Christmas isn't Christmas till you happen to know who died to open a pathway to heaven.

Caroling and stuff don't make any sense to me nowadays. People have seemed to have forgotten the true spirit of Christmas. It's not about giving and sharing. It's about Jesus.

Devil, admit it. You have lost the war. Now stop acting like a sore loser. It's Jesus' party. Please don't ruin others party.

The true meaning for Christmas is Jesus.

"For to us a child is born, to us a son is given; and the government shall be upon his shoulder, and his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace." ~Isaiah 9:6 ~

Someone said this: He died so that you may live (again). *can't remember who said that*

Anyway, Blessed Christmas to one and all. Take care and God Bless you.

This song is dedicated to everyone on earth and to Jesus and God and the Holy Spirit.

The Insanity of Satan and the Sovereignty of God

‎"Satanic temptation is irrational", therefore those who become tempted become irrational.

Your Humble Servant is commisioned and ready to serve you.

On my 21st Birthday, as I went up for alter call. Isaiah 6 was revealed to me in a different perspective.

I do not wish to talk about the inherent problems that lies with such altar call; all I wish to say is that when one comes before God, one must be ready to be changed. Daddy God ain't an ATM of emotions and blessings, he can be if he wants to, but that might be undermining his sovereignty if he would to just do that everytime we want an emotional/spiritual high. We should always expect a change in our hearts and our minds renewed, and not go back to our old ways.

Having said that, I went up with a heart wanting a change, to see his will and ready to submit, trust and obey. And so I prostrated (nearly, due to lack of space), and imagine the scene of Isaiah being commissioned by God. Words cannot describe my feelings, it was overwhelming. Ultimately what mattered was that I now know that I must be careful with my words, and be ready to serve the Lord, putting his will above my pleasures.

I could go on and on... But I decided not to.

Playing around with some of the template stuff, changing my outlook

As the title suggests... ... As those who like to regularly stalk my fb, hence my blog as well will know that I added a few interesting things on my blog, such as the share buttons and the rate buttons. Don't get me wrong, it ain't for a ego boost, it's more for playing around, I'll take it down after a while if I see that it cramps my style.

And the changing outlook bit... ... and policies too.

I'm official announcing that I allow certain things that people would not do out here so that u know my stand.

As some would know, I'm a trainee teacher, and students are desperately trying to get my fb and check out what nonsense I can be up to. I'm allowing my students to check out my nonsensical trash talk on fb. Now that I'm not on practicum and will not be teaching that school anymore, I feel that this is the only way I can be contacted personally without being spammed on my hp.

And as for adding strangers, I'll allow strangers to add me. Unless they seem fantasically dubious, I'll add strangers and if they approach me on the fb chat, I'll reply; unless I'm uber busy that is. The reason will be almost the same reason(the real one) as to why I would allow my students to add me. But I will not make it clear here for the fact that I'm a teacher, I will have to be impartial about religion. (Obvious enough?)

In any case, I hope that it will not offend anyone in the process. If there's anyone who will feel offended, please do speak up and I'll try to be more tactful.


And one more thing, I can't believe I'm actually saying this. I can't wait for school to start. I actually miss being a student. :s

Worthnoless

NO! I dun ever wanna fall into darkness.
My hands wanna do some destructive work,
I wanna struggle some irresponsible teachers,
some annoying students,
and the whole damn school's facilities
except for the aircon in the classroom.
And I think of myself in a certain derogatory way,
and feel that I'll never be good enough to
excel in anything I do,
get attached and marry a good guy,
to be an awesome person.
NO! Enough is enough!
I should stop my self pity stuff!

Chaos

tis' strange, my thoughts are seemingly in coherence, though it is falling into incoherence, and I dunno why but I just gotta write it down some how.

Streams of consciousness. I wonder how Virginia Woolf did it and made it seem like order in chaos. If only....

tis the times that people should come together to congregate and share their woes to lift them up to God. Not only...

How now brown cow!
There is more to me than this,
cos we were meant to live,
with so much more than this.

Unsettled.

Vacillating from poem to prose
and back to the rows
of poem, without a meter
to follow, and no rhythm nor rhyme,
and can go on and on until I find myself running out of ....
of..... what is that word?
The word I need now?

Energy.

Thou art my Lord, is my shield, my portion and my deliverer.
My joy in thee is my strength,
and I shall offer my other cheek when others slap one side.
And all of my days I lift them up to you,
because Lord I'm tired and I need to rest in your promises.

Here are you

And

it was so

suddenly

clear to me

what was I

looking for

all this time

There are you

over here

playing games

with my mind

Someone who

could talk to

me

It was you

This is getting sicker and more disgusting. Love people, where is it?

To think that family ties can be screwed up over money and property is disgusting. Fine, it's normal according to the world's benchmark and level of greediness.

But for family ties to be screwed up on a whim of a matriarch. Now this is just sick and even more disgusting. I wonder who instigated all that crap. To those of u reading this, whether or not with ill-intentions, I pray that u will understand where I'm coming from.

Everyday, I see a situation right in front of me whereby family ties are estranged over money. and more to come I suppose. Screw the money. You want money, fat hope, u can't take the money. And I couldn't give two hoots about whether I'm the beneficiary or not. I'm giving all this money away to a charity when it comes to me. Sue me for it? Sure, go ahead. I'm pretty sure u can use ur excess to get more excess, rather than give it to people u needs it more. But I do what I want.

But if cos I can't, God would definitely not want me to have any ill feelings towards anyone, that's y he made me with a stronger conscience and a heart for the people than most do I guess. This verse came to me at an apt time when I was tossing and turning around in bed and decided to use the com.

"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling." ~ 1 Peter 4:8-9

Now I would just leave it as that for u to ponder over.

PS: I will, with God's help, forgive those who trespassed against me because the Lord told me so.

What I had gained through losing.

Though I didn't win anything this competition, I gained a lot of experience, learnt new things, forged new friendships and strengthen existing bonds! Most of all, I hit my personal best and experienced God in this competition!

What I told someone on fb was that some people may say "they are just saying this to comfort themselves!" But they often forget that Archery is ultimately a battle with oneself to strive for further heights in one's journey. Some may win gold, but if they dun learn a thing about life as a whole or strive for new heights, they lose to their conceited selves.

To my lovely teammates, this was the best competition I ever had by far! It was awesome possum and we all hit our personal best despite the lack of time to train and what not! Thanks for the fun and love! Love u both!

And yes I wrote all this on fb, that's cos this IS my reflection!

Something I did not post on fb is that I noticed that their are alot of poor wretched souls who seem to base their existence on medals, trophies and achievements. How sad is that life... ... Oh poor wretched souls... ... Do u not know that man shall not live on bread alone, let alone MEDALS ANS TROPHIES? Whichever the case, God showed his sovereignty to me over this past one month and it was an awesome feeling. More awesome than anything else in the world. PRAISE THE LORD FOR HIS MERCY TO SHOW ME HOW WRETCHED I AM WITHOUT HIM! I hope I sound like Psalms 119 enough. okok I should stop that holier-than-thou attitude.

To think I was listening to Schuman's Death and the Maiden on Symphony before my rounds on sat... ... and had Satie's Gymnopedie stuck in my head especially for that motif in the starting. I dunno if that was a good thing, I just knew I did the best I ever did for a triple face. haha... ... oh and eating disgusting tuna subway... ... The worst subway I have eaten is at NUS... ... *pukes*

On the ending note, I truly enjoyed myself and I thank God for all the mercies he have showered upon me. Words cannot describe how overwhelmed I was and still is.

ONWARD LARKHILL!

I really enjoyed the Larkhill camp! It was awesome! Before I continue, I would like to say, "OH YEAH NEW TEMPLATE! TOO BAD IF U HATE PINK!" Ok so anyway, I guess there's alot for me to say, but I'm gonna summarise it. It was awesome beyond words. The end! No I'm just kiddin'.

Of cos I'm gonna talk about it more! I'm such a chatterbox, if u take the chatter out of the chatterbox, it is just an ordinary empty box! So anyway(the real stuff), once more God revealed his will in an awesome way, this time in a flashy debate over BBQ dinner. The topics were on evalution and creationism (how can we miss this classic debate topics), all of which was concluded with a "It doesn't matter what the Scientist find out, as long as God wants to be found out, it has been and will be." Secularism in law and state and euthanasia also popped up, in fact it was the topic of secularism in law and state that got the conversation started and the outcome was "If it is God's will, it will be done and his glory shown." That's about it I can articulate for now.

Oh and I gave tuition today... ... It's gonna get tough... ...

I was from 1-3 Humility, 4 Gentleness and 5 & 6 Patience.

I believe I was placed there for a reason and that reason has allowed me to understand certain things in my life. The reason is simple. God placed me there to do his will, and while he is at it, mould and groom me.

I posted the following on FB: " The learning point of the week: Be still and know that he is God. And while u r at it, pray according to his will. No use being a headless chicken running around, cursing and swearing and not accomplishing anything."

Recent events in my life has caused me to question my own character and other people's character. An avalanche of events thoughts from one social circle to another ad back again and to the next. I realised at the end of it all, it's all about pride and self. I asked myself, "What would Jesus do?" I do not wanna offend other and yet not allow him/her to get away with his/her misdeeds. My class placing in primary school says it all the Lord said.

1st: I must be humble to acknowledge my own transgressions and submit to the Lord, telling him that I have done wrong again have once again angered him. Please forgive me Lord and I pray that u will take me. My mistake was to be judgmental and condescend others. So what if other people lead a life of decadence and waste. Since they are my friends, I have can't just leave them alone while I feel disgusted from afar.

2nd: I must be gentle in my approach, after all that is what my name means. "Gentle strength" and "Meekness". Have I been living up to my name? On surface, yes. In fact, no. What am I going to do next? Enough said, it's time to plead to God for the spirit of Gentleness.

3rd: I must be patient with people and be more understanding and try to understand what they are going through. Patient with myself for not performing to expectations and patient to listen to God's instructions.

Having said that, I must also be gentle in the way I approach people and be patient with unwholesome comments and antics. I have indulged in few nonsense myself and in retrospect, shouldn't judge them for it. I also have to be gentle in rejecting certain nasty advances from people, explain things gently and be patient with them in understanding, and I have to do these all with humility.

Writing this reflection on a Sunday morning after a good night's rest from a disappointing day and a stress relieving evening, this weekend's reflection spills over from the weeks before and will be reflected upon again in future. Me being in a privileged position of being a Princess of the Kingdom of Heaven shouldn't act like I'm in hell. Get off my feet once more and start walking to the King my father. I'm bringing my brothers and sisters with me this time even if I have to push them.

I was placed in a class of Humility then taught in Gentleness and finally educated of Patience.

The evil one is getting desperate in the bid to spread his malice as these are the end times.

He is going to drag alot of people to hell with him. Yes, and be careful of what u see or hear from the mass media.

Today's topic? The evils of the mass media and the entertainment industry. Blatantly shooting directly at certain actions done are rituals of satanic origins; 1st of the rack, Lady Gaga's Bad Romance. It is a ritual for the Babylonian God, Baal. That perverted goat do love his priestess naked prostitute and his offering a lavacious man just like him. *And yes I dare insult him without expecting any bad thing to happen to me as I'm a child of the one true God and he can't do anything to me. He would be too scared cos I have a battalion of angels from God guarding me.* Enough said, underlining meaning: BEWARE OF LADY GAGA. AND DUN SAY U WANNA BE MINDFREAKED OR MINDCONTROLLED AND ACT ALL TOUGH WHILE SAYING U WANNA SAW OFF UR LEG!

Today, more than ever, with the help of the mass media, many satanic images go through our head and minds without us even knowing it. The most classic example is the following song. I think this song is awesome, but I got kinda freaked out after my friend pointed something out to me.

See the eye in the beginning of the music video? That's the eye of Horus, the symbol of the illuminati. I didn't even notice it until my friend told me, I only thought this song was about taking drugs. geez... It's more than meets the eye.

Linking this back to Lady Gaga, I know people have said that Lady Gaga is the puppet of the illuminati cult and many fans off brushed it off. Well, the evidence is quite clear now that I have pointed to u about the eye of Horus. Look at almost all of Lady Gaga's music videos. Show me one that does not involve her closing one eye or her going into a weird trance of some sort in which she starts dancing. So all this evidence lead to one to each other, eventually it links the entertainment industry to the political ground. But I shall not go into details of that for today as the focus is on the entertainment industry.

The main idea here is that one should always be careful of what one is exposed to. So many blatant hints that are not obvious to the uneducated mind are the most dangerous. Cos one will not know what hit them until they die and see their life in retrospect. These are the end times, the evil one is appealing to our need for comfort and love by showing us casual sex and pornography, he also appeals to our need for any kind of self gratification by suggesting that "U are the most important thing in ur own life, and u should do what u want." This is not in line with what God says which is to "Love God above all other things" placing him the priority in ur life. That also means committing ur entire life and being to him and not to ur carnal desires. The entertainment scene is the devil's playground, u must ask urself, what is it that u r entertaining? and will it be eternal? What is it that u r trying to gratify? Does it make to feel whole?

U want orgasmic experience, here's a christian song to end off to allow u spiritual orgasmic. *sorry for the bad description God, can't find a better word to get attention*

You are ... cheesy lines

Something random one of my BFF and I thought of... and it developed into 10 cheesy lines I decided to bring it further and compile it into a poem.

You are

the sugar to my candy,

the peanut of my tutu kueh,

the juice to my beef steak,

the coconut milk of my laksa,

the seasoning to my maggi mee,

the sun of my light,

the harmony to my melody,

the vitamin C of my orange,

the air to my balloon,

the sands of my hourglass.

Not Cheesy enough? Please help me add more?

I'm typing this post as I'm sitting on my bed feeling ambivalent knowing that it's my last day in hall.

But a bit nostalgic though... ...

I wrote a note to my roomie, thanking her for allowing me to use her fridge and tolerating my nonsense. She is a PRC student, same age as me and she is pretty awesome and pretty too.

To think the year before I was rooming with my dad's friend's daughter whom I had been to the same school as her since young and practically all the way to uni, only getting to know her better as a roomie.

Clashes do occur, but oh well... we all kept quiet and tolerated.

The next roomie will be a vietnamese girl who is exactly one year older than me; she has the same birthday as me. How exciting is that! But that is if I get a place in hall.

It's been 2 years in the same room with different roomies and different toiletmates(there is a conjoined toilet in between every 2 rooms in where I'm staying), and different neighbours. Regardless, it's been nice knowing all of them.

ok signing off from this post to get packing and bathing. This is a memory to be noted down.

I'm a human afterall, but I wanna be a good human

and while I'm trying to do that, I'll try to be a good child of God.

Exams are over and another reality sets in. I have to make choices and I dunno which one to decide on 1st... God will guide me... Step by step...

Ok I made the biggest mistake of my life... and I will not elaborate here. The point is that I need to be more tactful and I need to pray to God 1st before I do anything else...

ok and back to decisions... To be or not to be... ...

Leader or follower or supporter... ...

Marketplace ministry Vs Innercourt ministry... ...

God please help me make the right decisions and help me say the right thing?

Psalms 3

I will blog about today's Bible Study cos I think it is very appropriate.

The background: I did something I shouldn't and I'm begining to scare myself.

Million Dollar question as asked by Darren: What keeps you awake at night?
We all agreed it is extreme emotions that keep us awake.

So yeah, I did something stupid and I'm feeling guilty about it. And I shouldn't even bother about it. Cos I'm just an idiot...

No I'm not an idiot, stop it devil. I'm a child of God. Do not attack my confidence and say that God will not deliever me; and do not stop me from shining as a beacon unto others. My sinful human nature tears me apart. But I will not give in. The Lord will guide me!

So yeah, I'm emoing and nobody actually realises the tears behind the smiles. and I'm openly writing this on my blog to see who actually will notice my blog and who actually notices. When someone emos, everybody will rush to one's side and superficially comfort them. No I do not need comfort, I need support and company. I'm almost doubting who I can even trust and I'm becoming paranoid.

*My real friends will stand by me through this. But does that mean those filtered out, who aren't my real friends are enemies? What do they say behind my back?*

There goes my confidence again. Snap out of it gal.

How are we coping with anxiety and how do/can we cope?
Read versus 3-6 of Psalms. The real foes are insecurities attacking our relationshop with God & not the personal grudge we have of other people.

What have I learnt?
God will always be there for us; as in seriously, if he chosen us, he will never forsake us. So he will deliever me from my sinful nature. God is the real friend that I have been looking for but he has actually been there for me the whole time.


Prayer requests:
I pray for all the lonely poor wretched souls in the world who have yet to feel God's love and has been tormenting and emotionally blackmailing people around them due to that emptiness. I also pray for the wisdom to deal with challenges in the world. And the discipline to get off fb or even the internet.

AND... The bible said, if a part of my body causes me to sin, cut it off; and since my addiction to the internet and connection to fb hence caused to me to be inappropriate, sin and be distracted, I WILL cut it off. In order to control myself, I have decided to cut myself off from the internet when I'm doing work. Most importantly, cut off from fb. So LAN cable, off u go after I post this up. Devil and sinful flesh u will not prevail.

Ok now back to Language Acquisition and Development.

Out of Some Weird Revelation comes Many Other Questions

This week, I found out alot about a certain someone from my past, from a friend who was going around asking for numbers because he lost his hp. I questioned "How do I know it is not someone else hacking this com?" He replied "haha, good one. Cos I'm ur chem rep." ok passed. and yes, it was weird. He was the last few people to realise that there was someone that treacherous in our midst last time. hmm... ... Took him long enough, people are begining to forget about that person already.

But that was not the weirdest of my revelation. I begin to see things in different perspectives. Thanks or not to William Blake.RIP. I think he's semi-autistic or something. I really had to plough my brains inside out to figure this dead poet. He freaked me out quite abit initially. Then as I critically analyse the text, I found that I sympathsized with him. And no I ain't gonna be a anarchist anytime soon. or ever. I mean... Dude he is cool and revelutionary for his time. and still is today. He said things like "Excess of sorrow laughs and Excess of joy weeps."(from Marriage of Heaven and Hell, Proverbs from Hell)*now that title was shocking wasn't it?* He is a dissentent Christian, but still is a christian after all. I hope he got his peace in heaven.

Subsequently after that, I saw that it is interesting how one tries to assume superiority over another.(or other). The result is halocaust. To prevent this halocaust, I take a step back. and wait and see, if possible, walk away, if not run, as fast as u can. Imagine if such a thing happened between u and a friend. hoho... ... u can't run or walk away. Somebody please enlighten me? Somebody please remind me what Blake said about true friends? okok and what does the Bible say? When is it u fight, stay and be meek, or walk away?

My mind was in a frenzy yesterday and I couldn't quite do my Orientalism essay. But now I'm almost done. Sleep works wonders. Thank God for rest. :)

Now I'm wondering y some people would say things that did not happen? or maybe spread infomation that concerns a person but it does not directly reach the ears of the person in question. I wonder... Oh and maybe someone would like to tell me y I decided to do some really outrageous stuff and follow people that does not care much about others but themselves. Or is it me thinking too much? Am I really that insecure and paranoid? When do one stop caring? Or rather when do one START caring? Hmm... ...




I still dunno what I'm doing. or writing. or trying too hard to express.

The burdens that I carry in my heart are not as great as the burden of Jesus.

And this I say in the light of my disobedience to the Lord and of lack of faith today. What a naughty girl/lil' sheep I have been.

I was supposed to bring my cell girls to macdonalds to celebrate one of the girl's birthday. But it was raining, and me of lil' faith decided to cancel it and hold it in the place where we would later have our chruch service as per usual. Why? cos I was afraid the rain would not stop and it would be heavy and that the girls would get wet and so would I. As I was about to gather them to go up, one of my girls told me that one delinquent wanted to come today, it was then when I realised my mistake of not setting the place at macs. Damn, I told myself and did not really set in deep in my heart. It was only when I settled down in the auditorium that I realised that the poor lost soul out there would join us if we had gone to macs, and could have followed us to service thereafter. I sat through the whole entire feeling that guilt. The service was also impactful and I was very very sure it would have touched her. Especially with the fact that she used to be a dancer for the youth service and the dance performance was excellent in terms of concept. I felt her pain, her loneliness flowing through me when I sat through service.

My greatest guilt lies in the fact that I've never donw anything, I've always been passion. It's time I got off my lazy butt and do something. No excuses for me of lil' faith.

I told my whole cell to pray for the girl and listen to the svc, but my heart was heavy laden to listen to the sermon carefully. Looking retrospectively, God was like saying to me, "see I told u not to rely on urself, I could have helped u but u just wanted it ur way. Now stop feeling guilty and pray for the next chance to come." And now this blog post is a post for me to lament over my guilt, and commit my whole entire christian ministry into God's hands. I have never fully felt the burden of being a leader until now. And I thank God better late than never. This new found leadership burden I have has never dawned upon me until today. The burden of shepharding his flock is tremendous, just a cell of at largest 6, and I'm already fretting. Compared to Jesus, my burdens are nothing. Jesus tends to a flock of billions (past & present) and counting(future) and he commits it to God. (The prayer at the Garden of Gethsemane) I better do that too. My cell leader answered alter call today and upon seeing so, I run up to her to pray for her. After that, I had my whole cell pray together for Bethia. Yes I would say her name here so that any Christian brother and sister who are reading my blog will pray for her. There's another, her name is Charlynn. She is very new to the faith.


So I better stop wallowing in self-pity and passiveness and start doing what God wants me to do.

Good Friday. SHALOM to the WORLD! & the men of my life?!

and yoz I'm back bloggin', I guess it might be a weekly thing. Until exams are over... I guess... Seeing how fickle and uncommited I am... ...


So anyway, it's Good Friday. SHALOM to the WORLD! *peace* Gonna love JC! *puts up a Jesus freak sigh* JC! JC! JC! JC! u rock! Rocking rock of ages! I know I'm going to heaven cos of him, and I know I'm loved by God(that's the most important for a lonely soul for me to know).

So what if I'm unattached?! The man of my life is GOD! and of cos my earthly Dad too. haha... Speaking of which, I recently met my eye candy while going back to hall. Interestingly, I started a minor discussion on religious issues. He is not attending FCBC anymore and is attending NCC, a church I have my reservations about. But I'll not judge I hope. and there is this idea of radical grace that I'm not too sure about... and I'm really curious what it meant... I'll have to ask my Bible Study group and blog about it for people to see. My other eyecandy that I knew from some camp said that he is attending NCC too, and our conversation would have turned religious too if we didn't got interupted by the fact that we had to get out of the train and move out to where we were supposed to go respectively. Man... I can be radical... ... I guess like what my good friend Bettina said, if this pastor's church can save lives, we should not judge. In the 1st place, all human's shouldn't judge which other, we should embrace each other with love.

Love is God's greatest command to us. If we truly obey God we must love each other. Love, not lust nor sex. Love. That's y Jesus died on the cross for us. But I still have my reservations about that church. People say they see the light when they go there, but remember that Satan's name is Lucifer, meaning the angel of light; so please dun go to the wrong light.

So about me saying SHALOM to the World! It's about the recent bomb attacks over at Mascow. My dad said all Muslims who only think of dragging people down in misery with them should die 1st before they do so... NaStY... ... as far as I know, his Malay friends are chillax types, so are mine. We can sit down over dinner, tea or coffee with them and debate with them over religious issues and we are still chill, I even get more insights into the Muslim faith and find that it is not excatly the same God we are worshipping too. Why can't all the Muslims in the 3rd world countries take in the soft side of the Quran; why the Jihad?! It's so sad seeing others drag them down together in misery. Satan u shall not prevail! u hear me?! U WILL NOT PREVAIL SATAN! God's Justice will prevail. *LOVE BEAM!!!! ZAP!!!! ZAP!!!!*

And some must be thinking why am I so open about mentioning my eye candies?(action, extra, whatever u say...) Well, I've got my thinking sorted out already, I'm surrendering my love life to God, cos the loneliness from not having a bf is what's gripping me the past 1 year or so, and today's sermon is about surrending everything to God. Like how Abraham surrendered to God his only son Issac and told what God told him to. I realised that I do not feel ashamed about it anymore, though my loneliness is still there, that's cos I need time to adjust. I believe God will find me a good husband, and not just any super good looking peagent king or part-time model that comes along. Kind and strong in faith they maybe, but if God says no, it's no. I ain't gonna be stubborn, ergo desperate anymore. Having said that, I pray that my heart will not harden and I'll gain more understanding and not moral superiority over people who only got attached upon a week or 2 of knowing their partners.

So love for lust aside, it's love the world, ur neighbours and enemies, and most importantly, love God. Shalom!

PS: I love my family! :3 ~ <3

PSS: This is the 1st time after a long time I'm allowing people on my bf to see my blog again. Cos as one have read my past few blogs and with the title change, I'm shifting focus for this blog.

Nationalism is Patriotism repackaged for the post-colonial modern context

So no, patriotism is not so passe after all... ...

and that was what I wrote for my lit in-class reflective assignment. It was a surprise in-class reflective assignment. My prof was smiling as he announced it. *faints* Everybody when to the toilet screaming and going "ZOMG!" So anyway, I wrote in my reflective essay that the Great Books and classics are still valid in today's context as they speak about universal truths, SEA regional literature is just stating the universal truths in a different way. Like Patriotism is repackaged in the modern sense and name Nationalism for the post-colonial context.

I dun really care if people agree with my or not, I just feel that the issues in the great classics can never go wrong, and so is the so called less acknowledged SEA regional lit. I mean if I acknowledge it, and the people in this region acknowledge it and the writers are acknowledge, it's all that matters. Message from the texts gotten and people reflect on themselves after reading the story, I think it good to go.

So anyway, speaking of Patriotism, I'm glad that I still can go to a university even though I'm a chinese but I'm in SEA. Oh actually, I'm kinda Peranakan Chinese from my mum's side... Local enough? I think I'm threading on political ground when I write my 10-page language policy comparison report. After reading some history material for background info, I figured that Lee Kwan Yew could have ruled Malaysia if Singapore didn't get kicked out of the the Federation. MM Lee is the bomb that Tunku was afraid of... AKA Lee Kwan Yew pwns the political scene in this region. and I'm glad cos if it wasn't for him, honestly, I could be in the slums and grovelling the ground for my food. So I'm proud to be a Singaporean.

Now now... this reminds me, I shouldn't be too proud... ... Singaporeans got to be humble and remember that we were a mess last time; stop complaining about that old man and his family. If it wasn't for him, u wouldn't even be here critising in English or having a computer to send ur hate mail. So peace. and stop digging in the PRC's, do remember that majority for us here originated from there. The raising dragon will swallow the up. Beware all u Americans. My roomie is a PRC, after the initial attrition, I found that she is an awesome. She allowed me to use the fridge even though I didn't pay for it. Like how cool is that!

So anyway, y m I here typing this.... I'm supposed to be doing my 10-page report! Gotta go! God Bless and peace!

UnSeTTleD

Unsettling as it is, I saw something crazy... My ex-eyecandy seems to be a bit sad and stuff... & it seems as if it's about his relationship... I'm feeling kinda evil here but I'll be truthful and say that to begin with, their relationship seemed like a superficial one. But that aside, I still pray that he will walk closely with the Lord.

Ok so the MOST UNSETTLING THING: is over for now.

Just handed in an assignment tjhat is marked by a serious of mayhems and nervous luaghters... My poor groupmates are like so relieved. and so am I. I was like 5 mins before deadline: DUDE U BETTER STOP NOW AND SEND IT IN TO SAFE ASSIGNMENTS!

15 mins after the deadline: *nervously laughing while walking to the ELL office for hardcopy submission*

So anyway, that's life for now and I thank God that I'm still conscious and still have time to even nyom down my subway in a record timing of 10mins and whisk myself up to lit tutorial and catch 6 hours of sleep.

As I told my friend on fb, this is the uncensored and uncut life of a uni kia. Get them fresh and juicy on fb!

Welcome to life!

Now time to start on my 10 page report on comparing Singapore's and Malaysia's Language policy. Ganbatte to self!

My hopes and dreams just shattered in that instance in the shooting line when I found out my equipment failed on me...

This is the 1st major competition in which I have never won a medal... Not just me, but my teammates, we were all in a panic when we found out my bow limbs split at the socket joints... Really crap man... So pissing! and I feel like I have let my teammates down!

There is a hope that burns within my soul... ...

There is a drive to get that Gold medal plus trophy back burning within my soul too... ...

I was so screwed! I can't believe it happened to me!!!! Like RAWR!!!! WHY GOD? I wanna know why! Why my equipment fail on me during competition?! My world is sinking into an abyss! NO!!!! and I was so embarassed when that happened! All the negetive feelings mixed into one. The worst thing is I lost a battle without fighting it!

*sniffles* ... ... ... ... And those stuck up people... ... They should just stop being so stuck up and encourage fellow archers though we are opponents.

Freak accidents happen... ... This is the ultimate freak accident that happened to me in my whole entire life!

That was the very 1st arrow I shot and the last arrow I shot with that pair of bow limbs. I'll never get cheap stuff ever again for Archery.


NEVER BUY CYBOW POWERFULL LIMBS! LEST IT FAILS AND SPLITS ON YOU DURING COMPETITION!
And God, I still wanna know why it happened... ... :(

In the light of trials and competition, I pray that I will not lose sight of God's actual will for me.

Inklings of Faith: There Is A Hope:
"THERE IS A HOPE"
by Stuart Townend and Mark Edwards
Copyright (c) 2007 Thankyou Music.

There is a hope that burns within my heart,
That gives me strength for ev'ry passing day;
a glimpse of glory now revealed in meager part,
Yet drives all doubt away:
I stand in Christ, with sins forgiv'n;
and Christ in me, the hope of heav'n!
My highest calling and my deepest joy,
to make His will my home.

There is a hope that lifts my weary head,
A consolation strong against despair,
That when the world has plunged me in its deepest pit,
I find the Savior there!
Through present sufferings, future's fear,
He whispers, 'Courage!' in my ear.
For I am safe in everlasting arms,
And they will lead me home.

There is a hope that stands the test of time,
That lifts my eyes beyond the beckoning grave,
To see the matchless beauty of a day divine
When I behold His face!
When sufferings cease and sorrows die,
and every longing satisfied,
then joy unspeakable will flood my soul,
For I am truly home."

I had the weirdest dream I ever had in my entire life thus far

So yeah... this is the documentation of my dream, note that I was in hall napping after my dad fetch me back to hall. Both dreams were almost to real.

The 1st dream was like I woke up and yeah I was in hall, I on my laptop and began to do my work. Then just then my roomie said bye to me and went for lesson, my granny came to visit me in hall, I suspect she was running away from home. I was shocked to find her already in my room. And then, I asked her, y did she do all those crazy things suing my dad over property and say I caused her to fall when she clearly fell down by herself and then now trying to scream for me and always asking where am I, while still blaming me for her fall. She didn't reply, she just looked away... gee... ... then I didn't know what happened next.

Before I knew it, I was in my 2nd dream... like this time, I dreamt that I woke up from the previous dream thinking how creepy it was.(a dream within a dream?!!!!) I was on my parents' bed slowly stirring and thinking something is wrong with this waking. And then I went to my room to put down my blanket and do my bed then I approached the stairs cos I hear tv sounds from downstairs. I saw my mum in front of the tv, my sister's voice from the corner of the house screaming at me saying how early I have woken up and my granny at her usual place where the wheel chair is parked before she pissed off everyone in the house and confined herself to her room before my dad could confine her. I couldn't see my sister, and I could only see my granny's legs but not full body cos the stairs is blocking the full view because I didn't descend the stairs completely. I just turned back and when to the toilet to bathe. And somehow I ended up looking at myself in the mirror and thinking something is wrong then washed my undergarments. Now the freaky thing is that all this seemed so real and clear its stuck in my head as a memory and not in anyway dream like. Then my mum came to me to tell me I have to wash my other undergarments as well and I thought in that dream I heard it before though now when I think about it, I have never heard of it before. I asked my mum what day is it today(in the dream) and before she could reply I saw the calendar was 2008 september I think, and I screamed and said I'm from 2009! What am I doing in 2008?! Then I cooled myself down after my mum run to tell dunno who, and I took my blanket from dunno where and then tried to go back to my parents' bed and laid there like how I was before I woke up. I tried to sleep myself into it, but I couldn't, then I focused my mind that I should be in hall waking now.

I slowly woke up and found myself back in hall... When I woke up I felt creeped out and I realised, I'm in 2010 not 2009. and y on earth did I wake up from one dream to another? I refuse to comtemplate over this further for I'm afraid of it being another prophetic dream, cos most of the dreams that cause me to freak out or cause me to worry are prophetic. Or maybe God is trying to tell me something and I'm too freaked out to listen. God if there is something u need to tell me, can it be in something less freaky?