An Interview with an Undertaker: Distortion of Life from Death

Before I go on, I would like to thank the people who have been reading this post and asking me questions. I really appreciate the feedback and discussion. I look forward to seeing you on my blog more often and discuss issues with me as I continue to post. I would also like to thank the undertaker for allowing me this interview and lastly, thank God for this to even happen. :)

From previous interviews, it is shared that we can find out from the Bible that death is certainly not a desirable outcome. It is a punishment from God due to man's evil doing. Having said that, the idea of heaven and hell is real and there is an afterlife whether we like it or not. In this final installment of the 4 part mini-series, it is explained that Death is certainly not supposed to be a natural process, contrary to what most people believe. In the end, we are presented with 2 choices through the interview of the undertaker at the end: To live or not to live. Everything I say from here on will be superfluous, so I will just leave it to the undertaker to do the talking. 

Distortion of Life from Death

Do you think Death is a natural process? Why?

Death is not a natural process but a consequence of an ungodly choice by man. God has given a stern warning, “But of the tree of of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die”. Genesis 2:17. Sin is disobedience to Him. When Adam disobeyed God and took the fruit of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, which God commanded not to, he sinned against God and as a consequence death resulted. The wages of sin is death. Rpmans 6:23.     

I can immediately see 3 things that Sin makes us do.

1.      Sin will cost us more than we want to pay. Taking the example of the Israelites after the Battle of Jericho. One amongst them named Achan, in disobedience took and hid some silver and gold under his tent. The silver and gold was supposed to have gone to God’s treasury and the rest of the spoils in Jericho was to be destroyed.  But Achan took  and kept for himself. The consequence of his sin was that his sons and daughters, his belongings including his animals were stoned and burnt. It was certainly more than he wanted to pay for his sins. A criminal may be sentenced to a long imprisonment or even be put to death for his sins. When he committed the crime surely he did not expect to be caught and be made to pay for his crime, a price that he would not be willing to pay.

2.      Sin will make you stay longer than you want to stay. The Israelites stayed forty more years going around in the wilderness because of their sins of not trusting God to lead them into the Promised Land. A drug addict gets stuck on his habit that he becomes enslaved to for many years and for many their lifetime; or an adulterer who thought that it was just going to be a one night stand developed a long term affair that destroys his entire family and trust of his loved ones. I have a friend who started flirting with a woman and then they started to have an affair and he lived more than twenty years in this sinful relationship and all these years of lying to his wife and family.

3.      Sin makes you go further than you want to go. For example, in the Bible we read that King David saw Bathsheba bathing and he lusted over her and took her to bed. Then when she became pregnant, he started to devise her husband’s death. Sex leads to murder and later we also read that there was chaos in his palace and household. I think we will be familiar with telling a lie, then cover it with more and more lies. This is what it means when I say sin makes us go further than we want to go.

And sin leads to death. So death is a fruit of our sins and was never intended to be natural. It only came upon mankind when sin came into the picture. But if we view death from the already fallen nature of man, then death does seem to be a natural conclusion to life.    

If you permit me, I would like to share some thoughts about how to avoid situations that might make us fall into sin. Let us visit the Garden of Eden.

In the Garden of Eden, God permits man to eat of any fruit except the fruit from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. His warning was that the day he eats of that forbidden fruit he shall surely die. But we noted that Adam and Eve were in the vicinity of that forbidden tree. In other words they were where they should not have been. Then we also noticed that there was Satan in the form of the serpent with them. They were in the wrong company. Then Satan started to talk with them. They were engaged in wrong talks with the wrong company. What happened?

Satan started to get their attention away from the great liberty and free life that God had lavished on them. He then focused on the one and only restriction and started to make them feel that God has shortchanged them. Satan lied to make them blind to God’s goodness and made them feel that God’s intentions for them were not good, that He did not want them to be like Him. To summarise, Satan blinded Man to God’s good will, then he planted the seeds of doubt that made them challenge God’s authority, and he robbed Man of life because he knew the penalty of breaking God’s law is Death.

No, Death was never meant to be a natural event in life. Unfortunately, Man chose death when he chose not to believe God. But we thank God that He did not just leave Man to die and be separated from Him forever. God sent His son Jesus to bear the death penalty on our behalf. As we have it now, our physical body will die, but we have eternal spiritual life with God when we believe and receive Jesus in our hearts.

“For God so loved the World that He gave His only Son that whosoever (you and me) believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life” John 3:16

Choose Life.

An Interview with an Undertaker: Destination after Death

Last week, I shared about life and death, and whether it is a tabooed topic too unsavory for the dinner table. After much thought, I realised that not many people talk the idea of Death to begin with and so explains the popularity of these articles as I post them up on fb. Besides, it is about Christianity.

I will make no apologies to explicitly include my religion, because afterall, I'm not here to gloss over things and make the topic look pretty. While other preachers choose to tell believers that when they believe in Jesus they go to Heaven(and most of the time people take Jesus for a mere pass to Heaven and the Spirit an emotional high); I choose to tell them about death and it being a consequence of man's rebellion against the Lord and precisely why they should not consider between heaven or hell in the first place, but rather God or self/death. For I need no eloquent wisdom nor the wisdom of the world to spread the Word of God. It's believe in the death of Jesus as your way to salvation or Death. As simple as that.

Without further ado, let me share what the undertaker has to say about what the afterlife really holds for us according to the Bible.

Destination after Death?

Is Death the end of all things? Is there an afterlife?

I guess to most people Death would be the end of all things, although I should say that all things don’t end except the one who dies. So maybe the spirit of the question is “does he die to all things?” In the physical aspect, I would believe so. But in the spiritual aspect, I personally do not know except what I am told in the Bible. And that physical death closes a chapter in this physical world while it opens a new one in the spiritual world. What might this spiritual realm be? The Bible tells us there is Heaven and Hell. So who goes where? The Bible again tells us that in God’s hands there is a Book of Life. Anyone whose name is not registered there will be sent to Hell and those whose names are written in it will go to Heaven. Does this sound cruel what God is doing? Actually not, man is given a free will to choose. By not choosing life he has chosen to remain in death. John 3: 18 and 19 tells us that those who believe Jesus is not condemned but those who do not believe are condemned already. The condemnation is that we reject the Light and choose to remain in darkness (sin). How do we choose life so that our names will be written in the Book of Life? John 3: 16 of the Bible tells us, “For God so loved the world He gave His only Son, that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life” and in John 14:6 Jesus says,” I am the Way, the Truth and the Life; No man goes to the Father (God) but by me”. Is there an afterlife? Very much so, except that this afterlife can be an eternity of peace and joy in God’s presence or an eternity in Hell’s fire and suffering without God’s presence and in eternal separation from God.

During this very short lifespan on Earth, we have to make that important decision that will have an eternal consequence. I seriously urge everyone to seriously consider this carefully. Choose the only Way, the Truth and the Life, whom Jesus said He is.



Should Death be a mourning or celebration?

As I mentioned earlier, I believe all Death bring about a separation except the one death, that of Jesus that brings reconciliation. Death takes us away from our loved ones, or our loved ones from us and that makes us sad and gives us reason to grieve and mourn over our loss. It is very human to grieve and mourn over our loss of a loved one. I have seen some who actually throw such a huge celebration when their relative died because they inherit a huge estate and wealth. On the other hand I have also heard curses being hurled at the deceased because the only inheritance left to them is a huge debt. Whether to mourn or celebrate depends very much on several factors, like the ones just mentioned with regards to inheritance; or with regards to how close the deceased was with the surviving relatives. If their relationship had been good, they grieved the more and if not, lesser.


However, for those who have some religious bias or beliefs their reactions to death may differ. If they believe that their loved one who departed has gone to Heaven, there is much rejoicing and if not then there is apprehension, guilt and doubt.


I personally have grieved over the loss of my parents who were very dear to me, but I did not grieve hopelessly. I believe as Christians they have gone to be with a loving God. So while I was sad to have lost them I was actually glad they are now in a better place with Christ. To that, I celebrate.



Join me next week as I talk about the Distortion of Life from Death  and the Death that our sins have created.

Self Versus God: Are our hearts really on God?

I just had a revelation, if not, reminder in a form of a big sized reasoning that I cannot ignore.

A commonly asked question is "Prove to me that God exist". My question to them is "You sure u wanna listen to my explanation? It's not going to be short like a snap nor is it going to be pleasing to ur ears." Humans have a finite form and therefore have finite mind and heart. How can we squeeze a infinite God that lived before time, and created time within time and our finite minds that is smaller than time? God does not need to prove his existence to us if we refuse to accept that he is bigger than us.

And to ask God to show his miracles like healing and uncommon signs to prove his glory and power or even satisfy our desire to be reaffirmed that he is real or just for the feel high is like asking a trained poodle to do stunts. God is no trained poodle, he will do miracles and heal as he pleases to and he will show his glory and power in his way and we must acknowledge it. In fact he has already shown his glory and power to us, in our being itself and in his son Jesus, the most innocent man who died the most horrifically humiliating and painful death for the sake of God's will which is to provide a way for our salvation through Jesus' death and resurrection.

This will indeed be mind boogling to people who have choosen from the start to ask for prove just for the sake of an intellectual debate and self-gratification that God doesn't exist. If we have our hearts full of ourselves, how can we have the space to let God in, let alone the people around us?

When we ask for his glory to be shown on earth? Is it for prove to the world that God is almighty or is it to prove to people that we are believing in the right thing and be proud(or even boostful about it)? When we ask for healing of people in general, is it for ourselves to get better or is it a cheap way to show people what God can do so that they can choose God?

Are our hearts really on God?

Christmas isn't Christmas till you happen to know who died to open a pathway to heaven.

Caroling and stuff don't make any sense to me nowadays. People have seemed to have forgotten the true spirit of Christmas. It's not about giving and sharing. It's about Jesus.

Devil, admit it. You have lost the war. Now stop acting like a sore loser. It's Jesus' party. Please don't ruin others party.

The true meaning for Christmas is Jesus.

"For to us a child is born, to us a son is given; and the government shall be upon his shoulder, and his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace." ~Isaiah 9:6 ~

Someone said this: He died so that you may live (again). *can't remember who said that*

Anyway, Blessed Christmas to one and all. Take care and God Bless you.

This song is dedicated to everyone on earth and to Jesus and God and the Holy Spirit.

Your Humble Servant is commisioned and ready to serve you.

On my 21st Birthday, as I went up for alter call. Isaiah 6 was revealed to me in a different perspective.

I do not wish to talk about the inherent problems that lies with such altar call; all I wish to say is that when one comes before God, one must be ready to be changed. Daddy God ain't an ATM of emotions and blessings, he can be if he wants to, but that might be undermining his sovereignty if he would to just do that everytime we want an emotional/spiritual high. We should always expect a change in our hearts and our minds renewed, and not go back to our old ways.

Having said that, I went up with a heart wanting a change, to see his will and ready to submit, trust and obey. And so I prostrated (nearly, due to lack of space), and imagine the scene of Isaiah being commissioned by God. Words cannot describe my feelings, it was overwhelming. Ultimately what mattered was that I now know that I must be careful with my words, and be ready to serve the Lord, putting his will above my pleasures.

I could go on and on... But I decided not to.

Here are you

And

it was so

suddenly

clear to me

what was I

looking for

all this time

There are you

over here

playing games

with my mind

Someone who

could talk to

me

It was you

What I had gained through losing.

Though I didn't win anything this competition, I gained a lot of experience, learnt new things, forged new friendships and strengthen existing bonds! Most of all, I hit my personal best and experienced God in this competition!

What I told someone on fb was that some people may say "they are just saying this to comfort themselves!" But they often forget that Archery is ultimately a battle with oneself to strive for further heights in one's journey. Some may win gold, but if they dun learn a thing about life as a whole or strive for new heights, they lose to their conceited selves.

To my lovely teammates, this was the best competition I ever had by far! It was awesome possum and we all hit our personal best despite the lack of time to train and what not! Thanks for the fun and love! Love u both!

And yes I wrote all this on fb, that's cos this IS my reflection!

Something I did not post on fb is that I noticed that their are alot of poor wretched souls who seem to base their existence on medals, trophies and achievements. How sad is that life... ... Oh poor wretched souls... ... Do u not know that man shall not live on bread alone, let alone MEDALS ANS TROPHIES? Whichever the case, God showed his sovereignty to me over this past one month and it was an awesome feeling. More awesome than anything else in the world. PRAISE THE LORD FOR HIS MERCY TO SHOW ME HOW WRETCHED I AM WITHOUT HIM! I hope I sound like Psalms 119 enough. okok I should stop that holier-than-thou attitude.

To think I was listening to Schuman's Death and the Maiden on Symphony before my rounds on sat... ... and had Satie's Gymnopedie stuck in my head especially for that motif in the starting. I dunno if that was a good thing, I just knew I did the best I ever did for a triple face. haha... ... oh and eating disgusting tuna subway... ... The worst subway I have eaten is at NUS... ... *pukes*

On the ending note, I truly enjoyed myself and I thank God for all the mercies he have showered upon me. Words cannot describe how overwhelmed I was and still is.

I was from 1-3 Humility, 4 Gentleness and 5 & 6 Patience.

I believe I was placed there for a reason and that reason has allowed me to understand certain things in my life. The reason is simple. God placed me there to do his will, and while he is at it, mould and groom me.

I posted the following on FB: " The learning point of the week: Be still and know that he is God. And while u r at it, pray according to his will. No use being a headless chicken running around, cursing and swearing and not accomplishing anything."

Recent events in my life has caused me to question my own character and other people's character. An avalanche of events thoughts from one social circle to another ad back again and to the next. I realised at the end of it all, it's all about pride and self. I asked myself, "What would Jesus do?" I do not wanna offend other and yet not allow him/her to get away with his/her misdeeds. My class placing in primary school says it all the Lord said.

1st: I must be humble to acknowledge my own transgressions and submit to the Lord, telling him that I have done wrong again have once again angered him. Please forgive me Lord and I pray that u will take me. My mistake was to be judgmental and condescend others. So what if other people lead a life of decadence and waste. Since they are my friends, I have can't just leave them alone while I feel disgusted from afar.

2nd: I must be gentle in my approach, after all that is what my name means. "Gentle strength" and "Meekness". Have I been living up to my name? On surface, yes. In fact, no. What am I going to do next? Enough said, it's time to plead to God for the spirit of Gentleness.

3rd: I must be patient with people and be more understanding and try to understand what they are going through. Patient with myself for not performing to expectations and patient to listen to God's instructions.

Having said that, I must also be gentle in the way I approach people and be patient with unwholesome comments and antics. I have indulged in few nonsense myself and in retrospect, shouldn't judge them for it. I also have to be gentle in rejecting certain nasty advances from people, explain things gently and be patient with them in understanding, and I have to do these all with humility.

Writing this reflection on a Sunday morning after a good night's rest from a disappointing day and a stress relieving evening, this weekend's reflection spills over from the weeks before and will be reflected upon again in future. Me being in a privileged position of being a Princess of the Kingdom of Heaven shouldn't act like I'm in hell. Get off my feet once more and start walking to the King my father. I'm bringing my brothers and sisters with me this time even if I have to push them.

I was placed in a class of Humility then taught in Gentleness and finally educated of Patience.

You are ... cheesy lines

Something random one of my BFF and I thought of... and it developed into 10 cheesy lines I decided to bring it further and compile it into a poem.

You are

the sugar to my candy,

the peanut of my tutu kueh,

the juice to my beef steak,

the coconut milk of my laksa,

the seasoning to my maggi mee,

the sun of my light,

the harmony to my melody,

the vitamin C of my orange,

the air to my balloon,

the sands of my hourglass.

Not Cheesy enough? Please help me add more?

Out of Some Weird Revelation comes Many Other Questions

This week, I found out alot about a certain someone from my past, from a friend who was going around asking for numbers because he lost his hp. I questioned "How do I know it is not someone else hacking this com?" He replied "haha, good one. Cos I'm ur chem rep." ok passed. and yes, it was weird. He was the last few people to realise that there was someone that treacherous in our midst last time. hmm... ... Took him long enough, people are begining to forget about that person already.

But that was not the weirdest of my revelation. I begin to see things in different perspectives. Thanks or not to William Blake.RIP. I think he's semi-autistic or something. I really had to plough my brains inside out to figure this dead poet. He freaked me out quite abit initially. Then as I critically analyse the text, I found that I sympathsized with him. And no I ain't gonna be a anarchist anytime soon. or ever. I mean... Dude he is cool and revelutionary for his time. and still is today. He said things like "Excess of sorrow laughs and Excess of joy weeps."(from Marriage of Heaven and Hell, Proverbs from Hell)*now that title was shocking wasn't it?* He is a dissentent Christian, but still is a christian after all. I hope he got his peace in heaven.

Subsequently after that, I saw that it is interesting how one tries to assume superiority over another.(or other). The result is halocaust. To prevent this halocaust, I take a step back. and wait and see, if possible, walk away, if not run, as fast as u can. Imagine if such a thing happened between u and a friend. hoho... ... u can't run or walk away. Somebody please enlighten me? Somebody please remind me what Blake said about true friends? okok and what does the Bible say? When is it u fight, stay and be meek, or walk away?

My mind was in a frenzy yesterday and I couldn't quite do my Orientalism essay. But now I'm almost done. Sleep works wonders. Thank God for rest. :)

Now I'm wondering y some people would say things that did not happen? or maybe spread infomation that concerns a person but it does not directly reach the ears of the person in question. I wonder... Oh and maybe someone would like to tell me y I decided to do some really outrageous stuff and follow people that does not care much about others but themselves. Or is it me thinking too much? Am I really that insecure and paranoid? When do one stop caring? Or rather when do one START caring? Hmm... ...




I still dunno what I'm doing. or writing. or trying too hard to express.

The burdens that I carry in my heart are not as great as the burden of Jesus.

And this I say in the light of my disobedience to the Lord and of lack of faith today. What a naughty girl/lil' sheep I have been.

I was supposed to bring my cell girls to macdonalds to celebrate one of the girl's birthday. But it was raining, and me of lil' faith decided to cancel it and hold it in the place where we would later have our chruch service as per usual. Why? cos I was afraid the rain would not stop and it would be heavy and that the girls would get wet and so would I. As I was about to gather them to go up, one of my girls told me that one delinquent wanted to come today, it was then when I realised my mistake of not setting the place at macs. Damn, I told myself and did not really set in deep in my heart. It was only when I settled down in the auditorium that I realised that the poor lost soul out there would join us if we had gone to macs, and could have followed us to service thereafter. I sat through the whole entire feeling that guilt. The service was also impactful and I was very very sure it would have touched her. Especially with the fact that she used to be a dancer for the youth service and the dance performance was excellent in terms of concept. I felt her pain, her loneliness flowing through me when I sat through service.

My greatest guilt lies in the fact that I've never donw anything, I've always been passion. It's time I got off my lazy butt and do something. No excuses for me of lil' faith.

I told my whole cell to pray for the girl and listen to the svc, but my heart was heavy laden to listen to the sermon carefully. Looking retrospectively, God was like saying to me, "see I told u not to rely on urself, I could have helped u but u just wanted it ur way. Now stop feeling guilty and pray for the next chance to come." And now this blog post is a post for me to lament over my guilt, and commit my whole entire christian ministry into God's hands. I have never fully felt the burden of being a leader until now. And I thank God better late than never. This new found leadership burden I have has never dawned upon me until today. The burden of shepharding his flock is tremendous, just a cell of at largest 6, and I'm already fretting. Compared to Jesus, my burdens are nothing. Jesus tends to a flock of billions (past & present) and counting(future) and he commits it to God. (The prayer at the Garden of Gethsemane) I better do that too. My cell leader answered alter call today and upon seeing so, I run up to her to pray for her. After that, I had my whole cell pray together for Bethia. Yes I would say her name here so that any Christian brother and sister who are reading my blog will pray for her. There's another, her name is Charlynn. She is very new to the faith.


So I better stop wallowing in self-pity and passiveness and start doing what God wants me to do.

Good Friday. SHALOM to the WORLD! & the men of my life?!

and yoz I'm back bloggin', I guess it might be a weekly thing. Until exams are over... I guess... Seeing how fickle and uncommited I am... ...


So anyway, it's Good Friday. SHALOM to the WORLD! *peace* Gonna love JC! *puts up a Jesus freak sigh* JC! JC! JC! JC! u rock! Rocking rock of ages! I know I'm going to heaven cos of him, and I know I'm loved by God(that's the most important for a lonely soul for me to know).

So what if I'm unattached?! The man of my life is GOD! and of cos my earthly Dad too. haha... Speaking of which, I recently met my eye candy while going back to hall. Interestingly, I started a minor discussion on religious issues. He is not attending FCBC anymore and is attending NCC, a church I have my reservations about. But I'll not judge I hope. and there is this idea of radical grace that I'm not too sure about... and I'm really curious what it meant... I'll have to ask my Bible Study group and blog about it for people to see. My other eyecandy that I knew from some camp said that he is attending NCC too, and our conversation would have turned religious too if we didn't got interupted by the fact that we had to get out of the train and move out to where we were supposed to go respectively. Man... I can be radical... ... I guess like what my good friend Bettina said, if this pastor's church can save lives, we should not judge. In the 1st place, all human's shouldn't judge which other, we should embrace each other with love.

Love is God's greatest command to us. If we truly obey God we must love each other. Love, not lust nor sex. Love. That's y Jesus died on the cross for us. But I still have my reservations about that church. People say they see the light when they go there, but remember that Satan's name is Lucifer, meaning the angel of light; so please dun go to the wrong light.

So about me saying SHALOM to the World! It's about the recent bomb attacks over at Mascow. My dad said all Muslims who only think of dragging people down in misery with them should die 1st before they do so... NaStY... ... as far as I know, his Malay friends are chillax types, so are mine. We can sit down over dinner, tea or coffee with them and debate with them over religious issues and we are still chill, I even get more insights into the Muslim faith and find that it is not excatly the same God we are worshipping too. Why can't all the Muslims in the 3rd world countries take in the soft side of the Quran; why the Jihad?! It's so sad seeing others drag them down together in misery. Satan u shall not prevail! u hear me?! U WILL NOT PREVAIL SATAN! God's Justice will prevail. *LOVE BEAM!!!! ZAP!!!! ZAP!!!!*

And some must be thinking why am I so open about mentioning my eye candies?(action, extra, whatever u say...) Well, I've got my thinking sorted out already, I'm surrendering my love life to God, cos the loneliness from not having a bf is what's gripping me the past 1 year or so, and today's sermon is about surrending everything to God. Like how Abraham surrendered to God his only son Issac and told what God told him to. I realised that I do not feel ashamed about it anymore, though my loneliness is still there, that's cos I need time to adjust. I believe God will find me a good husband, and not just any super good looking peagent king or part-time model that comes along. Kind and strong in faith they maybe, but if God says no, it's no. I ain't gonna be stubborn, ergo desperate anymore. Having said that, I pray that my heart will not harden and I'll gain more understanding and not moral superiority over people who only got attached upon a week or 2 of knowing their partners.

So love for lust aside, it's love the world, ur neighbours and enemies, and most importantly, love God. Shalom!

PS: I love my family! :3 ~ <3

PSS: This is the 1st time after a long time I'm allowing people on my bf to see my blog again. Cos as one have read my past few blogs and with the title change, I'm shifting focus for this blog.

The meaning of my name Mildred (Pronunciation:/mɪldrəd/)

My mum used to say, "gentle counsellor behind the throne". That means, I would be a good wife.

Now my friends, do let me tell u what I found out about my name. (For those who recently know me, it's not surprising that u will find my name most laughed at especially when I break it up)

As I look through the websites over the years, I realised it was old english.
Mildred -> Mil-dred (mind u it's pronounced as Mil-dred, /mɪldrəd/ not Mild-red)
Mil/ Mild -> Mild, Meek, Gentle
dred -> strength, strong

Ergo the meaning Gentle Strength or Meekness.


This is the verse from the Bible that some baby names book said it's supposed to be associated to my name, though I dunno how it was related, I just thought it very nice and decided to post it up as well.(enlighten me if u will)

1 John 4:7
Dear friends, let us love another, for love comes from God Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.

As I type this, I think I'm enlighten. Meekness is not weakness. It is strength from inside. And one of the things about strength is the strength to love and forgive. I think I know where this is heading too.
(Please do continue reading even if u r not a christian)

My name is not about becoming a good wife. It's about learning to go against the ways of this world and to forgive people where other's can't, it's about learning to stand up for the Lord and his people, even if someone slaps or kick me for it I must offer my other cheek to the assaulter and do as Jesus did, love and forgive. Love unconditionally forgives the other party, and meekness comes in when u r being trampled on and u know u can't forgive the person, but u must find the strength as Jesus did to love and forgive the person. Enough said, I know what I must do now. All I need is u Lord, to guide me to be a beacon and demostrate this meekness that Jesus embodied and to do ur will.

PS: To those who made a joke outta my name and what colour bow I'm buying, this is an announcement to u all. Yes, I'm buying a red bow, it's the closes to pink, and yes, after much thought about my name yes well... ... Dun worry, I forgive u for the joke! ;p

Note: This was written on the 18 June 2009 at 10:46. On the next day, my teammate says she is getting a dark red bow too. On the 29 June I had an allegation that I had no individuality cos I cos the same colour as my teammate. Now that's God really testing me to see if this revelation got into my heart and not just into my mind.

Perspectives

They always change. So do impressions. Can't really say for sure if the change is the good or bad thing. Talk about change, it is the not constant. Ironically.

This month, I really had an altogether big life-changing experiences. One fact to confirm, Humans do show their ugly sides under different lights. Another fact to confirm, all Humans do have insecurities, just like I do. The 2 facts combined, when 2 or more people having their own insecurites clash, they bring out the ugly side of each other, more so for 1 than another. This ugliness and insecurities will only be suppressed or eliminated once the love of God comes in between. Differences and insecurities will be seen as a step to understanding at least the maniscule level of another and to accept each other; ergo, God coming in as a common understanding of how humans should learn to live with one another and a greater and higher calling comes in to distract us from our insecurities. *sounds like some essay* And this I've learnt in a difficult way. U can beg to differ with me if u wanna, but this is my understanding of my life, and maybe u should try look at it from my perspective. If u do, then u will see much-needed timely God's intervention in my life everytime I need it.

On my last official night in hall for this semester, I ponder on such things. Alone in the room really can do ur reflection times good. And there goes another msn popup of some pics or advert scam. The thing that cos me to ponder about this. Someone I have much respect for last time fell victim to this and he told me that I was in the hit list. I really wondered, y he was so flustered about the pics. Oh so the pics were really personal. Yup what happens in the bedroom should remain in the bedroom. The body is the sacred temple of God strickly speaking not just to girls. It's not the problem with the pics, like I say, do what u want with ur life and pics, the issue is how the he reacted in a convo to someone who looks up to u as a mentor. I would not say further what added on to this irony, I would just say it's making me sick *the induce vomit kind*... ... I guess adults need to remember what they taught us. Ok I think I should stop here before I reveal more. *no pun intended*

Oh and I still think Family bonds are the strongest no matter how u try to break up. The breaking-up of the bonds is the hardest and the most painful, especially to the one who is still clearer-minded, ergo more sensitive to the pain.

An Ode to someone :) Guess who!

The little Bird who became a Phoenix

Following the path that she must take
The little Bird is waiting for her last break
Through, walking down that path is the final
Beside her a Cow and a Mouse stood
Supporting her and walking that last path
Before she takes her flight
That is what friends are for
Throughout good and bad times
The animals have stood by each other
Tears of parting are shed amongst them
Now as the little Bird stands firmly
With wings eager to soar
Her feathers bloom as she flaps hard
Up she goes and beyond the horizon
To a new place that the Father has called her too
There she goes fearless and majestic
The little Bird who become a Phoenix.

On my way to the lighthouse (Based on a true story)

I posted the following up on facbook.

On my way to the lighthouse, I got lost along the way and couldn't even find the coast to get a boat. Just then, I met the respectable ladies of our study, Jane, Evelina, Moll, Margery, Mrs Ramsay, Miss Youghal sais, and the whole gang of them. It was a no-man event gathering. aka husbands, lovers, brothers, brother-lovers and what not are not allowed. They said they were going to the lightouse too. So I hopped on the bandwagon. We were going to discuss feminism and modernism when Margery decided to talk about fop rock because she saw how cute the leader singer was(even though he wasn't at all). Moll seemed interested and decided to talk about her great love life and the conversation got dominated them. Lily Briscoe seemed disinterested and took put her sketchbook to draw and Evelina and Jane thought that Moll and Margery was being too explicit so they decided to start their own converstion. The event was getting to nowhere and I tried to seem interested in what everyone was doing, but it was getting too boring for me. Mrs Ramsay was not happy with such a sight and she decided to head the discussions. She made the girls gather together to prepare dinner and such. After that everyone gathered to have dinner and talked a great deal. Sadly to me, I still found it a bit boring and even confusing especially when someone mention modernism again. But since I really needed to go to the lighthouse I had to bear with it and tried my best to listen and be entertained. In the end, I wonder if I'm on the right track to the lighthouse.


Yeah right... ... It's actually a story on how I can't read "To the Lighthouse" and various Literature text of this semester without falling asleep...

When Sanity Hanges on a thin thread

When Sanity hangs on a thin thread,
Will you wait to see it break?
Hear the thread snap
and recoil,
and continue to hang loose as if Sanity wasn't on it before, as if
Sanity
was not part of it?

Or

Will you turn away,
face your back on it
And not see it.
Will you turn away, cover your two ears
And not hear
anything.
the object that hangs
loose is a part of you
Will you scream if Sanity wasn't there?
Will you?
Will you hear Sanity scream
In your head as it is detached from you?
Will you?

What will you do?
What do you think?

Emo and gloominess... ... Heal the world, make it a better place.

The following is what I wrote on facebook... ...

*Disclaimer*
*This is not another one of those save the earth and campaigns to champion a cause*
*If issues mentioned seems to be relating to you, you must be either thinking too much or you are the guilty party.*

Hey Hey! I say to my conciousness, whose fault is it anyway that the world is so gloomy? Just today, Stef sms-ed me in the morning saying that Sylvia Plath's son passed away. Oh yeah, that family has a history of depression. Do u blame Ted Hughes for having an affair and leaving the kids to the charge of their depressed mum? Or do u blame her genes? Oh u could blame himself for studying too hard and getting a Ph.D, Permanent Head Damage, in our Singaporean lingo. This suddenly reminded me of the 2 incidents at NTU. 'nuff said... ... Freaky man... ... So many things like that happening around the world. God didn't live us our life and freewill so that we can take it lightly and kill otherselves. Period. I wonder if those people know that God loves them.

There are so many deaths out there and there are people out there lying to each other and worst to old people and suing each other over property that should be settled 20 years ago. If there is anything worse, it is to disown blood relations over the temporary physical things of this world and fabricating false conciousness fresh from a over-matured mind out for selfish cause. Being jealous over another person's accomplishments and hankering over it and well as betrayal of trust is another. But such things do draw a fine line, don't they. If Civics and Moral Education was that easy to draw a line and teach, that u wouldn't be getting spoilt brats calling their elders 'stupid' and children for slapping their teacher for not letting it have their way. The world is SOOOOO bleak.

DAMN U SATAN! I will not let u have it ur way! I WILL PRAY FOR THE BETTERMENT OF THE WORLD! And Lord! I pray for that I wouldn't be so judgemental... ... I'm letting my e-learning assignment get to me... ... But oh well, no matter how goth (or puesdo goth) I can be, emo is a bit too much for me, let alone do something stupid like cut themselves. I'm glad my close sisters lighten up and stop doing stupid things to themselves.Let Justice and Praise become my embrace, to love you from the inside out, oh Lord! One thing I have learnt from the cell leader's retreat is that everytime u breath, u are breathing out praise to the Lord! I always knew that life equals breath. But this is so cool! Ok everybody! Let's praise the Lord! BREATH IN! BREATH OUT! The first thing a bady learns when it comes out of the mother's womb is to breath, and it does that by crying. Even cooler revelations, the first thing a bady learns to do the moment it comes into these world is to praise the Lord! So ok Lord, I will continue to breath and live for your glory and praise! With your guidance, I'll teach your people to breath and live for Your Glory. BREATH IN BREATH OUT!

'Production' then and now

This was something that I dug out from my diaryland, well, DIARY. I posted in up on diaryland *duh* and I thought I would post it up here now. This poem is the one that I love the most so far. Below is also the description that came with it as I posted it up on my diaryland diary. It will tell u where I'm coming from when I wrote that poem.

I wrote a poem during the principal's rally... ... Haf to admit I wasn't listening much. The bugger is a nice guy, he means well, but he juz talks nonsense sometimes. Anyway, the following will be the poem. Inspired by my geog teacher during a human geog lesson talking about mass production. but the poem didn't formulate in my mind until my lit teacher told my friend and I to try writing a poem keeping closely to the style of Sylvia Plath, the poet whose book of poems 'Ariel' we r doing a close reading on. Be warn, those who r attempting to do her poems, u must know her background to understand how those weird things came out of her. still, she still must be respected and I attempted to delve into her mind and style to write this poem. So this poem is dedicated to my geog and lit teachers and Homage to Sylvia Plath.


Production

This is the factory where
dolls in similiar outfit,
marching in to join in the great
Production.
Now this is exciting!

Everbody has to run in by
half past seven
or else
the masters will get even.
Detention that is would be mention

Sitting in stacks of boxes with two doors
one in front and one at the back
Little dark windows
to let some air in
Lest the dolls get suffocated.

Breathe in Breath out
the dolls melt under the sun
Masters push them
The sun shining it's spiteful rays on them.
Pant, Pant, Pant, Pant.
They long to run out

The noise the noise
hammering down on them.
Words, words, words, words
Squirming through their heads.
Their brains are made bigger.

Then the quality check.
the dolls move throught a torture chamber
compressed by time and space
After that,
the defunct dolls has to go.

Some cry to relieve their pain
of not being able to go thought the next rein.
It's the survival of the fittest.
Only the strong can move on
to the next stage of oblivion

Education

A long and arduous Journey
Like a Pilgrimage
We all have to go through
As students.

Along the way
We learn Subjects
that are important
At least for exams
To get the grades
for our certification.

Yet we do not use them throughout our lives
Like that funny thing called Adverbial.
Adverbial is inconsequential at times,
Yet without them sometimes
The sentence is incomplete
Or not make any sense. Like this.

Likewise
During examinations
If we omit Subjects
We get Objects
Coming after us
like enjambments, line over line, line after line, and it spills on over and over, running after us, over us, it runs on to the next line and after.
Not so nice

After all
We wonder
what examinations
are for
they have Subjects
and attached to it, Objects.
Definitely not Adverbials
What are they?

The destination?
Examination
Does it equal to
Education?

It’s a wonder
my sanity still reminds
Or is it?
after all that trekking up hill
of the horrible Journey.
This makes no sense to me at all!