacillating from poem to prose
and back to the rows
of poem, without a meter
to follow, and no rhythm nor rhyme,
and can go on and on until I find myself running out of ....
of..... what is that word?
The word I need now?

Energy.

Thou art my Lord, is my shield, my portion and my deliverer.
My joy in thee is my strength,
and I shall offer my other cheek when others slap one side.
And all of my days I lift them up to you,
because Lord I'm tired and I need to rest in your promises.

Here are you

And

it was so

suddenly

clear to me

what was I

looking for

all this time

There are you

over here

playing games

with my mind

Someone who

could talk to

me

It was you

This is getting sicker and more disgusting. Love people, where is it?

To think that family ties can be screwed up over money and property is disgusting. Fine, it's normal according to the world's benchmark and level of greediness.

But for family ties to be screwed up on a whim of a matriarch. Now this is just sick and even more disgusting. I wonder who instigated all that crap. To those of u reading this, whether or not with ill-intentions, I pray that u will understand where I'm coming from.

Everyday, I see a situation right in front of me whereby family ties are estranged over money. and more to come I suppose. Screw the money. You want money, fat hope, u can't take the money. And I couldn't give two hoots about whether I'm the beneficiary or not. I'm giving all this money away to a charity when it comes to me. Sue me for it? Sure, go ahead. I'm pretty sure u can use ur excess to get more excess, rather than give it to people u needs it more. But I do what I want.

But if cos I can't, God would definitely not want me to have any ill feelings towards anyone, that's y he made me with a stronger conscience and a heart for the people than most do I guess. This verse came to me at an apt time when I was tossing and turning around in bed and decided to use the com.

"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling." ~ 1 Peter 4:8-9

Now I would just leave it as that for u to ponder over.

PS: I will, with God's help, forgive those who trespassed against me because the Lord told me so.

What I had gained through losing.

Though I didn't win anything this competition, I gained a lot of experience, learnt new things, forged new friendships and strengthen existing bonds! Most of all, I hit my personal best and experienced God in this competition!

What I told someone on fb was that some people may say "they are just saying this to comfort themselves!" But they often forget that Archery is ultimately a battle with oneself to strive for further heights in one's journey. Some may win gold, but if they dun learn a thing about life as a whole or strive for new heights, they lose to their conceited selves.

To my lovely teammates, this was the best competition I ever had by far! It was awesome possum and we all hit our personal best despite the lack of time to train and what not! Thanks for the fun and love! Love u both!

And yes I wrote all this on fb, that's cos this IS my reflection!

Something I did not post on fb is that I noticed that their are alot of poor wretched souls who seem to base their existence on medals, trophies and achievements. How sad is that life... ... Oh poor wretched souls... ... Do u not know that man shall not live on bread alone, let alone MEDALS ANS TROPHIES? Whichever the case, God showed his sovereignty to me over this past one month and it was an awesome feeling. More awesome than anything else in the world. PRAISE THE LORD FOR HIS MERCY TO SHOW ME HOW WRETCHED I AM WITHOUT HIM! I hope I sound like Psalms 119 enough. okok I should stop that holier-than-thou attitude.

To think I was listening to Schuman's Death and the Maiden on Symphony before my rounds on sat... ... and had Satie's Gymnopedie stuck in my head especially for that motif in the starting. I dunno if that was a good thing, I just knew I did the best I ever did for a triple face. haha... ... oh and eating disgusting tuna subway... ... The worst subway I have eaten is at NUS... ... *pukes*

On the ending note, I truly enjoyed myself and I thank God for all the mercies he have showered upon me. Words cannot describe how overwhelmed I was and still is.

ONWARD LARKHILL!

I really enjoyed the Larkhill camp! It was awesome! Before I continue, I would like to say, "OH YEAH NEW TEMPLATE! TOO BAD IF U HATE PINK!" Ok so anyway, I guess there's alot for me to say, but I'm gonna summarise it. It was awesome beyond words. The end! No I'm just kiddin'.

Of cos I'm gonna talk about it more! I'm such a chatterbox, if u take the chatter out of the chatterbox, it is just an ordinary empty box! So anyway(the real stuff), once more God revealed his will in an awesome way, this time in a flashy debate over BBQ dinner. The topics were on evalution and creationism (how can we miss this classic debate topics), all of which was concluded with a "It doesn't matter what the Scientist find out, as long as God wants to be found out, it has been and will be." Secularism in law and state and euthanasia also popped up, in fact it was the topic of secularism in law and state that got the conversation started and the outcome was "If it is God's will, it will be done and his glory shown." That's about it I can articulate for now.

Oh and I gave tuition today... ... It's gonna get tough... ...

I was from 1-3 Humility, 4 Gentleness and 5 & 6 Patience.

I believe I was placed there for a reason and that reason has allowed me to understand certain things in my life. The reason is simple. God placed me there to do his will, and while he is at it, mould and groom me.

I posted the following on FB: " The learning point of the week: Be still and know that he is God. And while u r at it, pray according to his will. No use being a headless chicken running around, cursing and swearing and not accomplishing anything."

Recent events in my life has caused me to question my own character and other people's character. An avalanche of events thoughts from one social circle to another ad back again and to the next. I realised at the end of it all, it's all about pride and self. I asked myself, "What would Jesus do?" I do not wanna offend other and yet not allow him/her to get away with his/her misdeeds. My class placing in primary school says it all the Lord said.

1st: I must be humble to acknowledge my own transgressions and submit to the Lord, telling him that I have done wrong again have once again angered him. Please forgive me Lord and I pray that u will take me. My mistake was to be judgmental and condescend others. So what if other people lead a life of decadence and waste. Since they are my friends, I have can't just leave them alone while I feel disgusted from afar.

2nd: I must be gentle in my approach, after all that is what my name means. "Gentle strength" and "Meekness". Have I been living up to my name? On surface, yes. In fact, no. What am I going to do next? Enough said, it's time to plead to God for the spirit of Gentleness.

3rd: I must be patient with people and be more understanding and try to understand what they are going through. Patient with myself for not performing to expectations and patient to listen to God's instructions.

Having said that, I must also be gentle in the way I approach people and be patient with unwholesome comments and antics. I have indulged in few nonsense myself and in retrospect, shouldn't judge them for it. I also have to be gentle in rejecting certain nasty advances from people, explain things gently and be patient with them in understanding, and I have to do these all with humility.

Writing this reflection on a Sunday morning after a good night's rest from a disappointing day and a stress relieving evening, this weekend's reflection spills over from the weeks before and will be reflected upon again in future. Me being in a privileged position of being a Princess of the Kingdom of Heaven shouldn't act like I'm in hell. Get off my feet once more and start walking to the King my father. I'm bringing my brothers and sisters with me this time even if I have to push them.

I was placed in a class of Humility then taught in Gentleness and finally educated of Patience.

The evil one is getting desperate in the bid to spread his malice as these are the end times.

He is going to drag alot of people to hell with him. Yes, and be careful of what u see or hear from the mass media.

Today's topic? The evils of the mass media and the entertainment industry. Blatantly shooting directly at certain actions done are rituals of satanic origins; 1st of the rack, Lady Gaga's Bad Romance. It is a ritual for the Babylonian God, Baal. That perverted goat do love his priestess naked prostitute and his offering a lavacious man just like him. *And yes I dare insult him without expecting any bad thing to happen to me as I'm a child of the one true God and he can't do anything to me. He would be too scared cos I have a battalion of angels from God guarding me.* Enough said, underlining meaning: BEWARE OF LADY GAGA. AND DUN SAY U WANNA BE MINDFREAKED OR MINDCONTROLLED AND ACT ALL TOUGH WHILE SAYING U WANNA SAW OFF UR LEG!

Today, more than ever, with the help of the mass media, many satanic images go through our head and minds without us even knowing it. The most classic example is the following song. I think this song is awesome, but I got kinda freaked out after my friend pointed something out to me.

See the eye in the beginning of the music video? That's the eye of Horus, the symbol of the illuminati. I didn't even notice it until my friend told me, I only thought this song was about taking drugs. geez... It's more than meets the eye.

Linking this back to Lady Gaga, I know people have said that Lady Gaga is the puppet of the illuminati cult and many fans off brushed it off. Well, the evidence is quite clear now that I have pointed to u about the eye of Horus. Look at almost all of Lady Gaga's music videos. Show me one that does not involve her closing one eye or her going into a weird trance of some sort in which she starts dancing. So all this evidence lead to one to each other, eventually it links the entertainment industry to the political ground. But I shall not go into details of that for today as the focus is on the entertainment industry.

The main idea here is that one should always be careful of what one is exposed to. So many blatant hints that are not obvious to the uneducated mind are the most dangerous. Cos one will not know what hit them until they die and see their life in retrospect. These are the end times, the evil one is appealing to our need for comfort and love by showing us casual sex and pornography, he also appeals to our need for any kind of self gratification by suggesting that "U are the most important thing in ur own life, and u should do what u want." This is not in line with what God says which is to "Love God above all other things" placing him the priority in ur life. That also means committing ur entire life and being to him and not to ur carnal desires. The entertainment scene is the devil's playground, u must ask urself, what is it that u r entertaining? and will it be eternal? What is it that u r trying to gratify? Does it make to feel whole?

U want orgasmic experience, here's a christian song to end off to allow u spiritual orgasmic. *sorry for the bad description God, can't find a better word to get attention*